"Rub your penis with the bristles of certain insects that live in trees, and then, after rubbing it for ten nights with oils, rub it with the bristles as before. Swelling will be gradually produced. Then lie on a hammock with a hole in it and hang the penis through the hole. Take away the pain from the swelling by using cool concoctions. The swelling lasts for life." Kamasutra, translated by Sir Richard Burton and F. F. "Bunny" Arbuthnot (1883)
Just one of the gems to be found in John Naish's Put What Where? 2000 Years Of Bizarre Sex Advice. Naish gives an amusing - if terrifying - roundup of his book's contents in a recent article for The Times. Sample quote: "The printing press enabled publishers to churn out dodgy books faster than the Church authorities could ban them. Readers were treated to gems such as Mrs Isabella Cortes’s handy hint from 1561 that a mixture of quail testicles, large-winged ants, musk and amber was perfect for straightening bent penises."
If you're looking for some more reliable advice, we've a big selection of up-to-the-minute better sex guides in The Erotic Book Shop, none of which advocate any sort of sexual engagement with a vacuum cleaner.
From News 24, via the irrepressible Pervscan: "Cambodian police, baffled as to why a deaf mute man would steal a telephone, soon found their answer when a witness led them to the phone in a local pawnbroker's shop and they then found the culprit in a nearby brothel, authorities said on Thursday. The police chief for Toul Sangke commune in Phnom Penh, Khat Darasi, said victim Ear Bunnarith, 40, reported his cellphone stolen on October 11 and named the culprit as a profoundly deaf man known only as Bun, 27. 'But neither the police nor the victim could understand why Bun would steal a telephone, as he cannot speak or hear. He had been friends with Bunnarith for many years without doing any wrong before,' Darasi told Deutsche Presse-Agentur dpa. 'It was not until a motorbike taxi driver came forward and told us where he had taken Bun after the phone disappeared that we realised he might not be able to use a telephone, but he is human. He stole the phone to buy love.' Darasi said the victim had declined to press charges against Bun after the phone, which he had pawned for $10, was returned, and Bun was released after promising to find more appropriate means to fund his love life in the future." - News24.com (South Africa)
Sexuality.org has a whacking great guide to sex toys and what they can do for you, all laid out in no-nonsense, straightforward terms. So if you're looking for more info about what toys might suit you best, give this a look.
There's also our very own Lovehoney University too, which has tons of unbiased info about what each of our arsenal of erotic delights can do for you. Plus it's got jokes. Bad ones, but they're still jokes.
It's still hard work trying to buy sex toys in India, as the Hindustan Times reports: "Though nowhere near as sophisticated and varied as their counterparts abroad, sex toys are available in the city. As dull as they are discreet, several stalls at Musafir Khana near Crawford Market stock crude vibrators and dildos. Nestled between shops selling grey-market shampoos, lotions and deodorant are hawkers stocking body-care products of the X-rated kind.
The lines are blurred — herbal impotence remedies and medicated lubricants are as much part of their merchandise as plastic handcuffs and bulled-shaped vibrating devices from China. The usual peddling call “Hello, yes, perfumes?” is absent — unnecessary attention is a bad thing when you are dealing with what the government calls ‘objectionable and banned items’. But an observant eye can pick out the items from imported goods. Hawkers seem calm in the presence of a female customer but get rattled when you pick up a dildo and ask, “What does this do?” indicating patrons are mostly male or specific about what they want."
Someone's made a real dick of himself…"A Steilacoom student is fighting a decision by school officials to suspend him for three days after he appeared in an inflatable penis costume outside another school’s homecoming dance, KIRO 7 Eyewitness News reported." [full story and video link at Pervscan]
Having trouble reaching orgasm during intercourse with your partner? It's something that happens to a lot of women, and it's not something to be necessarily considered as a problem - so says Don Lykins, agony uncle for the Tampa Bay Times. Don has plenty of recommendations of how to stimulate yourself more, including using vibrators. Don't be shy - give it a try!
BoingBoing highlights Salon.com's article on condom patent lawsuit that's currently going on. Apparently Trojan's high tech Twisted Pleasure condom, which features "a unique spiral design and spring action", is allegedly a take-off of PTI's Pleasure Plus condom and so they claim they've lost millions in infringed patent rights. Who knew such chicanery went on behind the scenes of the humble French letter?
SEATTLE (Reuters) - An Oregon woman whose doctor convinced her that he could cure her lower back pain by having sex with her is suing him and his medical clinic for $4 million, according to legal documents obtained on Monday.
LONDON (Reuters) - A pink hummingbird battled with a weather-beaten shed on Monday for the Turner prize, one of the world's most contentious art awards, but they face stiff competition from a pair of pallid buttocks.
NewsWales: After a report that sexual diseases are rising in Wales America's biggest maker of condoms is negotiating a scheme to give Cardiff taxi drivers condoms to give to their cients.
Drivers would hand the Trojan condoms out to passengers who request them on Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays after a 10.30pm watershed. The scheme in Cardiff will be supported by local media, flyers and posters in clubs and bars.