How to Use a Strap-on

Two things in life are certain: taxes and the fact that parading around the house in a strap-on feels sexy and silly all at once. The wonderful thing about strap-ons is anyone can use them for all kinds of sex, foreplay, or even roleplay. No matter who you fancy or what your genitals look like, there’s a chance you’ll love introducing strap-on sex into your life.

But it can all feel a bit complicated when you’re just starting out. How do you choose a strap-on dildo? What does using one say about your sexuality? And what happens if your strapless strap-on slips out while you’re wearing it?

A strap-on is a wearable dildo that’s used for penetrative sex… and a few other things besides! Most strap-on kits include at least one dildo plus a harness for attaching it to your body. If you’re not keen on all the straps and buckles that come with a harness, you can get special underwear to hold your dildo instead – or use a strapless strap-on.

Porn would have you believe that strap-ons are for women pleasuring other women. While that’s a fantastic combo, the cool thing about strap-ons is they can be worn by anyone – no matter what your gender or sexual orientation is! Plenty of heterosexual couples enjoy pegging (that’s when you have anal sex using a dildo), because it switches up the power dynamic.

Got a penis? You can still wear a strap-on, either by finding harness that fits around your natural anatomy or getting a hollow strap-on. Some male wearers like using a strap-on so they can keep pleasuring their partner after ejaculating (or before, if they’re trying to last longer). For others, it’s all about the confidence boost you get from wearing it – or even gender euphoria!

For your first-time, try a simple strap-on kit with a smaller dildo, like this unisex one from Lovehoney. “I get so wet using this on him and he f***** explodes,” says a Lovehoney customer. “It’s awesome having your hands free for whatever else you want.”

Made from smooth silicone, the dildo is 5 inches and slightly curved – for pleasuring your P-spot or G-spot. It has three interchangeable O-rings, which means you can swap your dildo out for something larger or more textured next time.

Most strap-on harnesses come with a hole or O-ring that you slot the dildo into. The O-ring design works a treat, because you can swap out your dildo whenever you want. You can even get different O-rings to fit different sizes.

But with all the buckles, O-rings, and different dildos you can imagine, strap-ons seem a little complicated at first. Here’s your guide to getting confident using yours. You’ll also find tips for sexy, safe strap-on fun.

1. Get your harness ready

Get your dildo in place before you put your harness on – it’ll be so much easier than trying to stuff it in later! If your dildo is long and smooth with a flat, flared base like the Lovehoney 7 Inch Curved Silicone Dildo, you can just slip it into the O-ring.

If your dildo is large, has a big kink in it, or has testicles like the Lifelike Lover Realistic Dildo, you might need to gently pinch the flared base and work it through. Either way, a little water-based lubricant can help ease your dildo through the O-ring.

You’re the one wearing the strap-on? Try it on when you’ve got plenty of time to work out the straps. Strut around the house and see how it feels. If you find the straps uncomfortable while walking around, it won’t be any better when you’re trying to pleasure your lover. You might prefer an underwear-style kit, like these cute strap-on briefs.

2. If you’re about to do anal, prepare your body first

Lots of people use strap-ons for anal penetration. But, if you’re new to anal play, get comfortable with the sensations before you try a strap-on. Start with lube and clean fingers, massaging the rim and slipping one finger inside while you masturbate with the other hand. If you like what you feel, play with butt plugs or slimline dildos – either alone or with a partner.

When you’re ready for strap-on play, remember to go to the toilet at least an hour before and wash your bum with soap and water. For more tips, check out our guide on how to do anal.

3. Slather on the lube

We can’t sing its praises enough – lube is essential for any kind of penetration play. Most people’s vulvas don’t stay wet for long on their own and your anus can’t self-lubricate at all.

A good quality lube will keep you playing for longer and reduces the risk of discomfort or tearing (yikes). If your dildo is made of silicone, go for water-based lube to keep your toy in great condition (silicone lube can degrade silicone toys over time). For anal, get a long-lasting anal lube and keep applying throughout your session. You need more than you think!

4. Take it slow at first

If you’re the giver, you might be excited to start pumping away – but go slow. It’s easier, and more fun for everyone, if the receiving partner is super relaxed and horny. Try oral sex or masturbating together (always a sexy way to get started) and make sure your partner is really aroused before you penetrate them.

If you’re enjoying brandishing your new phallus, ask your lover if they’d like to go down on you. It could be an unexpected turn-on for both of you! Otherwise, try a tracing a wand vibrator over their clitoris and other erogenous zones while you tell them how excited you are to penetrate them (but use sexier words, please).

When it’s time to penetrate your lover, ease yourself inside them and stop there. Let them adjust to the feeling of having you inside them while you caress and kiss their body. Then, start to gently rock or grind your hips. Reapply lube if you need to and start to build the place.

You’re the receiver? You might not climax straight away, or at all, the first time you have sex with a strap-on. That’s OK! Focus on what feels good, stop if anything doesn’t, and enjoy the ride. The goal is your pleasure, which can happen even if an orgasm doesn’t.

5. Keep checking in

One of the tricky things about wearing a strap-on is you don’t have nerve endings in your dildo. There’s nothing stopping you from thrusting a little too hard in the heat of the moment.

To keep things safe and sexy, ask your partner how it feels. Listen to their words and pay attention to their body language, facial expressions, and the little noises they make. Let them guide the depth and pace.

If you’re the receiver, be sure to communicate what feels good and what doesn’t. Don’t be shy! It’s so sexy when you can tell your partner’s enjoying themselves.

6. Add a bullet vibe to your strap-on dildo

Some strap-ons kits come with a small pocket in the harness or inside the dildo – perfect for slipping in a bullet vibe. If the wearer has a vulva, they’ll enjoy delicious rumbles while they thrust. Depending on your kit, those vibrations could travel down the length of the dildo to tantalise the receiver too.

7. Try different positions

Both you and your partner have unique bodies, so there’s no knowing what sex positions will work for you until you’ve tried a few. (Experimenting's half the fun). Here’s some inspiration:

• Doggy style. It opens up the receiver’s body, making loads of room for a penis or dildo. Plus, they can reach their own penis or vulva and use a male masturbator or a clitoral suction toy for extra pleasure. If it’s your first time with a strap-on, the receiver can set the pace here.
• Pretzel. Like Doggy, but you can actually see each other’s faces. With lots of intimate eye contact, the giver can easily read their lover’s facial expressions and adjust their thrust accordingly. If the bottom has a vulva, this position gives the top an amazing view of their lover’s arse, with the option to gently finger that butt while your strap-on is busy in other places.
• Reverse Cowgirl. Incredible G-spot stimulation and a chance to yeehaw! What’s not to like? Going on top also means the receiver controls the pace and depth, meaning they’re more likely to get their Os. That said, it’s hard work on the legs and thighs, which can tighten the sphincter muscles. So, if you’re trying anal play, this might not be the best position for beginners.

Just a heads up: If you’re wearing a strap-on and don’t have a penis, you might find thrusting surprisingly difficult! It uses muscles you’ve probably rarely ever used (unless you’ve got an Elvis-inspired drag act we should know about). Go for subtle movements and try positions like Missionary that allow a gentler grind.

8. Clean your strap-on straight away

Yes, it’s a little faffy to clean your strap-on when you’re still blissed out on orgasms. But what’s worse is being in the heat of the moment next time and having to scrub your dildo before you play. Cleaning your strap-on straight away after sex will stop the crust (horrible) and harmful bacteria growing on your toy between sessions.

If you really can’t bring yourself to do the whole soapy water routine right away, invest in some sex toy wipes which can freshen up your toy in seconds. We’d still recommend giving your toy a proper wash with warm water every now and then (but it can at least wait until after you debrief). Spray on your toy cleaner, leave it for a few seconds, then rinse thoroughly. Leave your toy to air dry completely on a clean surface.

9. Have a cuddle and a debrief

Strap-on sex can be wild and fun, but you always need a debrief. Ask your partner what they liked and didn’t like so you play even better next time. Don’t be afraid to share your feedback with them, either. Being able to communicate about sex in a healthy way is a huge, sexy green flag.

No buckles, no straps, just double the pleasure. Strapless strap-ons have a posable arm that slips inside the wearer (with plenty of lube, of course). Often, they have vibration settings – or at least the option to add a bullet vibe.

The idea is that both the giver and receiver get to enjoy internal stimulation, leading to spine-tingling orgasms for both of you. But there’s a catch!

You do need quite good pelvic floor muscles to keep the strap-on inside you. Otherwise, you might find the strap-on slips out as soon as those thrusts get passionate. If you have trouble keeping on yours in place, consider strap-on briefs. You should be able to slip the dildo part of your strap-on through the hole, while the briefs offer a more snug, comfortable fit than a harness.

When you buy your first strap-on kit, it might come with one or two dildos included. If not, you’ll soon be looking for new dildos to switch things up. Strap-on sex is really fun and very personal, so it’s worth exploring different toys to match your body.

Before you do, it’s helpful to know how to measure your O-ring and choose a dildo to fit:

1. Measure the internal diameter of your O-ring. Get a tape measure or ruler and measure a straight line across the inner circle of the O-ring (that’s the space your dildo will actually go through rather than the full width of the O-ring). Now you know the diameter.

2. Multiply the diameter by π (pi) and round it up to two decimal places. Or go to your search engine and type “diameter to circumference calculator” to save yourself the trouble. The important thing is you get the circumference of the O-ring, as this will tell you what size dildo to get.

3. Shop for a dildo that matches the circumference. On Lovehoney, you’ll find the circumference of each dildo under ‘Specifications’. For example, this <u>Lifelike Lover 6 inch Dildo</u> has a circumference of 5 inches, which means it’ll fit an O-ring with 1.5-inch diameter. Look out for dildos with a wide circular or suction cup base to keep them in place.

If you already have a dildo, but you’re buying a new O-ring or harness, get the circumference by measuring the shaft of the dildo just above the base (i.e. the bit that will sit inside the O-ring).

What about Vac-U-Lock strap-ons?

Instead of O-rings, Vac-U-Lock dildos use a unique plug system to securely hold the dildo in place during strap-on play. This style of strap-on was designed by Doc Johnson to simplify the issue of sizing your stap-on dildo. With Vac-U-Lock, you don't need to worry about the girth of your dildo, since the plug is compatible with all Vac-U-Lock kits. But, if you want to explore outside the Doc Johnson range, we recommend getting a set of O-rings in different sizes. That way, you can swap your dildos out whenever you please.