Every week, we here at Lovehoney get a deluge of sample products that leave a lot to be desired.
Occasionally we get an erotic book sample that is so astoundingly strange that we don't even want to give it away in our free sex toys giveaways!
Here are the top ten porn books that we don't stock but definitely made us look twice.
After the success of the last year's competition, Lovehoney is proud to announce the second Lovehoney Vulgari Award for Erotic Fiction Competition!
We want all you budding erotic writers out there to get creative and start writing a saucy story! However, there is a twist - your story must involve at least one of the sex toys available from Lovehoney!
Whether it involves blindfolds and ball gags or Fleshlights and finger vibes, it's entirely up to you! Just pick your weapon of choice and get writing!
And with two competitions to choose from, there really is something for everyone!
As well as striving to satisfy the nation's lust for sex toys on Lovehoney, we run a hen party Web site called Hen Night HQ. We sell a massive range of boppers, boas, outfits and accessories for girls to wear on their hen nights on the Web and through the Hen Night HQ eBay store.
Police women uniforms are hugely popular, along with all the relevant accessories like handcuffs and, of course, the Squeaking Policeman's Truncheon.
Except that eBay has just taken exception to this most innocent of squeaky accessories, banning our listing of the product because it "because it breaches our Firearms, Weapons, and Knives policy."
eBay goes on to say: "Since buying and selling weapons is highly regulated in the UK and Ireland, and may harm eBay and its members, you're not allowed to list weapons on eBay."
Oh well, they've only got a few dozen more to take down…
Hey there! We've known each other for some time now (er, haven't we?) and it occurred to us that we don't know the first thing about you!
So we'd be super-delighted if you'd take a few moments to fill in our survey - it's dead easy, dead quick and you might win £100 of sex toys into the bargain.
That's right, these wicked and wonderful Lovehoney goodies could be yours!
Best Ever Lovehoney Bundle
Lovehoney Jessica Rabbit 2.0
Lovehoney 10 Function Remote Control Dream Egg 2.0 Vibrator
Lovehoney Erotic Rocket
The closing date is Friday 8 May for no particular reason other than it's about a month away.
This survey is now closed - thanks for taking part. Congratulations to our random winner, Kate H from Swindon.
A revolutionary product - the Mango Juicer - aims to provide women with out-of-this-world orgasms and add an ethical edge to your sex toy collection. We caught up with the creator of this brilliant kitchen utensil/double-ended dildo to find out more.
Samantha Backman is a woman of many talents. Comedian, homo-toxicologist, businesswoman, entrepreneur, TV host and most recently - sex toy designer.
After finding out about female genital mutilation and female circumcision through the Oprah show 15 years ago, Samantha has since set out to make stopping this horrific act her life long goal.
She is also lovingly known as 'The Vagina Doctor' for the help and advice she gives to those in third world countries who may have had no education in regards to vaginal health and infections.
Samantha's work is not only educational and helpful but she laces everything with her own unique style of humour which puts people at ease and makes talking about vaginas and menstruation seem perfectly normal!
We got a chance to chat to Samantha and find out more about the Mango Juicer and her life so far…
Watching your waistline and don't want to gorge on chocolate this Easter? Bored of fluffy chicks and cuddly bunnies? Lovehoney has sexy and seductive alternatives that is sure to brighten up your bank holiday…
Lovehoney LoveBunny Vibrating Bullet Rabbit
The first Facebook sex toy, the LoveBunny, is a great present at any time of year but replacing the Easter Bunny with this little vibrating version is a guaranteed winner in the bedroom.
Available in 3 colours and totally discreet!
Vibrating Rock Chick
Fluffy plastic chicks are so last year, darling! Treat yourself or your partner to the luxury G-spot teasing Rock Chick and this Easter is sure to be unforgettable…
TENGA Egg Clicker
Whilst chocolate eggs are delicious, this sexy alternative is sure to be more appreciated! Crack open the revolutionary TENGA Egg masturbator and experience the better-than-real sensations as it stretches over your penis and stimulates your entire shaft with soft, sensual little nodules.
Chocolate Body Paint Tube
If you really can't last through the bank holiday without something sweet, pick up a tube of our chocolate body paint and indulge in a little food fun! Chocolate Buttons can't even compete…
Lovehoney 7 Function Magic Rabbit 2.0 Bullet Vibrator
This utterly magical little sex toy is an essential for getting rid of bank holiday boredom! The powerful bullet with 7 speeds and functions of vibration tingles through the soft rubber rabbit for the most intense clitoral play ever!
Sportsheets Pleasure Feathers
Use the long weekend to indulge in a little sexual spring cleaning! Run the smooth feathers over each other's skin and enjoy new heights of sensitivity. Good for dusting shelves and ornaments afterwards too!
Fun Factory Smart Ball Love Eggs
If you're looking for an Easter egg that won't add inches to your thighs, invest in these fantastic love eggs from Fun Factory! The smooth eggs not only produce incredible internal sensations but they also tone your pelvic floor muscles too - a great way to get in shape, inside and out!
Flirt Vanilla Bondage Kit
If you're going away this bank holiday, don't forget to take a little something to make your trip even more exciting! This cleverly disguised bondage kit comes in an ice cream style tub with a sensually soft cream blindfold and matching satin ties - discreet restraint fun in a travel bag sized packaging!
Dreamgirl Red Diamond Bunny Baby Doll
Put a sexy spin on the classic Easter Bunny costume with this racy little number! The baby doll is made of soft mesh material with peek-a-boo cups and comes with a matching thong with fluffy bunny tail and flexible rabbit ears! Available in plus size too!
I Rub My Duckie Gold Label Travel Size
Take this cute little chick in the bath and get yourself squeaky clean in time for Spring! The smooth shape, powerful vibrations and waterproof seal guarantee a good time.
And with Lovehoney's ultra fast Delivery Services, you can have your Easter gift delivered in time for the busy bank holiday!
Different from the usual short story collections, April's Book of the Month had to be Black Lace's Seduction. Packed with 13 naughty stories, once you get started - you won't be able to put it down! And with a free Lovehoney Goldfinger Mini Vibrator worth £9.99, who can resist?