Ever since I was a young girl, I could never get enough of leafing greedily through erotic stories and purring over real-life sexcapdes. For me, there was nothing better than lying in bed, naked, and reading about a man engorging a woman's clit with his expert mouth, or a woman being fucked relentlessly to the point where one smouldering orgasm blurred into another.
I used to lie in bed, fantasizing about those erotic encounters and wondering how fantastic they would feel, while using my in-experienced hands to finger and touch my own clit and juicy lips.
There's tons of excruciatingly horny short stories, dirty books and naughty tales I want to tell you about, so I'll start with one that makes me want to fuck hard every time I read it.
Sometimes I get so horny while reading this passage that I can't get to the end; overwhelmed with the need to rub myself and thrust my trusty Jack Rabbit vibe deep inside my velvety enclave.
What I love most about this passage from The Chef's Revenge (by Tabitha Flyte) is how the character, Tasha, loves to fuck like men: hard, selfish and with a desire to just 'shove it.'
If you want to read this story in its entirety, you can find it among a tasty selection of erotic short stories compiled for More Wicked Words - An Erotic Story Collection (Black Lace).
In the mean time, devour this passage and, whether you're alone or in the company of a lover, I defy you not to fuck in the nearest closet or stock room!
Amusing article from Canada's Montreal Gazette:
Cellphone chargers. Designer clothing. Computers. Empty suitcases. Dentures. Fake limbs. Sex toys.
Ask any hotel housekeeper in the city about the things that guests leave behind, and you're bound to hear a peal of laughter in response.
"You wouldn't believe what people forget to take with them," said Vincent Mellet, director of housekeeping services at the Delta Hotel on University St.
"We see it all." Read the full article
One way to spare your blushes when you're on holiday is to choose sex toys for travelling. We have a whole range of discreet sex toys that won't take up much space in your luggage and also won't raise any eyebrows from Customs officials - or housekeepers, for that matter. We've written a complete guide to choosing sex toys that travel well.
Men in northern South Africa turn to nature when seeking to achieve the effects of the male impotency drug Viagra.
The root of the wild Mpesu tree (Securidaca Longepeduculata) found in the villages of the Venda district near the Kruger National Park along the border with Zimbabwe is said to be the source.
The compound extracted from its root and consumed with tea and other traditional drinks has been shown to relax the muscles of the male sex organs, sending a rush of blood that results in enhanced erections.
"You just have to see the local male population roving about with a spring in their step to realise their claims to being 'the most sexually potent men on earth' might be valid," Johannesburg-based newspaper Sowetan said.
Botanists have confirmed the effects of the tree that has reportedly long been known to and exploited by traditional healers in the area. A teaspoon of the medicine sells for around 50 rand ($7). [Read the full story at AHN]
What a lucky bunch of gentlemen. And if your garden tree's not yielding something to get your pecker up (we wouldn't recommend chewing any of the berries), our large selection of natural Viagra alternatives, like VigRX, can do the job without any unfortunate bark/penis interface scenarios.
ALOHA, Oregon (AP) -- A woman who called 911 to get "the cutest cop I've seen" sent back to her home got a date all right -- a court date.
The same sheriff's deputy arrested her on charges of misuse of the emergency dispatch system.
Washington County Sheriff's Sgt. David Thompson told KGW-TV of Portland it all started with a noise complaint called in last month by neighbors of Lorna Jeanne Dudash. The deputy sent to check on the complaint knocked on her door, then left.
Thompson said Dudash then called 911, asking that the "cutie pie" deputy return.
"He's the cutest cop I've seen in a long time. I just want to know his name," Dudash told the dispatcher. "Heck, it doesn't come very often a good man comes to your doorstep."
After listening to some more, followed by a bit of silence, the dispatcher asked again why Dudash needed the deputy to return.
"Honey, I'm just going to be honest with you, OK? I just thought he was cute. I'm 45 years old and I'd just like to meet him again, but I don't know how to go about doing that without calling 911," she said.
"I know this is absolutely not in any way, shape or form an emergency, but if you would give the officer my phone number and ask him to come back, would you mind?"
The deputy returned, verified that there was no emergency and arrested her for misusing the 911 system, an offense punishable by a fine of up to several thousand dollars and a year in jail.
Holey moley! This would be a perfect reason why, if you have a carnal need for dark blue with sensible shoes, you should get yourself some Police Uniforms from our store, not bother the real thing while they're on duty, otherwise it could all end very messily. And not in a good way.
We've got plenty of British Sexy Police Uniforms, and, in honour of the cutie pie cop, an American Police Women's Uniform and American Police Man's Uniform too.
LONDON - A British police force on Thursday defended a magazine article advising women intent on getting drunk to make sure they are wearing nice underpants.
Suffolk Police in eastern England said the "tongue-in-cheek" advice in the police-backed magazine Safe was intended to curb binge-drinking by young women.
An article in the debut issue advises women "intent on getting ratted" to ensure they are "wearing nice pants" in case they pass out. [Read full story]
What girl doesn't wear nice pants when she's out on the town? If you're in need of hot new pants - or new hot pants, ho ho - check out our Briefs and Shorts and Thongs and G-Strings - and our Kylie Hot Pants too!
Another great review from Orgasm Army!
"I hated the picture on the packaging, which slightly put me off. But once you're strapped in, and actually the straps all by themselves are incredibly erotic, the fun starts.
I tried this last night with one of my favourite pairs of lacy knickers on under the harness, and just getting into it was such a turn on. Then you tighten the straps, and last night we tried me fucking my boyfriend. We wanted me to have the same experience fucking him as he has fucking me. It was great…"
See more Tantus Bend Over Beginner Harness Kit reviews at Orgasm Army.
Buy the Tantus Bend Over Beginner Harness Kit at Lovehoney.
The French may have invented the bicycle, but it takes American ingenuity to come up with the two-wheeled dildo love fest that is Merry Saddles, a deeply clever and very kinky fusion of bicycles and sex toys that's all in the name of art. Be interesting to see someone enter the Tour De France on one of these… The brainchild of artist Kiera Dooley, she explains her pedal pumping creations thus:
The intention of my ongoing project is to "enlighten" society about desire in a positive and often humorous way. Poster propaganda was the primary medium of choice in which dildos attached to bicycle seats began to erect themselves in my lithographic prints. Subsequently, I designed hand bound erotic artist books, echoing literary smut that has been distributed throughout underground circles for ages. These books share intimate stories about my fetishistic alter ego and her desire for bicycles as sexual objects. Additional bicycle perversions surfaced in my imagination, bringing about the flamboyant Merry Saddles™ Bedroom Bicycles™ parading in custom lingerie and bicycles that have been physically transformed to accommodate intimate riding situations for couples. Theoretically stated, the bicycle has served as a loaded signifier within my work, oscillating between transcendentalism, feminism, and gender issues. Simply put, I love to ride my bicycle(s). [Read more]
We might have to get some of these. It makes our sex furniture look positively tame… or makes them works of art.
Another great review from Orgasm Army!
"My collection had plenty of dildos and vibrators, strap-ons, bondage gear, but only one timy little butt-plug and some little anal beads, I felt I'd outgrown them. It was time to branch out!
I've purchased Jelly Krystals products before and they're always fun, good quality products so I took the plunge. When it arrived I was a little intimidated by the size of the shaft (and the missus said "No way, you're the reviewer, not me!") so we decided to use it vaginally instead…"
See the full Jelly Krystals Ravishing Reamer Anal T review at Orgasm Army.
Buy the Jelly Krystals Ravishing Reamer Anal T at Lovehoney.
Another great review from Orgasm Army!
"You can have two very experiences for the price of one with this baby. Without the sleeve the slightly flexible acrylic shaft vibrates very powerfully at its maximum speed.
It feels great for clitoral stimulation, a very intense experience and a quick route to orgasms! For vaginal penetration the undulating shaft feels amazing.
It's not very thick but the feeling of the ridges as it slides in and out stimulates the g-spot perfectly, and feels good with or without vibration. It would also be suitable for anal penetration when used with plenty of lube.
And now the real fun begins…"
See the full Heavy Metal Transformer Vibe review at Orgasm Army.
Buy the Heavy Metal Transformer Vibe at Lovehoney.
Flipping 'eck! MegaStar reports that miserly bosses of celebrity totty show Love Island have banned vibrators or any other sort of sex toy being taken onto the paradise island. Apparently the show's organisers are trying to make the Z-grade celebs so desperate for sex they'll start making whoopee with one another for the edification of viewers. Apparently Sophie Anderton was "furious" at her "electric friend" not being able to come along. Like the MegaStar says - "No sex toys? Next thing you know they'll be banning bananas."
Sophie's more than welcome to go shopping in Lovehoney's truly huge selection of sex toys whenever she gets back from what sounds like trouble in paradise…