OK, how many of you watched Channel 4's cock-umentary on the world's biggest penis last week? I did, and it reminded me of an experience I had when I was a teenager. It wasn't anything to do with the world's biggest penis, but more like the world's smallest.
My friend Jennie was dating this guy called Andrew, who was studying at Bournemouth University, and she nagged me to go with her to visit him for the weekend. The prospect of playing gooseberry just so Jennie could get her rocks off wasn't appealing in the slightest, especially seeing how most of Andrew's mate's comprised the biggest sector of geeks I'd ever laid eyes on.
Still, the price of being a good friend is to sometimes waste a weekend talking to guys you'd never look at on a night out, just because you don't want to offend your mate's new beau.
So we arrived at Bournemouth station, Andrew was late and we had to wait an age for him to turn up. He eventually strolled over to us, reeking of booze and declaring that he and his mates – who were huddled just a few meters down the platform giggling and pointing at Jen and I – were in the middle of an all-day drinking competition. They had decided that we had to join in immediately, even though we were laden with baggage.
I had to be in work early, so I was up with the lark (but not with thrush thankfully). Anyway, ornithology aside…
Finished work and then rushed off to my voluntary work, chaired a meeting and finally got home about 8pm. I had a vodka or two to wind down after all that and by the time I caught up with my emails, it was way past our bed-time. No sex, no blow-jobs and no tastings.
Well, I couldn't sleep this morning and so I decided to wake Shane up by burrowing down under the sheets and taking his limp cock in my mouth. It didn't stay its tender state for long. It neverd does, which is something that always turns me on even more. We ended up having sex in the shower as we decided that we did have to start getting ready for work afterall but that maybe we could compromise by combining two activities: making love and showering. Oh and of course it is much more eco-friendly to share a shower with a friend… ;-)
Shane came in my mouth as I knelt in front of him to finish him off and I'm sorry to say that there was absolutely no hint of the taste of apple. :-(
Despite the wonderful start to the day, the rest of it was pretty normal. Nice. But normal. :-)
Jason had a severe case of morning glory that looked like it needed attending to, so I woke him up with a blow-job. A slightly more leisurely affair than the previous one. If it was an ice-cream cone, I would have been nibbling the chopped nuts, licking the drips and rubbing my tongue over the frozen strawberry sauce, rather than shoving it all in my mouth at once. It didn't seem very appley - I hope we're not diluting it by making Jason come too often.
We got up, had a lazy day and then went to bed, where Jason sent the Salty Sailor in to explore my mirky depths….
On Sunday we went to a really GREAT restaurant in West Ealing with my mum. It's called the Kiwi Kitchen and serves awesome food! I'm really sorry to do this bit of advertising for them but, honest to God, I don't know the people that run the place and I won't get anything out of doing this but for their wonderful food and excellent service (and not to mention a yummy merlot) - and all at a decent price - they really deserve it! I am quite fussy when I go out to eat but this was all scrumptious home cooked food. And the lamb was to die for!
That aside…. Well, for the person who has complained that I'm boring… Sod ya. If there's one thing I'm not, it's that. Maybe you need to get a life if you can't find anything better to do with your life than attempting to insult strangers on line. Mind you, I suppose it takes all sorts…. *sigh*
I couldn't sleep last night. So when Shane and I started kissing at bedtime, and when I felt his cock getting hard (something which I find hard to ignore) I found that even though my body was tired, it responded (as it always does) to Shane prodding his way into me. It was so nice to be close to one another, to feel skin upon skin whilst our hot mouths searched out deeper kisses… at the same time as other things were getting deeper. Well, although we had great fun, Shane's spunk (I tasted some afterspill) didn't taste of anything more than his lovely normal self….
Well, I'm afraid to say that apple-flavoured spunk seems to have elluded us somewhat. We had sex last night and this morning and, apart from the fact that I almost passed out this morning from the intensity of the feelings, really there was no taste of apple in Shane's spunk at all.
We didn't manage a tasting on Friday as we went out for a few drinks and then on Saturday I went with Shane to his place of work which is always nice. The area around where he works is very interesting. We went for lunch at a Japanese restaurant (a real treat) which was just awesome.
The chefs come and cook in front of you and watching Japanese chefs is always impressive - although unfortunately we didn't have the best person and our chef wasn't even Japanese! The couple next to us (you all sit at the same table in front of a large hot plate) had been there a number of times and mentioned that the chef had incorrectly carried out a number of actions (certain manuevres designed to provide entertainment). As we watched the young lady serving the table next to us, we understand just how incredible it should have been. The lady in question was Japanese and accompanied all her moves with a musical score of sounds executed with the implements she was using. It looked and sounded very cool.
Oh my God! I have just seen the time! I have to go and get dressed! It's Sunday morning. We're going to see my mu shortly and we're taking her out for lunch at a place where they have live jazz playing on a Sunday…
Oh, hair dying went well… Slightly lighter, more auburn hair now… Must dash!
Day: Saturday 7/10/06
Location: In bed
Circumstances: A quickie to help him get to sleep
How did he taste? Neutral
Sperm Test Rating: 6 (1=normal, 100=Golden Delicious Apple)
Lots of time and energy for sex today. We woke up about lunchtime, the Salty Sailor woke up shortly afterwards and we had sex. We met up with some friends in the evening and went to a Ron Mueck art exhibition, then home, an early night and a quick Hornblower. His salty water just tasted as normal, but there seemed to be less of it, maybe because it was Jason's third orgasm of the day. I must admit I'm beginning to wonder if the pills will have any effect.
Uneventful day at work, then off to the pub for 9pm. We got fairly drunk and then headed back to the flat with some friends. They left about 5am and we settled down in bed to watch some porn on the laptop. Mostly blow-job porn. I was amazed at the different techniques. Nothing like the gentle approach that Jason prefers. We got quite frisky and ended up having sex, but no tasting - probably just as well after all the alcohol consumed. I don't think I like alcohol-flavoured spunk!