A throwaway line -- "The Rampant Rabbit become known as the world's favourite sex toy after it featured in TV's Sex In The City" -- at the end of an Evening Standard report about a spat between Germaine Greer and the makers of the dire rabbit fever movie makes me want to set the record straight about rabbit vibrators - Rampant or otherwise.
A "rabbit" is a type of vibrator that typically has rotating shaft filled with plastic beads or metal balls, and, most importantly, a clitoral stimulator with rabbit ears that vibrate, usually to orgasmic effect.
There are many types of rabbit vibrator - dual speed, multi-speed, multi-pattern, multi-coloured, waterproof, the lot.
Jason got home about 8. I was watching a DVD in the bedroom. Jason had a shower and came to bed. I was lying with my head on his stomach and the Salty Sailor* made me aware that he liked that by tapping me on the head a couple of times.
I started off by kissing him gently, then licked and teased him all the way to fruition. It was hard to tell what it tasted of, but it's definitely not yet appley enough to make a Mr Kipling apple pie.
*For those of you who have not been following my diary from day 1, Jason's Salty Sailor is his cock….Well actually I like to think of it as our cock.
I took the afternoon off work. I was feeling in the mood for love, but Jason was working so I just had to do a solo performance. Off to the pub in the evening, pub quiz, chip shop, home by 12. No tasting. Except for vodka and chips.
Hi there! Oh it's so crap. I was exhausted this evening even though I'm not feeling well. I have some kind of female problem that no one can seem to get to the bottom of. Today I called the doctor and pleaded with them to refer me to a gynae - I can just whack it on the BUPA I get via work. It's been so long that I've had the problem now… Months. :-( And it does affect our sex lives mainly because whenever another bout of whatever it is kicks off I feel exhausted.
Well, I forced myself to go swimming regardless. And I did think about undressing Shane, walking to meet him in the car when he picked me up after my swim thinking about how much I would love to kiss his balls and suck his cock but… By the time we get home and our delicious dinner (as cooked by awesome Shane) has been eaten… Any desire to engage in sexual activity has been well and truly shushed by tiredness.
So on rolls another evening… The intention was there but…
Oh well. Such is life.
Hey sex kittens
Don't miss tomorrow's blog, as it will be the first part in a new Masterclass series about how to talk dirty to your lover.
We're going to start off simply with a few sexy phrases and suggestions of scenarios in which to use them; working all the way up over the next few weeks to turn you into a dirty sex talk goddess.
See you in class tomorrow… and don't be late or I'll spank your bottom!
Not content with grabbing the bosoms of embarrassed women and criticising their fashion tastes to the point of abuse, on their old BBC Show What Not To Wear, self-professed fashion stylists Trinny and Susannah are now hell-bent on trying their hand at 'healing marriages' in a new sex show.
Trinny And Susannah Undress starts next Tuesday (3 Oct) on ITV1, and is said to revolve around married couples whose sex lives have taken a nosedive.
And how exactly do Trinny and Susannah think they can put the "Oooh" back into a stale, 'sex is the last thing on my mind' marriage? By hiring a hotel room and locking the poor marital sods in there, with all manner of kinky treats including leopard-print handcuffs, edible panties and body paint.
Susannah even takes one of the women featured on the show shopping for sex toys. Let's hope she starts them off on a Mini Rabbit vibe and not a Strap-on…
According to the press release, Trinny And Susannah Undress also contains a segment called Naked Truth, during which the couple they're trying to help gets the chance to strip off behind a screen and talk about each other's bodies. Hmmm, here's hoping for some dirty talk!
I'll definitely be checking this out next Tuesday, if not to see if they actually achieve anything with this program but to see what Trinny and Susannah deem 'sexy' when it comes to male underpants.
So tired an busy and it's only mid-week. I went for a lovely deep-tissue massage thie evening and am totally zonked now. No tasting and am watching King Kong whilst typing… Will try to have something more relevant to say soon… ;-)
I only saw Jason asleep on Tuesday. I met a friend for a drink after work and Jason was asleep when I got home. Needless to say, there was no tasting.
It did occur to me after I went to bed that some of you may be wondering where safe sex comes into the equation. It's probably fairly obvious to you that we don't use condoms. We did when we first met, but once we realised that this wasn't just a quick fling, we got tested for everything. And, yes, I know that only works if we both stay faithful……. so far, so good.
If you have a spare few minutes whilst at home or in work this afternoon, hop on over to the BBC website and check out their bizarre but true story of Beijing's Penis Emporium.
Dog penises and testes, donkey cock, snake penises (snakes apparently have two each penises, according to a source quoted in the piece); sheep, horse, ox, seal and tiger. Apparently, all tastes and bank balances are catered for at Beijing's Penis Emporium.
I know the old saying goes something like, 'Don't knock it until you try it.' But seal penis? I don't think so…
Greetings people. Well, all I seem to have been doing the past couple of days is trying to recover from the weekend. I know, I know. I don't know why I do it either. It seemed like a good idea at the time. And, yes, I do realise all the horrible things I am doing to my body by consuming so much alcohol in one go. Hey, I'm just pre-empting someone writing to me and telling me.
I was at the gym again last night and tonight but thankfully the only thing I'm doing tomorrow is going for the massage that I've been promising myself I'll go for for ages. Deep tissue and hopefully painful. Hey, as far as I'm concerned it can't be doing much good unless it's painful.
Not sure that applies to everything in life but I have to see that usually the toughest of situations can reap the best of rewards. Well, maybe. Or maybe it just seems that way when you've been through a load of crap - you become grateful for any moment of pleasure! lol And the other kinds of pain? In the bedroom? I'm not adverse to a little of that. I have to say in the past that I have left some serious welts on partners. I tend to be a little more sedate and considerate these days and don't get as much of a kick out of 'marking my territory'! And pain executed on me? In moderation. Biting, being handled a little roughly. Being dominated by the lovely Shane. Aaaah. That's always a good thing… ;-)
Until the next time.