More good news from the Venus Berlin Sex Show for the world's lazy onanists, this time from Japan. And no, we don't mean the pretty Japanese girl in the bunny outfit, rather the SOM Series of electrical masturbators that she's representing.
Much more clinical in appearance than many fucking machines - a polite way of saying they don't look like they've been made in a shed - the SOM Series is a range of masturbators, two for men and one for women.
While I was working on the last series on introducing sex toys to your partner, costumes kept coming up into the discussion around these parts. The two are quite related, really - one may rely more on fantasy than on batteries, but both require an open mind, a sexy attitude, and an interest in pleasing your partner (and yourself, of course - we're none of us Mother Theresa here).
So what do you know about costumes? Do you know the different kinds that are out there? How about how to use them without laughing out loud and spoiling all the fun? Can you imagine the right scenarios to go with the costumes?
And from all of these questions come the next series. Over the next three Fridays (they'll be posted early in the morning, regardless of when you finally get to them, sleepy-head), I'll be talking about the various ins and outs (literally and figuratively, naturally) of costumes and how to best incorporate them into your bedroom (or out room) play. I'll try to touch on the major topics, but as always, if there is anything you are wondering that I don't bring up, do feel free to give a shout. We're all of us friendly here…
Here's a question for you: how lazy does a man have to be not to wank himself off? Pretty lazy and pretty wealthy, if the prices of the male masturbation machines on display at Venus are anything to go by.
Once upon a time, a bloke would lie on his left arm for half an hour before bashing the bishop and that was enough to make it feel like someone else was doing it. Now, though, some of the finest (or perviest) minds in engineering are trying to perfect the perfect wank for the laziest men alive.
A behind-the-scenes glimpse into the trade hall at the Venus Sex Show in Berlin. Penis bean bags, porn DVD vending machines, and a guy with a hands-free masturbator await. Oh, and not to mention the crazy fucking machine at the end…
At first glance they look like birthing balls - the giant extra-strong beach balls that are used for exercise by pregnant women and (probably) people who don't pronounce "pilates" to rhyme with "pirates".
But take a second look, there's most evidently something amiss. Or in addition. The brains behind the Sexcerciseball have taken the common or garden (and inoffensive) birthing ball and turned it into something all the more exciting - and they're claiming a world first in the process.
"Proceed with caution" is the mantra of the day when it comes to a visit to Venus, Europe's (if not the West's) biggest sex show. The vast majority of exhibitors are here to show off off their XXX-rated pornographic wares, so you're rarely more than 6 feet away from a 40-inch plasma screen showing, well, 40 inches of rutting, sucking and fu… You can guess the rest.
So, with caution in mind, our first despatch from the show floor is relatively tame, focusing on a couple or three products that wouldn't look out of place in your living room - that is, if your living room happens to be in a brothel…