How to Masturbate
The Ultimate Guide to Going Solo

New to solo play – or simply looking for ways to switch things up? We’ve packed this guide with ideas on how to masturbate, toys to try, and top erogenous zones to tease. You’ll get all sorts of tips from Lovehoney sexperts like Jess Wilde and Annabelle Knight. Plus, you’ll find out how masturbation could improve your relationship with your partner (and even with yourself).

So next time you fancy a spot of sexy self-care, you’ll have everything you need to get yourself there.

Only got time for a quickie?

Want to get the most out of masturbation but don’t have time to read the full guide? Here’s a quick rundown of the key tips for better solo play:

• Masturbation is self-care. It helps reduce stress, improve sleep, boost mood, and can even enhance your partnered sex life.
• Set the mood for pleasure. Relax, take your time, and create an environment that makes you feel comfortable and aroused.
• Explore different techniques. For example, try stroking the shaft of your penis and switching up the speed or grip style as you go. You can do it lying down, seated or standing up depending on what works best for your body.
• Experiment with sex toys. Bullets, dildos, and butt plugs can take your pleasure to new levels—just don’t forget the lube!
• Stimulate multiple erogenous zones. Play with your nipples, perineum, or anus to build even more intense orgasms.
• There’s no right or wrong way. Masturbation is personal, so take your time, have fun exploring, and don’t put pressure on yourself to climax every time.

Did you know that masturbation comes with a whole range of feel-good benefits that last long after the big O? Check out these benefits of masturbation:

It can give you so much more than an orgasm

Masturbation is natural, healthy way to explore your body and desires, making it easier to ask for what you want when you have sex with someone else. Plus, it's fun! A study from the National Library of Medicine found that “masturbation can help people to explore their sexuality, experience pleasure and learn about their bodily responses in ways that may support healthy sexual development, self-esteem, and body positivity”. What’s not to love?

It can help you relax

Jerking off can boost sleep quality, reduce stress, improve your mood, relieve menstrual cramps and alleviate pain, according to Medical News Today. “It’s great to do right before bed, in the bath, or during other relaxing nighttime rituals,” says Kelley Kitely, L.C.S.W., a women’s mental health expert. “It naturally puts people in a meditative state.” As Kelley points out, concentrating on reaching orgasm can help to “shift the focus” away from racing thoughts.

It’ll boost your sex life, whether you’re playing solo or with a partner

A U.S. study compared two groups of married women aged 18 and 30. The women in the first group had climaxed through masturbation before, and those in the second group hadn’t. The results were striking: the study found that the women in the first group had significantly more orgasms, greater sexual desire and greater marital and sexual satisfaction than those in the second group — as well as needing less time to get aroused. We’ll take a wild guess that these amazing benefits are up for grabs even if you don’t fit into the study’s demographic. Either way, you’ll have fun finding out!

Masturbation myths

Despite all the benefits of masturbation, there are a few myths that stop people enjoying themselves to the max. Let’s banish those myths right here:

• Masturbation causes blindness and hairy palms. There’s no science at all to support this. It’s as simple as that. Case closed — next!
• It’s addictive. It might be a lot of fun, but there’s nothing about jerking off that can get you hooked. As long as it’s not interrupting your day-to-day life in a way that bothers you or causes you pain, you can safely masturbate as often as you like.
• It’s something to feel guilty about.
• Some people feel conflicted about masturbation because of their religious or cultural beliefs. But jerking off isn’t immoral or wrong, and self-pleasure isn’t something you need to feel ashamed of. If you’re wondering how to shake any guilt you’re feeling around solo sexual arousal, talking to a sex therapist could be helpful.
• People only masturbate when there are problems in their relationship. Some couples worry that there must be something wrong if one of them is masturbating. In fact, according to Medical News Today, most men and women continue to masturbate — either alone or together — when they’re in a relationship. Many couples find that masturbation becomes an enjoyable part of their sex lives. Get your rocks off together: Try mutual masturbation positions for couples.

Masturbation is all about getting to know your own body and discovering what feels great for you. There’s no right or wrong way; if you’re into external stimulation, you could add a little heat to your daily routine by masturbating in the shower or humping your pillow. If mimicking penetration’s more your thing, dildos or butt plugs can help to reach those internal hot spots. It’s different for everyone, so experimenting is key.

Follow these steps for better self-pleasure:

1. Set the mood

Worrying about what’s next on your to-do list isn’t likely to help, so set aside some relaxed time to enjoy your solo session — perhaps before bed, or as part of a self-care evening. Some people enjoy lighting candles and running themselves a bath, and others love reading a little erotic fiction. Whatever you choose, the idea is to set the scene for self-love and self-seduction.

2. Try different techniques

• First things first: always start with lube. “Wetter is better,” says sexpert and Lovehoney vlogger Jess Wilde. “Lube helps everything glide and reduces friction”. This is particularly important if you’ll be inserting fingers or toys. Water-based lube is a good all-rounder for masturbating with, because it’s compatible with all sex toys. Check out our Beginner’s Guide to Lube for more handy tips.

• If you have a vulva, try using your fingers to massage the clitoris. If you’re not sure how to find your clit, it’s roughly the size of a pea and sits under a little ‘hood’ just above the vulva and the urethra, tucked inside your inner labia (they’re the lips around your vulva). When you’re feeling aroused, your labia will swell and become extra-sensitive too — so experiment with rubbing this area as well to see what feels good to you.

• If you have a penis, start by stroking or rubbing the shaft of your penis. Try different speeds and grip styles; some people use a few fingers, and others wrap a fist around their shaft.

• Remember, you’ve got both hands to play with — so while one is massaging your penis or clit, you could insert a few fingers into your anus or vagina to mimic penetration. If you have balls or breasts, try teasing yourself by gently caressing them.

• No climax yet? It could be that you’re in the wrong position. Try stimulating yourself while squatting or kneeling or for different sensations.

3. Play with sex toys

Does playing with your clit feel phenomenal? Jess Wilde recommends an external vibrator, like a bullet. “Not only will a toy like this increase circulation and make you extra sensitive, but it gets all the erectile tissue in your clitoris working — making it bigger, and easier to find”. Perfect! You’ll also be glad to know that you’ve got a clitoral stimulator built into your bathroom already: try spending a little alone time with your shower head!

If it’s penetration you’re after, opt for a dildo. “They’re amazing for reaching internal hot spots that are tricky to get to with your hands,” says Jess. Squatting over a dildo leaves also your hands free to tease other areas... just make sure you’re using lube, especially if you’re tempted by anal play. Sex and relationship expert Annabelle Knight recommends using a dildo with a suction-cup base. “These will stick to any smooth, clear surface — like bathroom tiles.”

If you have a penis, a stroker could quickly become a new favourite. “They’re a brilliant way to upgrade your hand job,” says Nick, former Head of Content and sexpert at Lovehoney. “They’re lined with stimulating textures; just add lots of lube before you start.” He recommends cock rings, too: “they can help to give you stronger erections, may help to prolong your fun and may also give you more intense orgasms”. Once you have a hard-on, just slide a cock ring down to the base of your penis or behind your balls to restrict blood flow, and you’re ready to go. And go, and go…

Ready to up your O-game? Explore our sex toys

4. Explore all your erogenous zones

Hitting multiple hot spots at once can lead to breathtaking orgasms. Handily, there are nerve endings in various parts of your body that — when stimulated with fingers or a bullet vibe — can ramp up your sexual pleasure.

“Playing with your nipples is one of the quickest ways to get your brain producing oxytocin, and oxytocin is vital for climax,” says Jess. If you’re looking for a toy to maintain stimulation, nipple clamps could be for you. “Not only do they help with oxytocin production during wear, but once you remove nipple clamps you’ll get a rush of blood to the area, which leaves you with a long-lasting, throbbing pleasure.”

Don’t forget the testicles: Nick recommends ball stretchers for a “gentle, pleasurable tugging sensation”. You can also try caressing the inner thighs, breasts, or feet: explore to find out what feels amazing to you.

5. Build stronger orgasms with edging

Who says you need a partner to build sexual tension? “If you haven’t heard of edging, it’s a technique used to build tension and increase your levels of pleasure by denying yourself an orgasm,” says Annabelle. “Just before you get to the point of no return, stop. Let all sexual feelings subside, then go again. If you do that a few times, when you finally let yourself go, your climax will be far more intense.”

6. Experiment with anal stimulation

Anal masturbation can add extra thrills to your self-love session, since there are plenty of nerve endings in your anus that can feel incredible to stimulate. If you haven’t experimented with anal play before, solo masturbation is a good time to try it out at your own pace.

Start by massaging your rectum and perineum. See how this gentle technique feels before you move on to inserting a finger or sex toy (and always use anal lube if you do consider putting anything inside you). You might enjoy playing with a butt plug before you try penetration with a dildo – or even anal sex with a partner.

“Not only does wearing a butt plug offer a secondary stimulation, which can enhance pleasure and speed up orgasms, but during vaginal penetration it can make you feel fuller, says Jess. Some people love that “full up” feeling – which could be because it stimulates the vaginal wall from both sides.

It’s a brilliant option for men too, as Nick explains: “As you approach orgasm, the muscles in the anus will start to contract anyway. With a butt plug in, those contractions will feel stronger, harder and more intense, leading to better orgasms all round.” Your prostate, or P-spot, is found in the anus too; it’s essentially the male version of the famed G-spot.

7. Keep yourself safe

Wash your hands before and after touching yourself in intimate places. Use as much lube as you need to feel comfortable when you play. If you feel pain at any point, take this as a warning to slow down or stop for a while to make sure you don’t hurt yourself. And if you’re inserting a toy, always check it’s got a flared base first.

8. Try again tomorrow

If you’re new to masturbation, it might take a while to find what works for you. This is normal, so try not to put pressure on yourself to reach orgasm or ejaculate in every session. Time spent exploring your body and finding out what feels good to you is time well spent, whether it ends in climax or not.

Bringing mutual masturbation into play sessions with your partner can be a fun way to boost intimacy and bond over trying something new. Plus, jerking off together is a great opportunity to show each other exactly what gets you off.

It can help to spice up long-distance relationships, too. Why not send a sex toy to your partner and arrange a (hands-free!) phone call for some dirty talk while they try it out? For example, you could try the We-Vibe Nova vibrator, a sleek rabbit vibrator that can be controlled by an app – perfect for long-distance play.