How to Use a Dildo: Your Beginner’s Guide

Whether you saw your first dildo as a teenager, giggling and giddy with your best mates and gobsmacked by all the options, or later on, carefully chosen as saucy surprise for your lover – we've all got one thing in common... That heady, nervous excitement that builds as you wonder how you could experiment with your new toy, and how good it’ll feel.

If you’ve landed on this article because you’re ready for your first dildo, then firstly: congratulations! As rites of passage go, this is one of the best ones out there. Here’s to your sex life getting even hotter! Secondly: read on... We’ve packed this guide with tips on targeting your erogenous zones, choosing a shape that feels incredible to you, and exploring all the ways a dildo can deliver breathtaking pleasure.

Only got time for a quickie?

Check out your express guide to dildo mastery right here – or jump to whatever section tickles your fancy for more in-depth advice:

• Size wisely: Bigger isn’t always better. If it’s your first time, try the smaller options before levelling up to larger dildos

• Prep like a pro: Always add lube when using dildos and take time to turn yourself on before you get started with penetration

• Switch up your positions: Find angles that feel amazing to you and that give you proper control over the depth and angle of penetration

• Take it steady: No need to rush! Explore different rhythms and depths

• Stay safe: Always clean your dildo after each session, and always use flared-base toys for anal penetration

• Get experimental: Try temperature play and doubling up with other toys for more exciting sensations

Most dildos are pretty low-tech, but they’re very versatile. These phallic beauties are designed to simulate penetration and can feel incredible vaginally, anally, or even externally (think grinding on a dildo's raised veins, for example).

They’re ideal for all genders and orientations, and are just as satisfying to use as a solo masturbation toy as they are for spicing things up with a partner. Curious? One of you can wield the dildo or simply watch while the other masturbates with it. Or pop your dildo into a strap-on harness and try a spot of pegging.

Plus: unlike vibrators, dildos let you control the speed and type of stimulation. Take things smooth and slow, experiment with different rhythms and techniques, or vary the depth and angle to discover what feels best.

Each style brings its own special magic to the bedroom. Here's what each type of dildo has to offer…

Suction cup

These little suckers stick to any smooth surface, keeping your hands free to stroke and tease other areas while you grind. Slap a suction cup dildo on the bathroom tiles for steamy shower sessions, or stick one to the floor for hands-free fun. If you love to ride a partner and want to bring that kind of stimulation into your solo sex life, this is the dildo for you.

Realistic

Designed to look and feel like the real thing, realistic dildos come complete with veins and defined heads that'll make you do a double-take. (Some feature balls at the base for that extra level of authenticity!) The texture of those raised external features adds a thrilling extra layer of sensation as you play.

Metal or glass

Beautiful, sensual, stimulating: these functional pieces of art offer temperature play that just isn't possible with a real-life member. Pop a metal or glass dildo in the fridge for breathtaking coolness or warm it in a bowl of warm water for delicious heat. They're perfectly smooth, completely non-porous, and give you very firm, targeted pressure that's designed to hit your G-spot or P-spot.

Thrusting or vibrating

These high-tech wonders do the heavy lifting for you, featuring automatic thrusting motions and buzzing sensations that'll hit every single sweet spot. Thrusting dildos are ideal if you want hands-free pleasure or find repetitive movements uncomfortable... or just a bit of a faff.

Double-ended

With two delicious heads, double-ended dildos are perfect for sharing the love with a partner or treating yourself to some double-penetration adventures. These longer, curved dildos are often “super flexible”, says Annabelle Knight, our resident sex and relationships expert. "So, you can turn it into a double vaginal and anal dildo in one go." Talk about bang for your buck!

Fantasy

That’s right, our smut and romantasy lovers can get fantasy dildos to suit almost any scenario. Think: scaly dragon, mystical unicorn, or deep sea monster... These creative masterpieces often feature unique textures, curves, and colours that provide sensations you'll never get from realistic toys.

The secret to mind-blowing dildo play? Preparation – and a healthy appetite for exploring what feels incredible to you.

Get in position

You’re more likely to enjoy penetration play when you’re relaxed and comfortable. So, have a play around with different positions to find what works for your body:

Lying back: The classic Missionary-inspired position, with knees drawn up, gives you easy access and total control over depth and angle. Pop a pillow under your hips for even better positioning.

Squatting: Whether you're lowering yourself onto a suction-cup dildo or holding one yourself, squatting lets gravity help with penetration. Start slowly though – this position can allow for very deep insertion, so pace yourself.

How to prepare

Proper prep work sets the stage for next-level pleasure:

• Give your toy a thorough clean with warm water and antibacterial sex toy cleaner – and wash your hands while you’re at it.

• Get properly aroused with a little foreplay – even if you’re playing alone! – through self-touch, other toys, or letting your mind wander to naughty places. Flicking through some steamy fiction can help to get you in the mood.

• Slather on the lube – seriously, use more than you think you need and don’t be afraid to reapply. Even if you’ve got a vulva, your natural wetness can dry up after a few minutes. Plus, a little extra slickness makes insertion feel easy and sensual.

• Only douche if you want to – it helps some people feel cleaner and more ready for anal play, but it’s totally up to you.

Lube noob? Check out our Beginner’s Guide to Lube for tips on choosing and using lube with your lovers and your toys.

Tips for vulvas

The beauty of dildo play for vulva owners lies in the wide range of sensations you can enjoy:

G-spot hunting: Once your dildo’s inserted, angle the tip towards your belly button. This will help you target that patch of textured tissue about 2-3 inches inside your vagina; it's about the size of a ten-pence piece. Try massaging it using a ‘come hither’ motion or steady pressure, rather than frantic thrusting – slow and steady can feel amazing.

Don't neglect your clit: The external part of your clitoris wants in on the action too! Use your free hand, grab a bullet vibrator, or position yourself so the dildo's base rubs against your clit during penetration. Multi-tasking at its finest.

Blended bliss: Combine vaginal penetration with anal play using a small butt plug, or tease your nipples with a vibrator while enjoying internal sensations. This triple-stimulation combo can lead to breathtaking blended orgasms.

Mix up your rhythm: Different speeds and depths create different sensations – slow, deep strokes feel worlds apart from quick, shallow movements. Try pulsing, twisting, or rocking motions too. It’s all about figuring out what feels incredible to you.

Tips for butts

Anal play requires a bit more TLC, but offers a whole lot of sensual satisfaction for all genders:

Start small and work up: Begin with some foreplay, then use a well-lubed finger or small toy before moving up to larger dildos. Your anal muscles need time to relax and get with the programme! Rushing yourself to play with large toys could cause tearing – or just put you off anal play altogether.

Lube, lube, and more lube: The rectum doesn't self-lubricate, so coat both your anus and toy generously. Keep reapplying throughout your session if you need to; water-based is best, because it’s compatible with all toys. Go for a specialist anal lube, too; it adds an extra cushion-y feeling that helps you feel more comfortable and supported when you play in this particularly sensitive area.

Flared bases are non-negotiable: Toys without flared bases can disappear inside you, leading to rather mortifying and potentially dangerous trips to A&E. Trust us on this one…

Take your time: Go slowly when inserting and removing your toy. Sudden movements can cause discomfort or injury, and that's not the kind of intensity we're after!

P-spot magic: For those blessed with a male prostate. Once your dildo’s inserted try angling your dildo towards your belly button to target this extra-sensitive walnut-sized gland. When you find it, you'll know – the sensations are unmistakably good!

How to clean up

Proper hygiene keeps you healthy and your toys in tip-top condition:

• Clean right after use with warm water and antibacterial toy cleaner – don't leave it til tomorrow!

• Pay special attention to textured areas, where sneaky bacteria might try to hide – sex toy wipes can help get into the nooks and crannies

• Dry thoroughly before storing in a clean, dry place away from other toys – when silicone toys rub together, it can cause damage to the material

• Never go from anal to vaginal contact without thorough cleaning in between – bacteria loves to travel and might cause an irritation or infection

For the full lowdown on toy maintenance, check out our guide on how to clean sex toys.

Picking the perfect dildo is a bit like choosing a dance partner – you want someone who moves with you, not against you.

Size matters (but not in the way you think): Bigger isn't always better, despite what porn might have you believe. Start small and work your way up when you’re sure you’re ready. Remember: you can always upgrade to something larger, but it's not always easy to recover from using something that’s too big for you.

Consider your experience level: Newbies should opt for slimmer toys (around 1 inch in diameter), while seasoned players might enjoy the full-up feeling of options with more girth.

Think about your goals: Fancy some G-spot stimulation? Look for curved designs. Interested in deep penetration? Longer, straighter toys are your friends. Planning to share with a partner? Double-ended options are perfect.

Consider a strapless strap-on: "Straps and buckles can make you feel an emotional and physical distance between you and your partner," says Annabelle Knight. "Strapless strap-ons get rid of all of that, [which] means you get maximum skin-on-skin contact, which increases those intimacy levels."

Materials

Understanding toy materials is crucial for both safety and maximum pleasure:

Non-porous materials like medical-grade silicone, borosilicate glass, and stainless steel are completely body-safe. They don't harbour nasty bacteria, can be fully sterilised, and will last for years with proper care.

"Metal dildos are non-gendered, non-anatomically correct, and unisex," says Annabelle. "So, it doesn't matter how you identify, what your sexual preferences are, or what you like in bed, metal toys are suitable for all." Not only that, but you'll never need to replace the batteries or worry about housemates hearing that tell-tale buzzing!

Porous materials like jelly, rubber, and some cheaper plastics can trap bacteria and may contain skin-irritating chemicals. If you choose these materials, always use condoms over the toy.

6 best dildos

Here are six of our customers’ favourite dildos. For this list, we picked the toys that rated very highly with our testers (four stars or more) – and made sure you got a good range of different styles too!