You'll Love These Hilarious Sex Scenes (Written by the Lovehoney Team)

Bad Sex in Fiction

Budge over, Booker Prize, it's time to announce the winner of the biggest honour in the literary calendar - The Guardian's Bad Sex Award.

Held every year at the start of December, this literal 'booby' prize honours the worst-written sex scene from the fictitious offerings of the past year.

Over the years, some absolute corkers have made the shortlist and gone on to take home this somewhat dubious accolade. Who can forget Morrisey's "giggling snowball of full-figured copulation", the winning scene from 2015? Or the deeply erotic sight of, "her passport [rising] gradually out of the back pocket of her jeans in time with the rhythmic bobbing of her buttocks" from Tom Connolly's 2016 finalist entry?

With 2019's winner due to be announced later today, we decided to challenge the Lovehoney writers to attempt their own award-worthy bad sex scene, complete with clumsy metaphors and deeply unsexy settings.

Who do you think should win the title of Lovehoney's Smutkateer-in-Chief? Let us know in the comments below!

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Could YOU Design the Next Big Sex Toy?

Lovehoney Design A Sex Toy Logo

Lovehoney's Design A Sex Toy competition is back, this time with a fabulous futuristic twist!

Think you can create a design that will help transform the future of sex? If so, you could be in with a chance of getting your hands on a 5,000 cash prize in your local currency.

Plus, the winning design has a chance of being made into an actual, real-life product, on sale on the Lovehoney website.

AND you could earn hundreds of thousands of pounds in royalties!

The winners will be decided by our fantastic team of judges, so we thought it was about time we introduced you. We also asked them to give you a few tips...

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Position of the Week (Black Friday Special): The Multi-Tasker

Black Friday Ultimate Shopping Therapy POTW

If your default pose this week has been "thumb-hovering-over-the-refresh-button-on-your-favourite-website-waiting-for-the-hottest-Black-Friday-deals", then this is the sex position for you.

Look, we know pulling out your phone mid-moment is usually a no-no, but if our incredible deals have got you hot under the collar, then this variation on the classic reverse cowgirl lets you and your partner fill your baskets, as well as your boots.


We're just kidding, of course. Once you've bagged yourself the best Black Friday butt plug bargain around (phew), or finally treated yourself to the lingerie you've been lusting after for months, then put the devices away and spend some quality one-on-one time with your boo, without distraction.

So that you can just lie back and enjoy without getting thumb strain from all the scrolling, we've picked out some of our favourite Cyber Weekend deals below, too. Don't say we don't treat you.

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