What Turns Men On?

Wondering how to turn your man on and heat things up in the bedroom? Check out these tips and tricks from Lovehoney.

Looking to enhance your sex life and please your male partner? You’ve come to the right place.

Men can be construed as being either sex-obsessed or hard to please in the bedroom, but that isn’t necessarily true. Ever heard of the infamous “men think about sex every seven seconds” statement? That’s been proven wrong. One study conducted at Ohio State University revealed that, of the 200 students surveyed, young men reported thoughts of sex averaging nineteen times per day. By contrast, the young women estimated around ten thoughts per day.

Everyone is different and there’s no on universal way to guarantee pleasure. What might be an instant spark in one person could be an instant extinguisher in another.

As ever, communication remains the most important element of securing pleasure. Talk to your partner and understand what their needs and desires are, whether explored or previously unchartered territory. Pleasure is not a one-way street and making active efforts to heighten your partner’s sexual happiness can be mutually satisfying.

So what turns men on? And can we ever master it?

Signs of male arousal

Granted, the erection is an obvious sign of male arousal, but the body responds with other physical indicators that might not be abundantly obvious.

Biologically, the male libido is located in both the cerebral cortex and the limbic system. These two areas of the brain are so powerful that many men can climax by thinking or dreaming about a sexual experience.

There are four stages to male arousal and knowing how to navigate those intricacies can help to facilitate deeper sexual understanding. If you can identify where your partner is at arousal-wise, it can be easier to identify their needs and explore what might work best at that moment.

Intrigued? The all-important first stage of the sexual response cycle is excitement. You guessed it: this initial stage typically triggers an erection in males. As the blood flows into the penis, the tissue expands and hardens, et voilà. At this stage, the scrotum tightens and moves the muscles closer to the body.

As in females, the nipples harden and muscles begin to tighten throughout the body. During this first response to sexual excitement, the penis might release some pre-ejaculate to get things going. It’s the body’s natural lube.

The second stage - known as the plateau stage - heightens things a little. The testicles swell and are drawn even tighter to the body as the scrotum tightens. Intense, right?

Listen out for his heartbeat. Is it quickening? That’s also a physical sign of arousal common in the plateau stage, as is deeper, heavier breathing.

The climax - the third stage - is the shortest phase. In males, the muscles in the base of the penis contract even further before that sweet, semen-based release.

And for the sex swots: The resolution is the final phase, during which all those frisky physical changes dissipate and return to normal. In other words: the body says, “as you were.” The penis, scrotum and testicles reduce back to their regular size, and breathing, heart rate and blood pressure regulate once again.

Want to go again? Males typically struggle to climax straight after their first one, though the female anatomy can sometimes enjoy multiple orgasms. Let’s go, girls.

How to turn a man on

Now, let’s get down and dirty. True, there’s no one way to turn on a man. You can’t just flick a switch and expect the lightbulb to illuminate: you have to work for it.

How to turn a man on by talking

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Never underestimate the art of dirty talk. It can be really sexy to describe everything you’re doing to your partner. Having that narration can reinforce that physical pleasure: show him with your body, but also tell him with your mouth.

If he’s up for it, don’t be afraid to tease him a little. Having that control can be super sexy for both parties and withholding that power and reinforcing it verbally can be an instant green light.

Want to add a personal touch? Say his name as you’re stimulating those initial stages of sexual excitement. Let him know that those are his fantasies coming to light: they’re happening to him, in that moment.

Even better, give your mouth a workout and try whispering sweet nothings in his ear, moving to sneak a kiss on his neck on your journey. That transition will have him in a chokehold.

How to turn a guy on over text


Sexting didn’t die in the 2000s. Horny texts are and will forever remain the eternal language of love.

Words are super powerful. Sexting can stand in isolation or with accompanying sexy pics, so get creative and channel your poetic side. You can use emojis for extra emphasis if you need.

Sexting isn’t just for teenagers: it can reintroduce some lusty excitement into any established relationship. It doesn’t need to die when you move in together either. Want to text him from the next room and let him know all your dirty thoughts? He might just drop the dishes and run to you.

Particularly effective for long-distance relationships, sexting allows an element of thinking outside the box. Have fantasies you want to act out when you’re next together? Tell him in excruciating detail.

Show him your finest lingerie and let him know that it’s all his as soon as the front door clicks shut. Ask him about his needs and desires, and if you want to go bold, you can narrate the minutiae of your solo play. Let him know you’re thinking about him.

If you’re going down this route, make sure to set some boundaries first. Are you okay to sext whenever or is there a curfew? Workplace texting can be cute but for some, it’s a no-go. Make sure to check in.

Not sure how to get started? Start with a few compliments and watch as the passion takes over. Looking back, you might be surprised what the purple devil emoji-ed version of yourself was capable of.

Maintain eye contact


This is perhaps one of the most important elements in furthering male pleasure. If nothing else, maintain that eye contact. There’s nothing sexier than looking directly into someone’s pupils whilst they climax, so make sure not to lose it.

It can also increase feelings of vulnerability, allowing that sexual bond to flourish. If you’re feeling somewhat out of sync, it can evoke feelings of trust and interconnectedness. The eyes are the windows to the soul, after all.

Set the mood


A 2017 study of 40,000 people published in the Journal of Sex Research found that setting the mood was the number one ingredient actively employed by couples wanting to keep things spicy. The people in long-term relationships that were the happiest sexually invested time in setting the mood: they were also more content with their relationship overall.

Investing in the mood isn’t just about lighting candles or dimming the lights. Committing to the ambience can also look like silencing your phones and coordinating your schedules so that there are no interruptions. Peaceful sex is always preferable, after all.

Setting the mood can also look like discussing expectations and desires for intimacy. Is this going to be a gentle love-making session or a headboard-banging sex fest? Make sure you’re on the same page, first and foremost.

Maintaining the vibe can also involve keeping the space clear from any visual distractions. Keep things tidy to ensure peace of mind: an overflowing washing basket right next to the bed can be intruding, to say the least.

Wear some lingerie


This is an age-old trick, but the wisdom behind it is eternal. Want to arouse your male partner? Try out some new lingerie. Whether it’s a bra set, a corset or a chemise you’re after, your options for sexual excitement are endless.

The satisfaction from playing with lingerie can be mutually beneficial, too. Ask him what he’d like to see you wear and suggest going shopping together.

However, consider your needs too. If there’s something you’ve been eyeing up, go for it. If you find it sexy, he will too.

Confidence is infectious. If you’re wearing something that makes you feel good, he’ll no doubt buzz off that. And if you’re feeling self-assured, that assertiveness will come through whilst you’re pleasuring your partner. Dominance is highly arousing.

If role play is something he’s open to, experiment with a costume. Exploring clothing fetishes can be an invigorating way to warm things up. In the UK, 81.5% of people have engaged in sexual role play since turning 40, so never say never.

Try aphrodisiacs


It’s time to bring out the big guns. An aphrodisiac is any substance or food that increases sexual desire or arousal and can be employed to further sexual excitement. These foods don’t just make you want it, either: they can also enhance performance or pleasure.

Oysters, dark chocolate, cloves and sage are all common examples of aphrodisiacs. These foods are split into categories depending on how they work, so spicy substances such as hot chilli peppers are commonly interpreted as stirring up desire as they increase body temperature.

Want to get that arousal flowing? Enjoy some quality time together in the experience too, whether cooking or going out to eat. Relish in that bonding time before the inevitable bonk fest. Is there any wonder champagne and oysters are the most stereotypical date choices for anniversaries and special occasions?

Elsewhere, fruit and veg that resemble sexual organs can be sexually stimulating, as can the reproductive organs of animals including eggs. Foods that arouse sight, smell and taste are similarly believed to contribute to feelings of sexual arousal, as are rare and exotic foods or spices.

Aphrodisiacs can also help to target issues with sexual dysfunction. Premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction are the most common inhibitors faced by men, with sexual dysfunction in women manifesting most commonly as problems with desire and arousal. If these are areas impacting your sexual relationship, an oyster or two - or some Lindt - might help.

There are also a few natural supplements - ambrein, horny goat weed and yohimbe included - that are generally accepted as having aphrodisiac qualities. Ginseng has also been used for this purpose, but its effectiveness is still debated.

Plan a romantic date night


Investing in your relationship is always sexy, but you don’t necessarily need to go big to show your commitment. Look back at your relationship - whatever stage it’s in - and think about mutual interests or enjoyable, shared activities. Go from there.

If you both enjoy films, set up a movie night. Think outside the box: building a fort and watching your old favourites on Netflix might be much more sentimental - and horny - than going to the cinema.

Romantic needn’t be cheesy either. Romance is a very personal thing and if sharing a pint and a packet of crisps at the pub holds significance in your relationship, then consider it romantic. It’s about individual meaning: that’s where your partner will derive value and, ultimately, arousal.

Play a game


If you’re looking to spice things up, a sex game is an easy way to do that.

Ever played Twister? Great. Why not try strip Twister? The rules are simple: each time someone loses, they have to take off an article of clothing. The first person who ends up totally naked can either pleasure the winner or the winner can collect their prize (wink, wink).

The Lovehoney Oh! Kama Sutra Memory Match Game is another fun option, but with less flexibility involved (perhaps). With 52 cards, each depicts a position to explore with your partner.

Not only is playing cards a fantastic way to get things flowing and keep things flirty, but it encourages discussion around what you might want to try. Exploring new things is a key ingredient when it comes to arousal.

Talk about what turns you on

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Sexual communication is a necessary part of enjoying a blossoming sex life. Never assume you’ve mastered everything when it comes to satisfying your partner: check in regularly to understand whether there’s anything they’d like to explore or a particular area they’d like to focus on more, whether that’s incorporating more sex toys or making an effort to try new positions.

As a couples’ bonding exercise, why not try making a list of all the things that arouse you? Share your list with your partner and vice versa.

Take notes of their favourite turn-ons and turn-offs and respond with positive energy. Don’t go on the offence: if your partner is sharing a previously undiscussed or new turn-on with you, don’t invalidate their feelings. Reassure them and incorporate it into your sexual routine with care.

How to physically turn a man on

Physical things you can do to boost your male partner’s arousal...

Kiss their erogenous zones


Erogenous zones are essentially pleasure spots. Genitals are an obvious one, but other sensitive areas of the body can generate satisfaction.

Known male erogenous zones include the scalp, lips, nipples, belly button, pubic hair line and, of course, the penis and scrotum. The ears, nape of the neck, back of the neck, lower back, hands, inner thigh, back of knees and perineum - the area between the anus and scrotum - are also considered to be male erogenous zones.

To explore new horizons for arousal, try planting a kiss on their erogenous zones. A slow, sultry peck on the forehead always goes down a treat, and if you’re going in for oral, why not pass the belly button on the way down?

Pleasure looks different for everyone. Communicate with your partner about which areas feel good for them and make sure to show those spots some extra love.

Bring out the blindfold


Oh yes. Introducing a blindfold can help to improve the relationship between you and your partner, reinforcing that all-important trust. And where there’s trust, there’s flourishing sexual happiness.

Removing the visuals can help to intensify pleasure in other ways, heightening the senses. If you’re focusing in on the erogenous zones, try gently caressing your partner with soft, slow movements to prolong the excitement. He’ll feel it more intensely.

Take this as an opportunity to talk dirty. Enjoy the moment and let the filth arise. Describe to him everything you’re doing and he’ll envisage that pleasure without being able to physically see the action. It keeps things creative.

Take a shower together

shower sex

Showering together is a steamy way to improve intimacy, but beware: on its own, water is a terrible lubricant.

It can make the genitalia feel dry, so if this is something you’re looking to explore, introduce a silicone-based lube that won’t wash away. Lovehoney Indulge Silicone Lubricant is a noble steed.

Remember: no surprises. Communicate every move to ensure your safety, and if you’re particularly clumsy consider investing in a suction device or slip-proof matt to not interrupt the moment with any slippages.

Play footsie


There’s a reason so many rom coms employ this classic old trope. A flirtatious bit of body language, footsie is a playful reminder of your physical availability.

If you’re both barefoot, that skin-to-skin contact can generate even more sexual excitement.

Add toys to your routine


Sex toys aren’t just for women. From male masturbators to Fleshlights, the male sex toy market is ever-growing.

To inject some buzz, try introducing a cock ring. Start off strong with the Lovehoney Boost Vibrating Love Ring or the Durex Play Little Devil Cock Ring, allowing harder erections and delayed climax to extend that pleasure.

Want to join in on the fun? The Lovehoney Bed Ringer Rechargeable Double Cock Ring is a textured masturbator facilitating mutual pleasure. Enhancing clitoral or perineal sensations during penetrative sex, it adds an extra layer of passion, worn over the shaft and balls.

If he’s into being dominated, then handcuffs are also a cheeky way to incorporate some light bondage.

Try out nipple play


The nipples are a famous erogenous zone, so why not try out some nipple play? Start soft by licking, kissing or tracing circles.

To level up, consider introducing temperature play. Cold water or ice are both sure to extend chills throughout the body, facilitating some serious nipple erection.

Alternatively, dripping warm candle wax, warm water or even sucking gently can help to get the blood vessels moving. If you’re lucky, you might even unlock a nipple orgasm.

Experiment with prostate stimulation


You’ll want to lube up for this one. The prostate - also known as the male G-spot - is found around three inches inside the rectum (or peach, if you will).

Amazingly, it can be stimulated both internally and externally either with fingers, genitalia or toys such as anal beads or dildos. Apply pressure between the anus and testicles to move closer to a prostate orgasm without insertion. Gently massage inside for an internal one.

Give them a massage


Sex can be a fantastic stress reliever and massages are no different. Allowing your partner to feel physically relaxed – with your hands all over them – facilitates physical closeness and reminds them that you care. And it’s sexy as hell.

You needn’t rely solely on your hands, either. If you’re looking to take things the extra mile, consider putting your money towards a handheld massager for a deeper groove. The Lovehoney Oh! Sensual Body Massager can be heated up to body temperature beforehand to get those sexy hormones going: just place in gently in warm water.

Finally, pair with your preferred massage oil for an added layer of intensity. The Tracey Cox Supersex Massage Oil is a trusty fave, or, for continuity, the Lovehoney Oh! Massage Oil comes in a variety of flavours should you need to lick it off afterwards.

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