You may think that working for the UK's biggest and best online sex toy retailer is a laugh a minute but it's actually a very serious job fraught with danger.
From getting lube in your eye to getting trapped under an avalanche of cock, if you're not on your guard all these things can catch you out and lead to serious injury or in some extreme cases a trip to the first aid box.
Today, there was such an incident. An incident so traumatic and horrifying, that it hurts to speak of it even now.
Late in the afternoon, as part of my 'measure all the orifices in the building' project, I had to retrieve the Adam and Eve Carmen Luvana Doggy Style CyberSkin Pussy and Ass from one of the top shelves in the warehouse.
Weighing in at over 4 kilos, Carmen Luvana's arse is exceptionally heavy and instantly slipped from my hands when I went to pick it up. Being a total hero; I went to grab it before it hit the ground and mortally wounded myself in the process.
Carmen Luvana's arse sheared a layer of skin off my thumb and required emergency plaster-based surgery.
As you can see from the photos, it was pretty bad.
This is the kind of danger we here at Lovehoney face every day! Tomorrow a Clone-A-Willy might spontaneously combust, but these are the risks we take to bring you the best sex toys in all the land.
This week Lovehoney's very own head buyer, Bonny Hall, was featured in the Daily Mirror discussing what it's like to work for the UK's best online sex toy retailer and what sex tips she's picked up along the way.
Talking about her humble beginnings at Lovehoney, Bonny said:
"The first time I walked into the Lovehoney warehouse about five years ago I couldn't believe my eyes - I'd never even seen a vibrator let alone some of the other stuff that filled its shelves. I was so embarrassed.
Neal and his partner Richard Longhurst had been in business for a year at that stage and I was their first employee.
Everything was a real mess. The warehouse wasn't alphabetically organised, it was arranged by which orifice a toy was designed for!"
Several years later and not only has the warehouse increased to an unbelievably large size and been re-organised by the popularity of the products, but Bonny has also become the go-to-girl for any and all information about sex and sex toys.
Bonny buys lots of weird and wonderful products from all over the world and makes sure they're ready to go within minutes of them arriving in the building, ensuring you get the right sex toy for you.
Here are just a few of Bonny's brilliant sex tips that she's picked up since working for Lovehoney:
Bullet vibrators are small, discreet and unobtrusive making them a brilliant addition to foreplay or sex and best of all - they won't intimidate your partner, like some of our bigger products do!
If you want to learn to talk dirty, buy an erotic book. Not only will the saucy stories give you some very hot inspiration but reading scenes out to your partner is sure to be the start of a great night in.
Being adventurous in bed can be difficult, especially if you don't know where to start. Buying a naughty game like Monogamy is not only a lot of fun but it will introduce you and your partner to a whole new world of sexy ideas!
Bonny Hall is immortal and has been working as the head buyer at Lovehoney for over five years. She is also a stealthy ninja and only eats food that has been named after mythical beings, so mainly fairy cakes and Angel Delight.
Over the course of May, our intrepid sex toy testers have been trying out different sex related products to see if they aid them in becoming sexy for summer. Now it's time to see if these bizarre cookies from Japan can give you the bikini-perfect bust you really want…
F Cup Cookies have been making quite a name for themselves in the media. From Radio 1 to the Sunday Mail, everyone has been conducting their own experiments to see if these sweet samples of Japanese confectionary really work.
Their claim is that by eating 1 - 2 cookies a day you can increase your breast size up to a Japanese F cup which is approximately a UK size DD.
Each cookie is just 70 calories and contains a herbal breast enhancer called Pueraria Mirifica which has a high concentration of phytoestrogens. These work much in the same way as hormonal estrogen by maximizing blood flow and encouraging growth and maintenance of breast tissue.
The effect is supposed to be permanent and leave you with a bust to be proud of in a relatively short space of time.
Lovehoney already sell breast enhancing products but the results of the F Cup Cookie test is sure to influence if the product will be stocked in future.
And what better person to try them out than myself! After all, I could always do with a little boost in the nork department…
For those that are new to the blog, my name is Carly and I have always wanted bigger breasts. However, that's not to say that I'm disappointed with my current cleavage - in fact, I'm quite happy with my shapely 34B's - but I've always fancied going bigger.
The reason for this is simple: I like boobs. And if I can have more boobs in a painless and easy way - why wouldn't I?
Cars and sex go together like strawberries and cream, but sex in cars? That's trickier, mainly because the sexier the car, the less sex it allows inside.
We asked top car journalist Nick Gibb for his choice of 10 cars that go out of their way to make impromptu sex easier, kinkier or more private (and we're assuming here you're after privacy), so before you go out and buy a new motor, read this list…
Talking dirty during sex can be a fantastic turn-on, and communicating with your partner about what specifically arouses you will bring you both closer.
Been through a terrible relationship and want to tell the world? Well the wickedly funny Sorry Mom website is dedicated to this very cause!
Like a modern version of the Dear John letter, the website offers a place to anonymously vent about bad boyfriends, rubbish relationships and sexual misadventures.
It's also a good way to check that the guy you've just started dating hasn't been rated a Grade A douchebag by his ex's.
Working as a weird kind of therapy, the I Bang The Worst Dudes site asks that you add a short description of the dude in question, submit a photograph of him and agree to their terms and conditions. To maintain anonymity, the Sorry Mom staff will add a black bar over his eyes and never reveal your name or e-mail address.
Think of it as taking the cocoon of anger, jealousy and irritation from inside you and unleashing it on the internet as a beautiful butterfly of revenge!
The Lovehoney Community are a bitter and twisted lot (but oh so sexy!) and decided to vent their own frustrations, Dear John style, in their very own thread.
When you think of sex toys, you don't necessarily think of the designer who made them according to our Lovehoney poll. After all, are you really going to notice that little label on your diddling stick once it's working its magic down below?
National Condom Week (18th - 24th May) has started and now is the time to refresh our knowledge of this clever contraception, restock our bedside drawers and help Durex, the world's leading condom manufacturer, to find out more about British sex lives.
Whether you're in the student union bar, out clubbing, having a frappucino with your friends or gossiping at the post office (maybe not so much this last one) you're bound to hear plenty about National Condom Week.
Not only is it a great excuse to refresh your supplies with some new condoms in a range of sizes, tastes and textures but it's also a good way of helping Durex, the biggest name in safer sex, find out more about the UK's sexual habits.
By taking part in The British Sex Survey you'll be helping Durex educate more people in more precise and personal ways about safer sex - never a bad thing!
The survey is completely anonymous and it gives you a chance to be entered into a prize draw to win one of several Durex goodie bags!
If you can't wait to get your hands on some Durex goodies, then check out Lovehoney's brilliant Durex condom deals which will last for the entirity of National Condom Week.
Buy any 3 of your favourite Durex condom packs and you'll receive the cheapest one absolutely free!
If your firm favourite is the Fetherlite, then stock up now or if you fancy trying something different, grab a Durex Condoms and Lube Pleasure Pack which contains 3 kinds of condom and 3 sachets of warming lubricant too!