Better Sex as You Age: Sex and intimacy for Older People

by Violet

on 5 Jul 2022

Getting older doesn’t mean you have to give up on sex – far from it. While ageing may throw up a few new challenges here and there, having a healthy, fulfilling sex life is totally obtainable, no matter how old you are.

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In this blog we look at a few of the ways you can future-proof your sex life, enhance sensations and really bond with your lover.

Should I Use Sex Toys?

As we age, our libidos have the tendency to reduce or disappear completely. While there is nothing inherently wrong with this, being sexual with your partner is a wonderful expression of intimacy which can really strengthen your bond. Sex toys are a great way to bring excitement back into your sex life.

Not only can sex toys add a touch of newness to your usual routine, but the intense levels of stimulation are perfect for declining libidos. Because, let's face it, while a cheeky whisper in the ear may have been enough to get you going in the past, these days you may need a little more stimulation.

Wand Vibrators

If you’re new to sex toys, we recommend starting with something like our Mini Wand Vibrator. This little guy is non-intimidating and designed to stimulate all your external hot spots with skin-tingling vibrations. Try gently holding it against your lover’s clitoris or perineum to get the party started.

Dilators

Sex can be uncomfortable for post-menopausal vulva owners. One of the reasons for this is vaginal canal narrowing, which is caused by a lack of oestrogen. To help combat this we suggest investing in a dilator set. These smooth silicone dilators help to train your vulva to become accustomed to penetration, which should reduce tightness and pain over time.

Cock Rings

Another sex toy you may want to investigate is a cock ring. Usually made from soft, squishy plastic, these clever little rings are designed to sit at the base of the penis, causing gentle constriction and preventing the backflow of blood. While that may sound a little scary, they are perfectly safe. Cock rings are known to help improve erection strength, size and stamina – perfect for anyone who struggles to maintain an erection.

Why Lube is Essential

No matter if you’ve just started your sexual escapades or have been round the block a few times, lube should be part of your sexual activity. And for most post-menopausal vulva owners it’s essential.

As we age, our natural lubrication production tends to slow down and as a result sex can feel less comfortable, or even painful. That’s why having a handy bottle of lube next to your bed is a must for lovers who remember rotary telephones. A bottle of water-based lube is probably your best option, as this formula washes off easily, won’t stain your sheets and can be used with a wide range of sex toys.

While lube is a fantastic tool to have in your collection, it also pays to spell things out to your partner. Whether you’ve been together for a long time, or have just started having fun together, be up front with your lover and tell them you need a little bit of extra time to warm up before penetration. You could also suggest some oral play to get things started – not only is this sure to get your motor running, but saliva is a great natural lubricant.

Mobility Aids in The Bedroom

While you may think it's just your bits that can let you down in the bedroom, other parts of our bodies can be the culprits that cause sexless nights.

Aching joints, trick knees and dodgy hips can all ruin the moment when you’re trying to make love. What's more, feeling like you can no longer throw your partner around like you used to can be disappointing. However, with the help of a few clever mobility aids you can make the experience far more comfortable.

Liberator is a sex furniture brand that specialises in ways to enhance your sexy fun. For instance, the Liberator Wedge is a specially designed pillow that helps you to get into a wide range of sex positions by helping to lift your hips.

Other options to boost your mobility in the bedroom include using a position enhancer, like this Bondage Boutique one. While it may look rather extreme, the thick nylon straps are a great way to help the wearer lift their legs above their hips for longer stretches of time.

Don’t Forget About Romance

All this talk of position enhancers, cock rings and lube won’t do anything for your sex life if the romance is dead. After all, arousal starts in the mind – our brains are our most powerful sex organs.

If your sex life with your long-term partner has slowed down over the years, it may be time to up the romance and add a little sensuality to your everyday lives. This could include taking the time to give each other long luxurious back rubs, taking saucy showers together, or simply flirting with each other throughout the day.

While it may feel like our ageing bodies are letting us down in the bedroom, failing to retain romance over the years could be what’s holding you both back. Instead of solely focusing on getting your lover into bed, try simply aiming to get your partner turned on and up for it instead.

Try sexting your lover while they’re out of the house, spelling out how attractive you find them and all the wonderful things you want to do to them when they get back. Not only will this make them feel desirable, but it could help to build up the sexual anticipation for when they return.

Talk to Your Doctor

When discussing sex in later life, there’s always a bit of an elephant in the room surrounding erectile dysfunction.

Erectile dysfunction is common in penis-owners over a certain age and can’t always be simply dealt with using sex toys – you may need to go visit your doctor.

Medication (such as Sildenafil) may be helpful for those who struggle to get and maintain an erection, so don’t be shy if you feel you may need to speak to your GP. Remember, sex is a wonderful, healthy expression of love and desire so you should never feel ashamed for seeking help.

Violet

Written by Violet. Lovehoney Editorial Team
Violet joined Lovehoney's writing team in 2019 as our lingerie aficionado.
Violet is also an avid sex toy collector and co-host of The Sexual Happiness Podcast

Originally published on 5 Jul 2022. Updated on 1 Jul 2022
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