One of the things you should know about me is that I appreciate a night in watching a great movie just as much as a night out prowling the streets with my best mates. And I'm not just talking about porno films, either. The Usual Suspects, Seventh Realm, Godfather II, Grease and Dirty Dancing (obviously!) are among my favourite films of all time.
But for all that lamenting, the film I watched last night, 9 Songs, could be classed as porn. I don't know whether any of you read the vast amount of interviews, features and articles written about the film and its stars when it was released two years ago, but 9 Songs (directed by Michael Winterbottom) is one of the most beautiful displays of eroticism I have seen in ages.
Trust me when I say, I would never recommend a perv-fest about courgette-shagging politicians or faeces loving swingers (unless that's what you're in to), but 9 Songs is a film you should watch at least once in your lifetime. The thing that made me gasp most is that the two stars, Margo Stilley and Kieran O' Brien, were not porn stars when they were cast for their roles, which makes what they do on screen way more horny than watching two seasoned pros display their moves like they have done a million times before.
Guys! When was the last time you hit the wall behind your head ;-)
"The heading says it all. I bought this little gadget in conjunction with the Pink Lady Fleshlight and the two simultaneously quite literally shattered my pelvis. The orgasm achieved was like none ever experienced. I'm considering firing my secretary because she does not perform as well after hours.
Any how, I lubed up with the recommended lube and slipped it into position, amazing how quickly the penis responds to a little pressure on the prostate. Rampant, I proceeded to contract my sphincter muscle, held it and then let go. I repeated this procedure for sometime while playing with my penis until pre-cum started to ooze from my penis."
See the full Aneros Maximus Prostate Massager review at Orgasm Army.
Buy the Aneros Maximus Prostate Massager at Lovehoney.
Not to be confused with Sellotape, duct tape or masking tape, bondage tape provides a unique opportunity for bedroom fun…
"Bondage tape is something that's always been on my shopping list, but somehow always got pushed aside by flashier gizmos. To celebrate a much earned payrise I decided to splash out on a few things, we NHS minions work hard and play harder. I warned the missus in advance, and told her to prepare to be tortured…"
See the full Bondage Tape review at Orgasm Army.
Buy the Bondage Tape at Lovehoney.
There's nothing better than a sleek, smooth glass dildo worked between your legs for a tantalizing session of masturbation. Unlike plastic or silicone dildos, the glass variety look more sophisticated, can be heated up or cooled down, are produced in the most beautiful kaleidoscope of colours and will last for ages (provided you don't chip them).
I wasn't keen on the idea of having a huge chunk of glass thrust inside me when I was first approached about using one, but I soon changed my mind when given a Love Labs Ribbed 8-inch glass dildo. Slathering it in my favourite Tracey Cox Supersex Love Lube, the titillating twists of the dildo's ribbed contours sensuously rubbed the inside of my vaginal walls and provided me with a delectable feeling when traced over my clit and nipples.
I've always used a flared-base dildo for anal play, but I have been known to use the tip of my Love Labs 8-inch for some fast anal thrusting if I'm incredibly horny! My top tip for using the Love Labs 8-inch glass dildo is to use it hot and wet. You can heat up your glass dildo by leaving it at room temperature for a few mins, then submerging it in a pan of hot water for five minutes. Once this is done you should empty out half of the tap water so that your dildo is part covered, then fill the pan with boiling water, remove the dildo and set aside for 25 minutes.
Then all you need to do is lube up your vagina and dildo, and lie back for some seriously hot glass dildo action!
You can buy the Love Labs 8-inch glass dildo at Lovehoney.
Jimmyjane is a brand of luxury sex toys that's been taking the USA by storm - Kate Moss was recently seen buying a Jimmyjane Little Chroma Luxury Everlasting Vibe, and now you can too! Lovehoney is the first shop in the UK to sell the Jimmyjane Little Chroma, so you too can feel like a supermodel - Vogue calls it "the most elegant and seductive accessory".
When it says "everlasting", it does actually means that. The Jimmyjane Little Chroma has a patented replaceable motor, so it really will last a lifetime! It's extra quiet - pretty much silent, in fact - and completely waterproof.
It offers a deep resonant vibration that varies along the length of the slim shaft, and the metal is easy to clean and safer for your body than conventional jelly vibes. It also holds temperature, so it can be heated up or cooled down.All materials are medical quality, body safe and dishwasher safe. The Little Chroma is lightweight, and made of high quality anodized aluminum.
Now you can see why Kate Moss bought one. And you can too - the Jimmyjane Little Chroma Luxury Everlasting Vibe is priced at £139.99, with free UK delivery, naturally. Not exactly a king's ransom, and also an ideal Christmas gift to drop very large hints about if you're a bit brassic.
The Jimmyjane is just one of the luxury sex toys we have in stock at Lovehoney - if you really want to be the girl who has everything, collect the set! (Although you might need a small bank loan first).
Oh, dear. I have been a very Bad Kitty! I'm sitting here in my night robe, completely hungover and feeling desperately sorry for myself. I have taken two headache numbing pills and can't keep much else down. To say I'm recovering from a night of debauchery would be a massive understatement. It's all I can do to sit here, very near to the bathroom in the advent of anymore projectile vomit, typing the words to tell you about last night.
It was my friend Beth's fault. She dragged me to a gig in London to watch this band she's been following for ages. She has a thing for the bass player, a hoary old rock throwback who had been wooing her with tales of touring in the 80s with tons of other bands I've never heard of. Anyway, Beth's been shagging him for a few weeks now, so I thought it was time I gave in to her persistent nagging to meet him.
The club was rank. It smelt of feet and stale beer, and was rammed with metalheads and rockers. I have to admit, some of those guys were pretty damn sexy, in a disheveled kind of way, and they were more than friendly than I expected. After a few beers and two shots of Jagermeister, Beth's bass playing beau came over with his lead singer/guitarist and drummer. Holy shit! The lead singer was a bit rough around the edges but he had a magnetic sex appeal that I was instantly drawn to. And the drummer, wow! Humungous arms with bulging muscles, covered in black tattoos and with long dark hair hanging over one side of his face. I could feel myself getting excited.
This may sound like a cliché, but I've always wanted to be fucked by a doctor. Every time I go for a check-up I look longingly at the examination table with its scratchy disposable paper and tartan blanket, and wonder what it would feel like for a sexy, well-built trainee doctor to strap my legs into those gynecological stirrups and have his wicked way with me.
I would love a trainee doctor to order me to strip down to my underwear, put on one of those cotton examination gowns, then slowly pull down my silk panties and leave them on the floor. He would then tell me to lie down on the table and place my legs in the two examination stirrups. While asking me intimate questions about my sex life, he would slowly run his hand up my thigh, lifting the examination gown as he moved.
Gently tracing his hands and fingers over the top of my thighs and abdomen, he would then work his way upwards and cup my breasts, spouting out the scientific term for each part of my body as his kissed and licked his way around… Femur, Sternum, Maxillae.
A pair of dedicated Orgasm Army recruits find out whether the new G-spot stimulation cream is any good…
"We tried this the other night with fantastic success. We had been eagerly awaiting a chance to give it a go, and WOW, was it worth it!
We were not starting cold with this one… we had a major warm-up sex session before giving it a try.
The instructions say where to locate the g-spot, using your fingers, and then apply with a finger, or perhaps on the end of a dildo/vibrator.
But I reckon the dildo option might spread it about too much and miss the target…"
See the full Ooooh! That's It! G-Spot Stimulation Gel review at Orgasm Army.
Buy the Ooooh! That's It! G-Spot Stimulation Gel at Lovehoney.
Sitting in a packed cinema isn't everyone's idea of a good night out, even if it is to watch the new Superman movie. So if you're desperate for some superhero action but can't face the crowds at your local Odeon, partake of some sexual heroics of your own. And there's no move more masterful looking than the Supergirl.
You don't need super hero powers to master this sexy position, but you do need some upper arm strength, a lot of confidence and a willingness to let your lover see your anus in all its glory! This position is just incredible for deep penetration and G-spot stimulation, and will make you and your partner explode with intense orgasmic rushes.
I came twice with the Supergirl move when play wrestling – naked – with this guy I met in Soho a few weeks back; a Scottish engineer called Tommy. After a few hours in bed we strayed in to my living room to explore other possible places to fuck on and in, and that's when we came up with this move. So if you fancy rocking your man's world with just one single move, bring out your inner Supergirl like this…
It's official: Sugar Rush is good for you!
No, I'm not talking about what would happen if you ate copious amounts of sweeties, chocolates and fizzy drinks, but the fantastic Channel 4 show Sugar Rush. Those of you who are already die-hard fans of the programme will know what I'm talking about. For those of you yet to turn on and tune in, Sugar Rush is a wickedly delicious show about a teenage lesbian called Kim, her dysfunctional family and her straight best mate (and long-time object of affection) Sugar.
Filmed on location in Brighton, Sugar Rush is now in its second series and things have been getting very naughty indeed! Kim has finally got over her Sugar fix with the help of new girlfriend and dildo buddy Saint, Kim's parents have joined a local swinging circle and her younger brother Matt has been indulging his semi-transvestite tendencies.
If you've never watched this immensely funny, sexy and intriguing programme before (it's on every Thursday at 11pm on Channel 4), you should seriously check it out. Series two of Sugar Rush is available from 21st of August, but don't wait that long: buy series one now and gen up before the second series arrives on your doorstep!
Sugar Rush is available to pre-order now from Amazon and Play.com.