Menopause & Sex Toys

by Chelle

on 25 Sep 2022

Believe it or not, we’re still busting myths and unearthing facts about the menopause. We know so much, and yet so little too, but one thing we can be almost certain about is that for many of us, the menopause can impact our sex lives.

Go back a few hundred years ago, and as people approached the menopause and began to find sex and intimacy, well, a little uncomfortable? There wasn’t really much that could be done.

Chemist Pharmacy Giveaway group shot 4

Even more recently, maybe in the last few decades, conversations about the menopause have been kept relatively confidential. We haven’t been so keen to divulge our issues to our healthcare professionals, and sharing those more intimate parts of ourselves with our partners? That hasn’t really happened much either.

Fortunately, the passing of time has seen us open up much more and now we’re way less restricted in keeping our experiences, thoughts and troubles to ourselves. Collectively, we can agree that the menopause genuinely can affect the way we feel sexually – and that my friend, is totally ok. More than ok, and probably much more common than you might think it is.

Let’s break it down…

  • 35% of menopausal women reported reduction of sexual desire

  • The most prevalent sexual symptoms associated with the menopause are reduced vaginal lubrication and arousal

  • Many couples believe night sweats and disturbed sleep are part responsible for a decline in sexual activity

So, as the menopause changes our sexual appetite and in some cases, responses and intimacy preferences too, do the toys we usually go for change with them? Quite possibly!

The menopause can be a great way to learn more about ourselves sexually, giving us the opportunity to explore our bodies more and discover our lesser known body responses and turn-ons, while letting us enjoy the sensations of toys we maybe wouldn’t have chosen before.

Want some inspiration for keeping things turned on when the monthlies turn off? Let us help with that!

Let's get wet


As once said by a very insightful Lovehoney forum member, “It’s a lot easier to get a slippery clit aroused than a dry one!”, so using lubricant during sex and intimacy can really help get those motors fired up. One of the more common sex complaints of the menopause is a lack of moisture in the vagina, leading to dryness, friction and discomfort.

Even when you’re aroused, turned on and wanting sex, the body and vulva doesn’t always respond the way you might want them to, and getting wet naturally can be just a teeny bit more difficult than it might have been in the past.

Lubricant can enhance the sensation of touch, whether it be your own hand, your partner’s fingers, or a toy, making sex much more enjoyable for all involved.

“Vaginal dryness was a problem for me. Even when I felt aroused I didn’t really get ‘wet’, which made penetrative sex feel uncomfortable for me. Thankfully, using lube really helped me to enjoy being with my partner more.”

There are lots of lubricants available, from no-frills water-based formulas, to anal ones, those that warm and tingle, and even flavoured ones, which are great for oral-based intimacy.

Touch me elsewhere


While vaginal dryness may be up there in the top 5 menopausal woes, good sex is about much more than the initial prep. Many menopausal people notice other differences in how their bodies respond to touch and intimacy. Particularly in cases where the menopause has been induced through surgical procedures and treatments, and for trans people too, a loss of sensitivity around the vulva and genitals can be common.

But it’s not all bad news, as many have reported that other parts of their body react more quickly or intensely to touch instead, and better still – there are toys that are literally made for just that!

“I lost some sensitivity down below but realized that other parts of my body were almost hyper-sensitive. I’ve developed a secret love for nipple clamps!”

If menopause has your body feeling and reacting a little like this too, consider introducing toys that are targeted for all-over body stimulation. A body massager like this is ideal for not just relieving those tensed up muscles, but for eliciting serious arousal too.

Nipple clamps, suckers and pumps can increase blood supply for toe-curling tingly sensations, while feather ticklers, floggers, crops and whips can let you enjoy a whole range of intoxicating sexual goodness. Here are some of our best-selling toys for all-over pleasure.

Shop by touch

Time to experiment


Love your rabbit vibe but want it to work harder for you?

As the regular cycles dry up, many people going through the menopause find their sexual appetite fluctuates, or in some cases, it simply rockets to sky-high levels.

Sometimes this is down to our usual PMS symptoms taking a forever vacation, other times because sex can actually feel more comfortable than it did before.

“My periods were really heavy and irregular before. Now I’ve gone 7 months without one and I feel better than ever, so I’ve started to experiment more with toys, finding ones that are familiar to me but different too.”

With your sexual appetite soaring, you might want to look for toys that have a little extra edge to them. Things like multi-speed vibrators, or a rabbit vibe that thrusts and warms too can be good pleasure products to take for a trial run.

They’ll feel somewhat close to their original form, but have something special about them to take your intimate encounter to next-level satisfaction. Clitoral suction vibrators are also proving to be amongst some of our most popular toys.

Shop toys with a difference

A different fit


So, we’ve established we may get less wet, and our response to touch could change too, but what else? In some cases, the menopause can change how we are anatomically. Physical changes, such as the narrowing, tightening or shortening of the vagina, can happen for a number of reasons. Sometimes where the menopause is surgically-induced, the canal leading to where the cervix is, or would be, can be considerably shorter.

Along with this, if you’ve been unable to have sex frequently or for a certain amount of time, the vagina can feel tighter and more narrow. This can also happen if sex has become uncomfortable through natural menopause.

If narrowing or tightness is making things a little more uncomfortable for you, you might find a vaginal dilator set a good way to build up to bigger penetration. You can read more about this in our Menopause and My Health blog.

“Following a hysterectomy, I found myself in early surgical menopause. Without my cervix in tact anymore, I find bigger toys more intimidating and difficult to use. Now I choose toys with a smaller overall length, but ones that have different functions or features I can enjoy instead.”

Looking for a new suction dildo with just the right amount of length? Check out some of our most popular ones here. All of our dildos and vibrators are described with their insertable lengths mentioned on our website, so you can browse easily and find exactly what you’re looking for.

Shop your perfect fit

As we mark ‘International Menopause Month’ this October, we’re sharing more insights, experiences and knowledge about the menopause, including how the menopause impacts our health and how it can also affect our partners. You can also head to our forum where you can find threads and conversations about the menopause, or even start your own.


Written by Chelle. Lovehoney Editorial Team
Chelle is a multi-published adult author who believes great sex starts with having the confidence to explore your fantasies in the bedroom.
A bondage and kink enthusiast, Chelle is also an advocate for BDSM education, and when she’s not writing blogs for Lovehoney, you'll find her planning for her next erotica novel.

Originally published on 25 Sep 2022. Updated on 22 Sep 2022