How to Do Anal Sex in a Fun, Safe Way

In this guide: Why people love anal | How to prepare for anal | How to do anal

If you’re one of the lucky ones, you’re finding this page before you ever try anal. Otherwise, you might be one of the many people who’ve tried it without any prep – and left feeling unsure and in pain. Either way, we love that you’re curious to find out how to make the whole experience even better.

Anal sex can feel really, really good – it just takes a bit of know-how. For example, one Lovehoney Forum user called raspberry describes their first anal experience as “okay”. But lately, “receiving anal feels incredible,” they say. “The prep that goes into anal sex; the foreplay and warm-up make me feel really taken care of.”

So, how do you get from ‘okay’ to ‘incredible’? We asked sensual intimacy coach, Oli Lipski, to share her expert advice. In this article, you’ll get the low down on how to do anal sex and how to prepare for it. You’ll get practical tips for anal play that feels fun and safe, no matter your gender or sexuality.

Only got time for a quickie?

The full guide is packed full of tips, techniques, and toy recommendations. But if you’re short on time, here’s the quick version:

• Anal sex can feel uniquely, deeply pleasurable – no matter your gender or sexuality. If it’s something that excites you, learning more about it can help you explore safely and without shame.

• You can say no. Anal sex isn’t for everyone and it’s important to understand your own boundaries around sex. Practice saying no or speaking up when something feels uncomfortable.

• Good hygiene is essential. Wash your hands, genitals, and anal area with warm water and a mild soap before sex. Never go straight from anal sex to vaginal without washing the toy, penis, or fingers thoroughly first.

• Lube makes anal sex feel more comfortable. The anus doesn’t self-lubricate, so you need anal lube for smooth entry. It’ll also help protect you from tiny tears in the skin, which can get infected.

• Relax and get aroused first. When you’re turned on, your body relaxes. This makes anal sex easier and more pleasurable. You can also play with anal toys first to get used to the feeling of penetration.

• You might see poo. Look, sh** happens. Don’t be ashamed! If your partner can’t handle the idea, then they’re probably not ready for premium access to your behind.

Your butt is full of nerve endings and, given how close it is to your genitals, it’s not that surprising that it’s an erogenous zone for a lot of people. Some like the feeling of fullness or being stretched.

Anal penetration also “indirectly stimulates the back of the internal clitoris,” says sensual intimacy coach Oli Lipski, which may feel even better when you masturbate your clitoris externally at the same time. For those with male reproductive organs, anal sex can stimulate the prostate (a.k.a the male G-spot) and may even lead to intense prostate orgasms.

Then there’s the psychology of it all. “It feels amazing; tight and deep and it seems naughty,” says Hubby.and.Wife on the Lovehoney Forum. Lingering taboos might give you complicated feelings about anal sex – but it might also be part of the reason it turns you on! “The main thing for me is the ‘kink’ behind it. I get so turned on just thinking about doing it,” writes WB1987.

Aside from feeling “naughty”, anal sex can also feel quite intimate. “We’re both tuned into each other, more so than with other types of sex because of the care and attention that anal sex requires,” says raspberry. It requires even more communication, especially if you’re trying a new dynamic like pegging. “To be that vulnerable and trusting is something that connects us as a couple,” says LIL_KNOWN69.

Read more in our guide: What Does Anal Feel Like?

Worried about the mess – or just don’t know what to expect? Getting prepped properly will help. When you know how to keep clean, prepare your body, and navigate a new sexual experience with your partner, it all becomes a lot more fun.

Practice breathing into your butt (seriously!)

“Learning to enjoy anal sex is a lot about learning to breathe and gain control of the muscles around your anus,” says Dr Ben Davis, men's health GP and COSRT-registered sex therapist. “These muscles are connected to your autonomic nervous system, which means they tighten in response to stress and anxiety.”

Ben recommends taking a deep breath in, then breathing out for six counts as you focus relaxing your anus. Take long, slow breaths as you gently push out (like you’re going to the toilet). “This can help open up and release your pelvic floor and make anal sex more pleasurable,” he explains.

“When your pelvic floor muscles are tight, your anus is tight and putting something inside it can cause more friction and pain,” says Ben. Relaxing these muscles means less friction, less pain, and more pleasure.

Consider playing solo first

Before anal sex, start with anal masturbation. “It’s really helpful to connect with your anus on your own,” says Dr Ben Davis.

“Start with a finger or two so you can feel the connection with your body and your pelvic floor muscles before graduating to anal toys,” says Ben. First, slide a clean, lubed up finger into your butt. Apply gentle pressure on the ring of muscle around your anus. Breathe and notice your anus relax (it should happen in about 10-20 seconds).

If that feels okay, try circling or tapping your fingertips while you play with your penis or clit. You could also wear a small butt plug while masturbating to see how it feels. As you get more confident, you can use bigger toys or insert more fingers – just be generous with the lube.

Communicate boundaries

When you do try anal with a partner, you’ll need to be confident that you can both communicate well. “Do you trust yourself to make adjustments if it’s uncomfortable?” sexpert Oli Lipski asks. “Or to say ‘no’ if it hurts?”

It’s easier to communicate your boundaries when you’re paying attention to what’s going on in your body. Think about the sensations you’re actually feeling in the moment, rather than how it should look or feel. “Listen to your body’s signals when it wants something and when it doesn’t,” Oli recommends.

Forget what you’ve seen in porn

There’s nothing wrong with exploring a new fantasy through porn, but don’t expect real life to be the same. Firstly, porn rarely shows performers getting clean, lubing up, or doing adequate foreplay. It also places way too much importance on huge phalluses and hard, pacy sex.

You’ll probably have a better time if you work your way up, starting slow and using small anal toys or a finger. Focus on how each sensation feels before you turn up the intensity.

Eat a diet rich in fibre

Eating fibre-rich foods such as whole grains, nuts and seeds, fruit and veggies adds bulk to your poo, which helps keep you regular. With regular, healthy bowel movements, you’re less likely to encounter mess during anal.

“Natural whole foods are always better than supplements, but some people find a fibre supplement like ispahgula husk helpful for maintaining their gut health,” says Dr Ben Davis.

Introduce extra fibre gradually and maintain a balanced diet as much as you can (rather than just wolfing down a bowl of Weetabix before anal). You'll also need to drink plenty of water to help your gut digest it. You can always speak to a GP or nutritionist before making any big changes to your diet.

Go to the toilet an hour before

Sorry if you’re the spontaneous type; anal sex is all about forward planning. Aim to go to the loo about an hour before you intend to have sex.

Unless you really need to go, poo doesn’t sit in the rectum, so having a bowel movement should clean you out enough for anal. Saying that, there may be some traces of faeces or bacteria left behind after going to the toilet, so a good wash between your cheeks helps too.

“Many people live with irritable bowel syndrome (IBS). Anxiety around sex and whether you’ll be clean or not can make the condition worse,” says Ben. Try to take the pressure off yourself and accept the fact that anal sex may come with a spot of mess. Focus on pleasure and don’t feel like you have to do anal.

Get nice and clean

Carefully wash the anal area, your genitals, hands, and any toys that might get involved. Use mild, unscented soap and warm water to reduce the risk of irritations and infections.

Douching isn’t essential prep for anal sex, but some people find it gives them peace of mind. It involves squirting salt water into your anus to clean you inside out – but doing it too often can damage the intestinal lining. Pick an anal douche with a soft, squeezable bulb to make it easy for you to control the pressure.

Bear in mind, even if you’re clean, you might see poo. Learning to be comfortable with this is part of enjoying satisfying anal sex. “Sex is supposed to be fun!” Oli Lipski reminds us. “If you can bring in a sense of playfulness and humour, this may help ease fears if ‘shit happens’. [But] if you or your partner can’t handle potential mess, there’s really no shame in trying something else.”

Gently stretch your anus with toys

Even if you’re experienced, you might not be able to take a penis or large dildo right away in every session. In the Lovehoney Forum, batjamboree says, “It took time to accept a penis – but using toys such as butt plugs helped.” So, build your way up from a finger or plug to anal beads.

The first time you use a dildo, hold it yourself so you can control the depth and pressure. This will help your bum stretch gently and get you ready for anal sex with partner. And always use water-based lube with your sex toys, rather than silicone-based. It’s better for the materials of your toy.

Types of anal toys to try

• Anal beads with nodules of increasing sizes gradually stretch the sphincter as each bead is inserted. Some anal beads vibrate, too. Check out our guide on how to use anal beads.

• Butt plugs apply pressure to the nerve endings in the anus which can enhance your orgasms. They should have a flared base to keep the plug in position and stop them from being sucked up by the sphincter. Learn more about using butt plugs.

• If you have a prostate, inserting a prostate massager might feel amazing. Don’t be alarmed by the big tip – the larger surface area provides more contact with the P-spot. Find out how to use a prostate massager for tips.

• There are also all sorts of strap-on kits available. Attach a slim pegging dildo to a harness for beginner’s anal sex or try a strapless strap-on for a dildo that pleases you both at the same time.

You might also want all your toys, tissues, and sex toy wipes within reach so you don’t interrupt the vibe later.

Like any sex, the best way to get confident with anal sex is by giving it a go and checking in with your partner (and yourself) about what feels good.

If you’re the giver, take things slow and make sure your lover is super aroused before you penetrate them anally. If you’re the receiver, speak up about what feels good (or doesn’t) and let yourself get comfortable with the idea of a little mess.

Consider condoms

Anal sex comes with a higher risk of STIs, so consider using a condom when you’re having sex with someone new. Remember to use a new condom if you’re switching from anal to vaginal sex, otherwise the receiver could end up with a urinary tract infection (UTI). Wearing a condom makes the clean-up easier, but it doesn’t replace washing. So, when you’re done, bin the used condom and give yourself a good wash.

Get nicely lubed up (and skip numbing gel)

Lube makes penetration smoother and reduces the risk of tiny tears in your delicate anal skin. Consider using anal lube, which is thicker and longer lasting than normal lube. It won’t dry out as quickly – but do re-apply often. You’ll probably need more than you think.

And don’t be tempted to use numbing gel. It’s not a lubricant and the numbing effect on your body will mean you won’t necessarily know if something’s hurting and if you need to stop. Pain is an important signal, so don’t ignore it.

Try rimming and fingering first

Indulge in a long, steamy make-out sesh. Give each other a sensual massage that turns into oral sex and rimming (if you’re shy about the taste, flavoured lube makes this a lot more fun). Whatever works for you, take your time to get turned on. This will help relax your body (and your sphincter), which makes anal penetration easier.

You can also tease the rim of the butt hole with a lubed finger; circle the opening or gently stroke it up and down. When you’re both ready, apply more lube gently press the finger against the opening of the anus. If you’re both keen, you can progress to inserting a well-lubed finger or small toy.

“Before incorporating any big movements,” Oli suggests keeping whatever is in your bum still for a minute or so. “This way, the sphincter becomes adjusted to the sensation” and your partner can continue to slowly push their finger or the toy in a little further.

Once your partner’s finger or the toy is fully inserted, they can try massaging in small circles or pulling out and then pushing back in, repeatedly, as you would for penetrative sex. Keep talking to your partner about feels good and be sure to slow down or stop if either of you need to.

Find the position that works for you

As a beginner, stick to anal sex positions that feel comfortable for the receiver. Positions like Reverse Cowgirl (or Cowperson!) are a good place to start, because the receiver controls the depth and pace of penetration. Lean forwards into your hands while you’re on top, and rock or grind rather than bounce, if that’s more comfortable.

Doggy Style with an arched back can open you up and provide more space for deep penetration, but it can get passionate, so make sure you’re comfortable telling your partner to slow down if needed. Try Missionary with the receiver’s hips lifted slightly on a sex wedge or pillow. It’s an underrated, intimate position with loads of eye contact, which might make communication feel easier.

Focus on pleasure

It’s easy to get distracted, worrying poo or rushing towards an orgasm. Instead, try and focus on the sensual feeling of having a finger, toy, or penis inside you.

Oli recommends breathing out slowly to relax your mind and body while you play. Think about how each thing feels and lean into pleasurable moments. If you notice a self-critical thought creep in acknowledge it and let it go – no need to zero in on it.

Go slow and build up

Pacy, passionate sex may be fun, but your first time can be slow and sensual. In fact, every time can start slow and build up as you get more into it. Trixie-n-Russell in the Lovehoney Forum says that “long slow strokes feel amazing” – so there’s no need to rush.

If you do want to stop mid-play, you can. Rather than pulling the penis or toy out quickly, remove it slowly to avoid tearing your skin. Then, see if your partner is open to a cuddle and a debrief. Having an open conversation about it will teach you both about your body, leading to better sex next time.

Don’t go straight from anal to vaginal sex

You don’t want bacteria from the anus getting into your vagina. You’ll increase your risk of UTIs, yeast infections, and bacterial vaginosis, to name a few unwanted visitors. Wash whatever was inserted into your rectum (fingers, sex toys a penis) before having vaginal sex. If you’re using condoms, now’s the time to get a new one – yes, even if you go through a whole packet in one session.

Weeing after sex also flushes away bacteria from the urethra, helping to prevent UTIs. It may not feel that sexy, but get into the habit of doing it after anal sex as well as vaginal.

Embrace the aftercare

Like any sex, anal can be vulnerable and intense. Afterwards, you might cuddle and relax with your partner, take a warm shower, or even rehydrate and have a snack. It’s all about calming your system and feeling grounded again.

A key part of aftercare is talking to your partner about sex – especially if you’ve tried something new. You don’t have to do it right away, but you should definitely make space for the conversation soon after. Tell your partner “I loved it when you...” or ask them “was there anything you’d want to do differently next time?”

If you feel any shame about anal, you’re not alone. It can be stigmatised, but it’s still a natural way to enjoy sex. Express your feelings your partner and let them know if you need time to decide whether it’s something you want to do again.

Get checked if something doesn’t feel right

“Haemorrhoids and anal fissures are very common problems, which can interfere with sexual pleasure,” says Dr Ben Davis. You can reduce the risk by using a really good quality anal lube and making sure you’re not constipated (another reason to eat enough fibre). Avoid straining on the toilet or sitting there for ages after you’ve finished – even if that Reddit thread is fascinating.

“If you notice a lump, really severe pain, bleeding, or discharge from your anus, it's worth seeing your doctor to see if you have haemorrhoids, a fissure, or any other problem with your gut,” says Ben. He also recommends getting regular STI checks, especially if you change partners.