How to Masturbate for Women

In this guide: What to use | Erogenous zones | Techniques to try | Why it feels good | Pleasure tips

When you’ve never really touched yourself – or you’ve given it a go but have no idea how it’s meant to feel – masturbating might feel a little strange and scary.

Well, shrug off any shame you might be feeling, because this is a totally normal part of life. In fact, exploring your pleasure and learning how to masturbate as a woman (or anyone with vulva) can have heaps of benefits. Think: more sexual confidence and better understanding of your own body to name but few!

Here, you’ll find useful advice about masturbation, including techniques to try using your hands or sex toys. You’ll get to know your vulva, why masturbating feels so good, and discover expert tips for getting in the mood (and getting off).

All you have to do is give it a try… And maybe have a clear diary tomorrow. Jokes, kinda.

Only got time for a quickie?

If you've got time, read the full article to discover all our best masturbation tips for women. Otherwise, here's what you need to know in a nutshell:

• The clitoris is a key pleasure zone. It’s also a complex structure that you can stimulate externally via the clitoral glans, or internally via the vagina and G-spot.
• You can use fingers, sex toys, or even a pillow to masturbate. How you touch yourself is up to you. Take your time to explore different techniques and sensations.
• Your headspace matters as much as your hands. Dim the lights, enjoy a bit of romantasy or audio erotica, and try to relax as you get in the mood for solo play. Caressing or massaging erogenous zones like inner thighs, nipples, or chest can help, too!
• Try sliding your fingers in a “V” shape either side of the clit. You can also use lubed-up fingers in a “come here” motion inside the vagina to tease your G-spot.
• Lube is always a winner. Even if you feel wet, you might need extra lubrication for a satisfying session. Lube reduces friction and can feel sensually slick while you play.
• Masturbation can be genuinely good for you. Orgasm triggers dopamine, oxytocin, and endorphins that can lift your mood, reduce stress, and may even help you sleep better.

If you’ve got a vulva, you’re in for a treat.* There’s a huge variety of ways to indulge in solo play:

• Fingers: Using your fingers, play with your vulva or clitoris, or slide a well-lubed finger (or fingers) inside your vagina. Learn more about why you need lube.
• Vibrators: Try a vibrating sex toy inside your vagina for internal pleasure. Some vibrators are tapered (curved) to put pressure on the G-spot (located a few inches inside your vagina). Vibrators can also be used on other parts of the body, like your clit or nipples.
• Clitoral suction toys: These toys have a small opening to pop over your external clitoris (we explain what this means later), which pulses air specifically on the clit. It’s a different sensation from a vibrating toy, a bit closer to the sensation of oral sex.
• Dildos: Dildos allow for deeper internal penetration in your vagina, but you can also use them to rub your clit, labia and perineum. Use water-based lube to minimise friction and maximise pleasure.
• Pillows: Hump and grind to your heart’s content... so long as no one else needs to use that one later.

*No matter your gender identity, you’re welcome here. But, if you’re looking for tips that are a bit less gendered, check out this guide: How to Masturbate

When you’re not sure exactly what you like down there, try starting elsewhere instead! Erogenous zones are places on your body that feel nice to touch, so let’s find yours.

Start by caressing your neck, massaging your breasts and nipples, or stroking your perineum (the bit between your vagina and bumhole). You might like tickling your inner thighs or running your fingers through your hair.

Don’t feel embarrassed; this is all in the pursuit of pleasure. Experiment with different types of touch, like rubbing, pulling, squeezing or pinching to find out what feels good.

By touching yourself all over, you’re slowly building arousal and getting relaxed – signaling to your body that you’re ready for sex. All this preamble can help your climax feel more intense (if it happens, no pressure) while also helping you figure out how you like to be touched. That’s useful for the next time you have sex with someone else.

The Holy Trinity: the vulva, the vagina and the clitoris

A quick biology lesson: the vulva and vagina are different things. The word vulva refers to the labia (a.k.a lips), clitoris, urethral opening (where you pee from) and vaginal opening (where insertable toys or penises might go). The vagina is the internal canal between the vulva and the uterus. It’s also home to the G-spot.

Put simply, your vulva is what’s outside, while your vagina is what’s inside. Now, what about the clitoris?

In her book Come As You Are, sex educator Dr Emily Nagoski writes, “Less than a third of women are reliably orgasmic with vaginal penetration alone”. So, you’ll need to find your clitoris if you want to explore all possibilities of pleasure.

Many people think the clitoris is just a little nub near the top of the vulva, where the labia meet. In reality, this “little nub” (known as the “glans”) is the tip of a larger clitoral structure, made up of internal erectile tissue.

Amazingly, it’s believed that the clitoris exists purely for sexual pleasure because science hasn’t yet determined another purpose for it. It’s the only human organ that has no other known purpose but pleasure. Boasting around many thousands of nerve endings, the glans clitoris can be very responsive to touch – and vibrations.

To find it, get a small mirror, spread your legs, and look for a pea-sized nub where your inner labia meet. The folds of skin at this point are called the clitoral hood, which can vary in size. Your clit might covered fully, partially (or not at all) by your clitoral hood. Gently stroke the hood back to reveal your clit if so. No matter how visible your clitoris is, it’s normal.

The rest of your clitoris is hidden away inside the vaginal walls – some believe that’s why internal massage of the front vaginal wall feels so good.

Keen to embark on a vulva voyage or bored with your tried-and-tested methods? Here, you’ll find out how to masturbate for women, using various different vulva-loving techniques.

Bear in mind, every body is different. You might find you like to be pleasured in totally different ways – we're just here to give you ideas!

Apply lube

When you’re aroused, your vagina self-lubricates (“gets wet”). This makes inserting fingers and toys easier and masturbating more pleasurable – it's also why we recommend foreplay even when you’re by yourself.

That said, you might feel aroused but not get wet (or not wet enough). That's called non-concordance, and it can be totally normal. It's also not uncommon for your natural wetness to dry out.

A good quality, body-safe lube that has been formulated for sex can increase your pleasure and make using sex toys much more fun. It reduces friction without diminishing sensation, so give it a try next time.

Use your fingers

Find whichever movements feel more pleasurable and bear in mind that you can use the skin of your clitoral hood (or even your underwear) as a barrier if you find directly contact too intense. Experiment by varying your speed and pressure and trying clockwise and anti-clockwise movements.

If you feel like it, slide one or two lubricated fingers inside your vagina. Move your fingers in and out to pleasure all those lovely nerve endings – this is known as “fingering”.

Can’t decide whether clitoral or vaginal stimulation feels best? Use both hands simultaneously! Your dominant hand can stimulate your clit and your other hand can stimulate your G-spot. Your G-spot is the fleshy area just inside the entrance of your vagina, towards your belly button.

Hump and grind

Use the palm of your hand to stimulate your whole vulva. Lay on your back and rub your hand (palm-side down) against your vulva, teasing your clitoris as you go. See which parts of your vulva respond to firmer and lighter pressures.

Or lay face down with your hand between your legs and rock your hips back and forth, side to side and round in circles against your hand. Vary the pace and direction to find out what feels good.

Try toys

It’s absolutely fine if you only want to use your fingers and hands to masturbate. Sex toys are simply a way to explore different sensations and mix up your masturbation routine. They also happen to be banging at providing dual stimulation and heaps of pleasure.

There are countless sex toys you could use to masturbate, including dildos, vibrators and clitoral suction toys. (Read our beginner’s guide to sex toys to become better acquainted with this box of delights.)

With a vibrator, you can tease your erogenous zones at various speeds. Ranging from a teasing tickle to deep, rumbly vibrations, vibrators come in all shapes and intensity levels. Choose between toys that target your external hot spots (like bullets or magic wand vibrators), or slide inside your vagina (such as G-spot vibrators), or both (like rabbit vibrators).

Then there’s clitoral suction toys, which use tiny but powerful pulses of air to stimulate the clit without direct contact. It feels a bit like sucking but... way better. You might have heard of the viral rose toy, which looks cute and innocent but has left many people weak at the knees and shaking with pleasure!

Lastly, some people use the shower head to get them off. Test the temperature and pressure on your hand first, then try spraying your clit (or nipples, or perineum) with the shower head. Just be careful you’re not driving water inside your vagina or anus, as this could introduce bacteria or upset the pH balance.

Learn how to use your new favourite toy with our handy guides:

• How to Use a Bullet Vibrator
• How to Use a Wand Vibrator
• How to Use a Rabbit Vibrator

If clitoral stimulation’s your thing (like it is for most people with vulvas), get into a position that gives you easy access to your clit. Or try a position that allows you to grind your vulva against something.

Here are some other masturbation positions you could try:

• Standing up or leaning against the wall or furniture (if you’re able to)
• Straddling a pillow
• Squatting (a workout on the thighs but allows easier access to your G-spot)
• Sitting in a chair
• Getting on all fours, doggy-style
• Standing in the shower, paying attention to the feeling of water running over your vulva

Consider anal play

Pleasure doesn’t have to be reserved for vulva play. There are plenty of other parts of your body, like the anus, that have lots of nerve-endings and like to be touched. Anal masturbation can feel amazing if you go slowly and use lots of lube.

Any finger or toy that’s going into your butt should be cleaned before and after and slathered in an anal lube. (Lube is even more essential for anal play because your butt doesn’t self-lubricate.)

Use your finger or an anal sex toy like a butt plug or anal beads. Insert them slowly and only go deeper if it feels good. Move the toys in and out or in circular motions to find a rhythm that makes your toes curl.

If anal play feels good, combine this with clitoral or vaginal stimulation. In fact, try combining different techniques and speeds using your fingers or sex toys. For example, use a dildo or vibrator inside your vagina while touching your clit. Or, use a clitoral suction toy while you finger your vagina or slide in some anal beads.

Just be sure you never insert fingers or toys into your vagina that have just been inside your anus, as this is a fast track to a urinary tract infection (UTI).

A good self-touch sesh feels pleasurable because it’s supposed to! Your genitals have loads of nerve-endings, making the whole area quite erogenous. There are also physical and mental benefits to masturbation, so if you’re looking for the green light, consider it lit.

During arousal and orgasm, your body releases a cocktail of hormones, including dopamine, oxytocin and serotonin. Coupled with the rush of endorphins, solo sessions leave us feeling happy and relaxed. Many people also say they fall asleep faster after orgasm, too!

Want another way to combat menstrual cramps on top of painkillers and hot water bottles? Masturbation and orgasms can reduce discomfort during periods. Our Forum users also tell us that an orgasm almost always kills a headache, if you have sex or masturbate as it's coming on.

There are also longer-term benefits as prolactin (released during sexual arousal) protects your brain from stress-related damage. Plus, people report a more satisfying sex life with partners, thanks to the increased awareness of what parts of their body elicit pleasure.

If you’ve tried masturbating but don’t enjoy it or can’t reach orgasm, don’t feel ashamed. Keep exploring your body and what feels good to you. Here are some more tips for your sexual pleasure:

• Turn down the lights to help let go of your inhibitions.
• Use lube (seriously, try it).
• Take a long bath or shower and masturbate with a waterproof sex toy.
• Do it in front of a mirror. Wear your favourite lingerie and admire how hot you are while you touch yourself.
• Play some sexy music. Don’t know where to start? Find out what song is played during your favourite sex scene.
• Let your mind wander and fantasise about whatever turns you on.
• Read or listen to erotic stories if you need ideas for your fantasies!
• Watch porn (look for ethical porn if mainstream porn doesn’t do it for you).