Why Do People Fake Orgasms?
on 25 Nov 2017
It’s a comedic trope that we’ve all seen before – the fake orgasm.
Some argue that Meg Ryan’s infamous diner scene in “When Harry Met Sally” takes the cake, but my personal favourite has to be when Elaine comes clean about her orgasms in “Seinfeld”.
The fake orgasm is a simple gag that gets an easy laugh from a television audience. The reality is that the motivating factors for faking an orgasm are far more complex.
So what counts as a fake orgasm? Why do people do it? And how, once you've started, do you stop doing it?
Well, the answers may not be what you would expect...
What is Faking and Who Does It?
Faking an orgasm is when a person pretends to climax during sex with their partner. Their partner is typically unaware that this orgasm was not real.
But while television and movies would have you believe that it is only women that fake orgasms, studies show that men fake orgasms too.
Some figures suggest that the number of men who admit to faking it could be as high as 25%, never mind those that keep it hush-hush.
So both men and women fake orgasms, but what causes them to do so? Here are some of the most common reasons why people feel the need to fake 'The Big O'.
Storytime. From the ages of 19 to 21, I would fake my orgasms because I felt obligated to make whomever I slept with feel good about themselves.
In films, every sex scene ends with the couple simultaneously orgasming, so I was just subconsciously following Hollywood's unrealistic script. (But here's the scoop: roughly 80% of women cannot orgasm through vaginal penetration alone.)
At the time, I had never had an orgasm before and didn't know what one felt like – I just knew that I was supposed to be having them! But the problem is, because an orgasm is so hard to put into words, you don't really know you've had one until you've had one.
So I would often think I'd come, but really hadn't. Which led to some unintentional duplicity on my part.
Personal experiences aside, people who fake orgasms often feel under pressure to do so out of fear of hurting the other person's feelings. A study in Finland found that that single women who have casual sex struggle to orgasm with a partner, and that women often value their partner's orgasm more than their own.
Come on girls, I'm all for altruism, but that is surely too much!
Talking about what you want in bed can seem daunting. It can be downright nerve-wracking to be so honest with another person, especially if you aren't sure exactly what you need to orgasm, or if you're worried your kink will send them running (read How To Ask For What You Want in The Bedroom for further help).
People who fake orgasms often feel more comfortable pretending to be sexually satisfied, rather than discussing what would succeed in getting them off for real.
Sadly, zero communication often results in sub-par fornication, and so the cycle continues.
Sometimes, the reason people fake orgasms is simply because they're absolutely shattered. If you're eyeballs-about-to-drop-out tired, or you've had a bit to drink, it's going to become much harder to have an orgasm.
People can sense that the magic is just not going to happen – so they draw on their 'acting skills' to get some shut-eye.
Why Faking isn't The Path to Happiness
I say this as a former full-time-faker : when you routinely fake your orgasms, you play yourself. You may think you're doing the right thing by keeping your partner's feelings from potentially being hurt. But every time you fake, you're cheating yourself out of an orgasm and you're lying to your partner.
They're labouring under the misapprehension that they're giving you the ride of your life – but they aren't.
And they won't. That is, until you stop faking and start talking to them about what you need. Sometimes, all it takes is bringing a bit of excitement to your usual routine.
Audrey Andrews is a student blogger for Lovehoney. In her spare time she loves to do craft, but would not advise knitting your own condoms.
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