This text blob will be inserted if Chump thinks the user is from the US
  1. After a long boring day at work, I decided to go through to the bedroom to watch a DVD. Jason joined me after a few minutes. I turned off the DVD because we like talking in bed…

    We decided to donate our bodies to medical science for the evening and do another tasting session. I started off by kissing his plums, and suddenly realised that since we accidentally bleached his pubic hair, it's like kissing Worzel Gummidge.

    I hastily moved onto smoother pastures and he was soon panting like a dog in a hot car. He produced a fine specimen of baby gravy, but not yet apple flavoured (or flavoured by anything else he'd consumed - curry, nectarines or Pot Noodle).

    Day: Thursday 14/9/06
    Time: 11pm
    Location: Bedroom
    Circumstances: Quick but intense one before going to bed.
    How did he taste? Sweet
    Sperm Test Rating: 1 (2=normal, 100=Golden Delicious Apple)

    Oh, oh, oh… I'm dying! Well… I guess I'm not really. J I just have a cold. But everything is a real struggle so thank you to my awesome boyfriend who picked me up from the supermarket after a long day and then cooked a very yummy dinner. He even made me a hot toddy! (Highly recommend ginger wine.) I am such a lucky girl.

    Well, you guessed it: no tasting today. And we had such plans. Well, at least I know why I've been eating like a horse for the past few days – I had those vile cold germs brewing up inside me! If you're ill like me, hope you feel better soon. For those of you who feel well… Well, there's a lot of it going around…

    I cleared my desk today at work. Tomorrow is going to be a tough day although I can't say why as it wouldn't be very politically (or legally!) correct and would involve me talking about some work issues that I just can't talk about. But things are going to get better! I am determined… (And, boy, I don't make up my mind often but when I do heaven help the world!)

    So… Even shorter blog today. Sorry for slacking but feel cr*p.

    I was woken early this morning by Jason's protuberance pressed up against me, but before I had a chance to make use of it my alarm went off and I had to get up for an 8.30 meeting at work.

    I spent the day thinking of what I could do to him when I got home, however it was my turn to be the ice-cream tonight (Lyon's Maid .. or should that be Loins Maid?) and to cut a long story short I ended up with his soon-to-be apple sauce inside me instead of my mouth - no tasting tonight then! Well not without some nifty yoga positions…

    I'm pooped tonight. I had a good, long, hard workout at the gym… And then had fish and chips for dinner! Well, I'm sorry but it's just one of the perils of living almost right next door to a fish and chip shop. It's just too easy! Low cal day tomorrow. Well, I'll try.

    My appetite's through the roof these days. And the other appetite? Well, it's just starting to gear up again after that time of the month. Looking forward when we both have some time at home doing nothing together so we can take some time to do something!

    We're very close and kissy and cuddly (although not when we're out) and I just love everything about Shane! He's got such kissable lips and I love the way he grabs me! What a man! Hm. Not sure how much I should tell you here… ;-) We'll see. I'll try and gauge how much I can say! Or how much I should say… But no, we haven't been at it like rampant bunnies tonight. Hmmm. We need to book some time in!!!

    Work was OK… I'm about to move departments within the company so… Just gearing up for that and hoping that everything will go OK. You know how it is: you want to impress everyone but don't want to seem as though you're arse licking. Well, I don't like to think I'm coming across that way.

    Ooooh. I'm so tired tonight I'm not sure how much you're going to get out of me. I'm going to take it easy tomorrow night and start planning for our party in October. It's taken us a year to get over the last one! Trust me. The carpet was SOAKED in beer and we had to tell the last DJ to stop at about eight o'clock in the morning. Our bedroom floor and our bed were covered in people. No, not like that! Lol Just people lying around talking and some in various states of… well. Just various states! That was a night and a half!

    Hm. I have just checked out whether there are any comments on the blog. But there was nowt. Only managed to notice a typo in my last diary entry. Laid bear???! I laid a bear. Painful. Sorry. I missed that one.

    A dopo (until later in Italian).

    I can't write for long because my hotel room has become the 'meet-up' point for everyone on this bloody holiday. I swear, everywhere I go someone tags along. I can't even go to the loo without one of the girls sharing a cubicle with me. It's like I'm in some damn witness protection program. I just want an hour to write my blog in peace!

    So real quickly then, the big news so far this week is that Sasha has been flirting with me like mad – proper leg stroking and ass fondling under the table – and so has her husband. I think there may be some threesome action on the cards. Please, please, please! Elsewhere, my friend Jessica pulled the sleaziest dude I have ever seen in my life last night. He told her he owned the restaurant we ate in. Turns out he collected the glasses. Oh, and I've lost my Nicole Farhi flats. Damn it!

    On with the main show. Here is the second erotic story excerpt of the week I promised you. This one is from a favourite book of mine…

    More Wicked Words: an erotic short story collection This particular story is called One Of The Boys by Robyn Russell, and it's about a 16-year-old girl called Sam, her boyfriend Jamie, his cousins, and a sex siren called Margaret who moves to their quiet town for one sizzling summer.

    We had a late night last night, so neither of us were in the mood for love this morning before work, but I checked he had taken his Sweet Release pill before I went off to work.

    I spent the day rushing around so I got home exhausted. I was supposed to be meeting Jason and his friend for a drink, but I was too tired and I knew that if I did go my online diary would never get written, so I sent him a saucy message and apologised for my absence. By the time Jason gets home, I will already be in bed and there will be no time for sperm testing, which is probably just as well - I think it tastes a bit funny after alcohol.

    What will we do with the drunken sailor….. Hmm, go back to sleep I reckon and hopefully dream of tomorrow's tasting session.

    Day: Tuesday 12/9/06
    Time: 8.30pm
    Location: Bedroom
    Circumstances: A quickie to check the taste
    How did he taste? Normal - quite neutral
    Sperm Test Rating: 1 (1=normal, 100=Golden Delicious Apple)

    …Have just looked at the photo (taken with phone camera in crap light) and realised you can see jack in terms of details. Well, at least if you’re wondering what some of the images on the bedroom wall are, now you know – although I guess there’s always a danger that you might not be interested… ;-)

    Oh. I just asked Shane if he wanted to say something but he said it’s supposed to be my blog. I reckon he’s just SHY. We’ll coax it out of him yet! And the rest.

    Well, today we’ve both been at work, and working our little bottoms off! I went to the gym this evening, so I feel pretty virtuous. Determined to fight the good fight against being thirty!

    Diet today? Both of us pretty healthy and veggie. No, we’re not vegetarians but we do eat a varied diet – everything from junk food to nuts, seeds, berries and pulses. Everything in moderation and a little of what you fancy is very definitely good for you. ;-)

    So… Foreplay…

    We ate dinner and relaxed for a while in front of the box and started kissing and stroking one another whilst we were sitting on the sofa. After a while, I’m sorry to say that we moved to the bedroom. I didn’t fancy kneeling on my scarred (car accident) knees on the living room carpet this evening. And the painters are in so… *sigh* We are a little limited. Well, I limit myself in that situation. BUT I promise we’ll try to be a little more creative later on in the month.

    So let’s get down to it.

    More entries