I'll think of some in a minute.
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Hey sex kittens
Just a quick post to say that if any of you buy New Woman magazine – I'm in there this month! Check out the Erotic Blog section and I'm in there talking about how and why you should set up your own sex blogs.
Check it out and let me know what you think x x x
For far too long, the world of electronic gadgets has been dominated by blokes, so it's great to see girly geek stire GadgetCandy.com redressing the balance.
As well as covering all that's new (and sometimes pink) in the world of mobile phones, home entertainment and videogames, the site also has a Naughty Candy section where it rounds up the latest knee-tremblers and pleasure products. Lots of fun to be had!
Add it to your RSS reader to read on your PDA and you'll be more informed than the know-it-all blokes down the pub!
Bad Kitty's Dirty Talk Show
On this week's Dirty Talk Show we have the extremely gorgeous and multi-talented Anna Span, Female-Friendly Porn Director and erotic author, talking about her kinky career and her top tips for how you can make your very own home porn movie!
Bad Kitty: Hey Anna, to begin with, can you give Bad Kitty readers a brief overview of what your job entails?
Anna Span: Since 1998 I have been writing, directing and producing porn films with over 185 scenes made to date. My job includes everything from choosing the models, writing the scripts, camera work and overseeing the editing. In the last year I focussed on setting up distribution, too.
BK: Why did you decide to get involved with the porn industry?
AS: Because I have always liked sex, because I knew it was important to add to women's understanding of their sexuality and because I am naturally experimental and this type of film allows you that space to experiment.
BK: How did you land your job as a porn director and what was your first job in the industry?
AS: I wrote my dissertation, 'Towards A New Pornography,' in 1997 at St Martins school Of Art while studying Fine Art, Film and Video. I then tried to make my first feature porn film by myself, but I eventually started making programmes for Television X while working there full-time as an Editor making censor's cuts – ironically!
BK: You're a director of 'female friendly' porn. What exactly does that mean?
AS: It involves camera shoots from a female perspective angle as well as the male; good looking guys; believable/funny scenarios; eye contact; good styling; non degrading roles for women; fantasy or reality type scenarios (I do two types) and humour. I also don't sell films by body types, ie, big-titted women or by acts, ie, all anal because women don't think like that.
BK: Which film would you say is the best example of your work?
AS: There isn't one that's best – some scenes really work, some less so. My personal favourites vary, but I like A&O Department and Anna's Mates a lot.
BK: What tips can you give Bad Kitty readers about making their own home porn videos?
AS: I've written a whole book on the subject called Erotic Home Video – Make Your Own Erotic Films, which has loads of tips on the subject, but I would mainly say that you should both share using the camera and explore your point of view. Put it on auto, as you wont make a technical masterpiece anyway. Begin the scenario with a narrative, which can start with sneaky peaks outside, and if you're embarrassed try mimicking porn stars to get started and use POV (Point Of View) shots as they evoke real sex and can be very horny.
BK: And how would people get around the problem of not having their own camerman?
AS: You could set it up on a tripod/chest of drawers or use a mirror.
BK: So what is the steamiest sex scene you have ever directed?
AS: There have been many. I shot a girl on girl scene the other day where one of the girl's had never had sex with a girl before, and the other did fisting, was shagged by a foot and a bottle as well as other acts and she was totally keen to do these things. The energy between the two was a one off!
BK: Do you ever get turned on when directing a sex scene?
AS: Yes sometimes, when it's really good, but there's a lot of technical stuff to keep your mind on, too.
BK: Have you ever acted in any porn films yourself? If not, would you consider doing it?
AS: I have made home movies and would maybe consider a cameo one day, but I'm not sure. I'm not really that much of an exhibitionistic.
BK: Have you worked with any major porn celebrities?
AS: Some British stars such as Hannah Hartley, Mckenzie Lee, Alicia Rhodes, Steve Hooper, Tony Di Sergio, Nadia/Pixie and Angel Long.
BK: Which porn actor/actress would you most love to direct and why?
AS: Belladonna, she is truly talented.
BK: If you could direct a porn film starring a Hollywood celebrity, who would it be and why?
AS: Hollywood doesn't really do it for me, I don't fancy any of them really!
BK: You mentioned earlier that you're involved in the casting process too, so what is the general casting procedure for a porn actor/actress?
AS: Male actors have to send in nude photos with erections and then audition wanking in a film (a bukkake or wanking in the background), and then in the next scene I will try them out on their own. A girl just needs to send in photos.
BK: Finally, what is your favourite sex toy and why is it your favourite?
AS: I can't remember the exact name but I have a Rabbit vibrator that has the Rabbit ears that tickle the bum, too. It makes the whole area between my clit and anus come alive.
It's not just girls who love the odd finger or two slipped in our ass during foreplay or sex. And it's not just girls who can be fucked with a few fingers and a lover's tongue. Guys get off on it just as much, as you'll find out by reading the excerpt below featuring a wheelchair-bound guy and a horny librarian, taken from Mathilde Madden's Wheels On Fire, published in Wicked Words 10: The Best Of Wicked Words (Black Lace):
With so many new vibrators coming through the Lovehoney office every day, it's sometimes easy to get blase about the orgasmic treats on offer. So it was a real treat to get hold of the Toy Joy Power of Tower vibrator which delivered such powerful vibrations that it had several girls in the office calculating their staff discount savings on the spot…
The Tower of Power's takes 3 C batteries which means it's got a lot more oopmh than most vibes. You can get the batteries free if you order before midnight on 12 November. Have fun :-)
So how many texts did you and your lover send to each other before cutting out of work early to get home and have sex? I had an email from a woman called Sioban who said:
'I had the day off work, so I said goodbye to my fiancé as he left our house, giving him no inkling whatsoever as to the text sex I was planning after reading your blog on it. About 11am I sent him my first text, just saying that I really enjoyed spending time with him at the cinema the night before – even though we didn't have sex, we held hands all the way through the film like two teenagers. It was nice to feel close and in love.
Anyway, my complimentary texts soon turned into flirty little numbers. My fiancé got into it quicker than I did, so when I texted him to say he should come home at lunch to 'eat,' it sent a thrill right through my body when he walked through our front door with a semi hard-on and a can of whipped cream. He didn't go back to work after lunch – he called in to say he had stomach ache. Must have been all that whipped cream he licked off me…'
Thanks to Sioban for letting me know how her text sex went down. You guys can do the same by emailing me at firstname.lastname@example.org or by leaving a naughty comment on the blog page. Go on, I'd love to hear from you!
Anyway, onto this week's Dirty Words masterclass. As we're nearing the end of this series it's about time we really got down to learning how to ask for what we want, how to describe what we want it and how to listen to and carry out our lovers' sexual requests in response. For that purpose, there is nothing better (or more enjoyable) than a personal sex questionnaire.
Unlike most sex questionnaires you're likely to come across when reading glossy mags, etc, the beauty of this personal sex questionnaire is that you and your lover get to come up with all the questions. What's so great about that? Well, it means you are getting specific answers to the sex questions you most want your lover to answer.
The personal sex questionnaire works like this: you both sit down with a sheet of paper and divide it in half. On one side of the sheet you write down questions you would like your lover to answer, then on the other side you write down questions that you would like to answer. Once you have answered the questions you have written for yourself, and your lover has done the same with their sheet of paper, swap sheets and answer the questions you have written for each other.
When writing questions for your personal sex questionnaire, try to be as honest, imaginative, experimental and as sexy as possible while still being true to yourself. For example, there's no point including a question about BDSM if neither of you are in to such activities, but if you want to start exploring bondage or sado-masochistic activities, include a question and answer in your column that addresses what you would like to try and then include a similar question in your lover's column to find out how he/she feels about it.
What you are trying to achieve with this questionnaire is an understanding of what drives you and your lover sexually; what turns you on in the bedroom – or indeed any other room you prefer to have sex in – what new positions, toys and techniques you want to try, what you like in the bedroom and, more importantly, what you don't like.
There are no rules as to how many questions you are allowed to have in your sex questionnaire. Obviously, you don't want to sit there all day, but you should put aside an hour to write down and answer each other's questions. This is the perfect opportunity to work on your sexual communication with each other, so don't rush it. The most important thing you should remember when writing and answering questions in your personal sex questionnaire is to be as sexy as possible, so don't be afraid to use lots of dirty words to describe what you want. You could even include a question on what dirty words you would like/dislike to hear in the bedroom.
When you have both answered your own questions and swapped sheets to answer each other's questions, it's time to read them out. You should go first. Sit facing your lover, and gather both sheets of paper in your hands. First of all you should read out your answer to the questions your lover wanted you to answer. Try and maintain eye contact throughout where possible and don't be afraid to elaborate on your answers. You should also allow each other to ask further questions about your answer once you have finished reading it aloud, as there may be something you want to clarify.
Once you have finished discussing your answers to your lover's questions, read out the answers to your own questions, discuss your answers and questions and then get your lover to repeat this process with their own questions and by answering the ones you want them to answer. After you have both finished reading out your answers, you can then use the information you have gathered about each other and formulate your very own sexual manifesto.
Using the answers from the questionnaire, you can write a list of what you both like, dislike, what you want to try, what you want to change and what your sexual commitments are to each other in the future. For example, 'We will spend more time on foreplay rather than leaping straight into penetrative sex each time.'
I have come up with a few sample sex questions to start you off, but try and come up with as many of your own questions as possible. After all, this is your very own personal sex questionnaire, so start thinking, and talking, dirty.
Our personal sex questionnaire
Questions for me:
1. What gets me in the mood for sex?
2. What room do I feel most comfortable and sexy in?
3. How do I liked to be kissed?
4. Where do I liked to be kissed?
5. This is what I like when you touch me:
6. Do I want you to go down on me before or after sex?
7. What technique do I love the most when you're going down on me?
8. Do I want you to finger my vagina and ass when you're licking me out?
9. Which position do I love to be fucked in?
10. Which position do I feel sexiest in?
11. Which position do I dislike the most?
12. Do I want to incorporate sex toys into our fucking?
13. Do I want to have anal sex?
14. What else can we do to make me come during sex?
15. What dirty words would I like to say and get you to say during sex?
Questions for you:
1. What gets you in the mood for sex?
2. What form of foreplay do you like?
3. Is there any form of foreplay you want to try that we haven't tried yet?
4. What do you like about my blow-job technique?
5. What else would you like me to do when giving you head?
6. Do you want me to start playing with your anus when I'm sucking you off?
7. How do you like me to dress for sex?
8. Where do you like to be kissed?
9. How do you like to be touched?
10. What position do you love fucking me in?
11. Which position do you feel sexiest in?
12. Which position do you dislike the most?
13. What lube do you most love using and where do you want to put it?
14. Does the thought of anal sex turn you on?
15. What dirty words would you most love to say and get me to say during sex?
Toy Joy claims that its Tower of Power Max Vibrator is the world's most powerful vibrator and, having had a play with it in the office, we're not inclined to argue. It takes 3 C batteries and packs a mightier punch than a short-sighted student in a vodka factory.
Give us your opinion in the Lovehoney Sexy Music Survey and you could win one of three iPod Nanos!
Nobody's too sexy for our survey, right Fred?!
Sex and relationships expert Dr Victoria Lukats has some advice for a wife whose husband is asking for anal sex but her sex drive is out of step with his.
"Why does having a lower sex drive than your husband make you frigid?" she writes in Metro. "It's not really your problem alone - it's an issue that affects you both as a couple…"
Talk over your issues helps enormously, and a better sex book can be a great ice-breaker.