Menopause
Does it Affect Your Sex Drive?

In this guide: Sex drive changes | Intimacy tips | Sex toys | Sex positions | When to speak to your doctor

In the lead up to menopause, what you want and what feels good might start to look a little different. Maybe your libido has slowed down (or ramped up – it can happen!) or sex has become more uncomfortable than enjoyable.

No matter what, pleasure doesn’t have an expiry date. There are plenty of ways to make it work for your body. In this guide, you’ll hear from Dr Elesha Vooght on how (and why) menopause might affect your sex life. From navigating dryness and rediscovering what turns you on, you'll find advice for keeping intimacy on the menu.

Only got time for a quickie?

Read the full guide below to get all the detail and expert advice. In the meantime, here's the need-to-know on sex and menopause:

• Your sex drive can decrease, increase or stay pretty much the same during menopause. There is no 'normal'.
• Vaginal dryness and changes in sensitivity can make sex feel different. Lube, longer foreplay and switching up how you play can help.
• Penetration doesn't have to be the main event. Masturbation, oral sex, massage and other forms of intimacy can feel just as satisfying.
• Sex toys can help you explore different sensations, especially if what used to work for you isn't quite hitting the spot anymore.
• Certain positions, like Queening or the Speedbump, might feel better. If you do fancy penetration with a partner, try positions that give you more control over depth, pace and pressure.
• If menopause symptoms are affecting your wellbeing or sex has become painful, speak to your doctor. Support and treatment are available.

In the years leading up to menopause, your body goes through a big hormonal transition known as perimenopause. Your oestrogen, progesterone, and testosterone fluctuate and gradually decline, which can affect how you feel about sex.

“Some people experience a reduction in sex drive, others an increase, and the rest have very little change at all,” explains NHS resident doctor Dr Elesha Vooght. In fact, around of half of women experience low sexual desire during menopause. Here’s how the symptoms of perimenopause might affect your sex drive:

• Mood swings: Hormonal changes can affect your mood, which may also leave you feeling less interested in sex.
• Brain fog: When concentrating feels like hard work, getting your head in the game can too. Elesha says brain fog can "indirectly" reduce interest in sex.
• Reduced blood flow to the vaginal area: This can affect genital arousal and sensitivity, meaning your body may take longer to respond to stimulation.
• Vaginal irritation and dryness: Elesha explains that “fluctuating and reducing oestrogen levels can lead to vaginal dryness, reduced genital arousal and painful sex.” If you feel uncomfortable, it’s no wonder you might not want to have sex.
• Breast tenderness: Sore or sensitive breasts may mean touches you usually enjoy suddenly aren't quite so appealing.
• Hot flushes and night sweats: Feeling hot and wet isn't always as sexy as it sounds. It’s completely understandable if you’re feeling irritable, uncomfortable, and not at all in the mood for sex.
• Sleep issues: If menopause is keeping you awake, tiredness can understandably leave sex lower down the priority list. And it’s pretty common, with research suggesting sleep disorders affect around 16–47% of people during perimenopause and 35–60% after menopause.
• Weight gain and water retention: We think you’re sexy at any size and stage of life, but it’s natural if you’re finding it hard to adjust as your body changes with age.
• Dry, itchy skin and hair loss: Changes to your skin and hair can knock your confidence and affect how sexy or desirable you feel. And if you're not quite feeling like yourself, it makes sense that sex might not be top of mind.

Elesha points out that perimenopause can coincide with career pressures, caring responsibilities, relationship changes, health concerns and medications. “I have lost my libido and it has REALLY knocked my self esteem. Sex was a big part of my personality and I often initiated it,” shares Lovehoney Forum user SeaSideCpl.

For Forum user having-fun, it went beyond libido: “Basically it robbed me of ‘me’ for years before I realised what was happening to me,” they said, describing “horrific anxiety, zero confidence, no sex drive, rage from nowhere, insomnia and more.” Luckily for having-fun, HRT helped: “I feel more like ‘me’ than I have for years, life is so much better.”

You may experience some of these symptoms, all of them or hardly any, and your libido might even increase. Dr Elesha notes that leaving periods and pregnancy worries behind can feel “liberating”. Plus, testosterone declines more slowly than oestrogen and progesterone, which may contribute to increased sexual thoughts and desire.

Menopause might change what feels good, but that doesn't mean pleasure is off the menu. From adding a little extra lubrication to taking penetration out of the equation altogether, here are eight ways to keep intimacy feeling good.

Know your lubes and moisturisers

Even if your sex drive doesn’t take a hit, around 70% of postmenopausal women surveyed said they experienced vaginal dryness. It’s a common symptom that can make sex and masturbation very uncomfortable, but knowing how to use lube can help:

• Water-based lube: A great all-rounder that’s compatible with condoms and most sex toys. Choosing a glycerin-free option, such as the Lovehoney Enjoy Water-Based Lube, may also be a gentler choice if you’re prone to irritation.
• Vaginal moisturiser: Designed to be used regularly, vaginal moisturisers like YES Organic Vaginal Moisturising Gel can help reduce day-to-day dryness and discomfort during menopause. This may even help with feeling aroused more spontaneously.
• Silicone-based lube: Some people prefer the feel of silicone lube because it’s more slippery, less sticky, and can last longer than water-based formulas. Avoid using it with silicone or soft plastic sex toys, as it can break down the material and damage your toy over time.
• Lube alternatives: Coconut oil and put aloe vera gel are commonly recommended lube alternatives. Bear in mind, oil-based lubes aren’t safe to use with latex condoms and may trap bacteria, which can lead to infections.
• Orgasm enhancers: Arousal gels and tingling balms can all be used to stimulate the vulva before intimacy and encourage natural lubrication. Use water-based lube as well if you’re planning on penetration.

Elesha recommends the “double glide” method for a “super slippery and long-lasting experience”. Double glide is when you apply oil-based lube to the vulva and water-based lube to the penis or sex toy. The oil stops your vulva absorbing water-based lube too quickly and keeps the vulva feeling supple and moisturised.

Make time for masturbation

Masturbation might not be the first thing that comes to mind when managing menopause symptoms, and it seems it rarely comes up at the doctor's office, either. In a 2025 study from Womanizer and the Kinsey Institute, just 3% of participants said a doctor had ever spoken to them about masturbation, despite 91% saying they'd be more likely to masturbate if they knew it could positively affect their symptoms.

During the study, reports of almost all menopause symptoms were lower during masturbation phases than during abstinence. The endorphins released during orgasm may help relieve pain and reduce stress. Plus, solo play gives you pressure-free time to focus on your body and explore what feels good, whether that's using your hands or experimenting with a sex toy.

Focus on non-sexual intimacy

If sex has become less frequent or stopped altogether, you're not alone. Sexless relationships can affect people of any age. As stress, fatigue, or health issues come up, this can all influence your sex drive. Being open with your partner about this might help take the pressure off.

Let them know it’s not because you’re not attracted to them, and you still want to explore intimacy in other ways. You could say: “I'm going through a lot physically right now, and it's making me less interested in sex. That doesn't mean I'm not interested in you. I still want to be close to you. It would really help if we could have that closeness without any expectation that it will lead to sex.”

Whether it’s spooning in bed on a Sunday morning, taking a shower together, or giving each other a massage, there are ways to enjoy intimacy without sex. Doing them regularly may help you feel more connected to your partner, which sets the groundwork for sex whenever you're ready. That said, it may be helpful if you both agree you always go into these things without any expectations (and if sex does happen, that’s just a happy bonus).

Take the pressure off penetration

You might find it takes a little longer to get in the mood during menopause, so don't rush towards penetration. As Elesha explains, "Spending more time in the 'play' phase of sex, building up anticipation, increases physiological arousal, leading to increased blood flow and lubrication."

Even then, penetration might not feel good – and that's okay. Elesha adds that "penetration is only part of sex", with pleasure and intimacy taking plenty of other forms. Shift the focus to mutual touch, mutual masturbation, oral sex or taking turns with your favourite toys instead.

Speak to a doctor about dilators

If penetration has become painful or difficult, Elesha recommends getting a medical assessment before reaching for a dilator. Vaginal dilators come in gradually increasing sizes and are designed to gently stretch the vaginal tissues and help your pelvic floor muscles relax around penetration. If they're recommended for you, Elesha suggests choosing soft, body-safe silicone, starting with the smallest size and using plenty of good-quality lube.

As things become more comfortable, you can gradually work your way up through the sizes. Getting to know your pelvic floor muscles can also help you become more aware of how they tense and relax during penetration. Our guide to strengthening your pelvic floor has tips to help you explore and exercise these muscles.

Explore sensation play

If familiar touches don't feel quite the same, try switching up the sensations. Sensation play is all about exploring different touches, textures and temperatures across the body. It can bring connection, intimacy and a little extra thrill without putting all the focus on penetration.

Light a massage candle and drizzle warm oil over the skin, trail a feather tickler across each other's bodies or experiment with gentle scratching and tickling. Add a blindfold and even the lightest touch can become a delicious guessing game.

Embrace your kinky side

If you enjoyed sensation play, you’re already a little kinky! A lot of kink is about exploring how the body feels; it can involve sex but not always. Either way, it’s a chance to bring a sense of physical playfulness and exploration into your relationship.

That doesn't have to mean going from zero to building a sex dungeon overnight. Instead, try setting a rule that one of you isn’t allowed to touch themselves while the other one teases (a soft pair of wrist cuffs may help enforce the rule). Teasing can mean masturbating in front of your lover, trailing your fingertips along their inner thighs, or kissing every erogenous zone apart from their genitals.

Building anticipation can trigger the brain’s reward system, which makes pleasure feel more satisfying when it arrives. If you enjoy the feeling of submission or control, you can explore that further with our Beginner’s Guide to Bondage.

Focus on your health

A better sex life doesn't always start in the bedroom: regular exercise, a nutritious diet and a decent sleep routine can help manage menopause symptoms while boosting your energy and confidence. These are all things that might make getting frisky feel a little more appealing.

Go for a daily walk, find a form of exercise you actually enjoy, build yourself a nighttime routine and focus on adding nutritious foods rather than restricting what you eat. It’s about making small, sustainable changes rather than a full health-kick overhaul, your body (and potentially your libido) will thank you for it.

If the sensations that used to do it for you aren't quite hitting the same, it might be time to switch things up. Elesha explains that vibrators can improve nerve sensitivity and blood flow, increasing sensation. That’s helpful if menopause has made it harder to get aroused or reach orgasm.

The Womanizer x Kinsey Institute study found that 92.9% of participants reported experiencing at least one menopause symptom less frequently after four weeks of masturbating with the Womanizer Next, an advanced clitoral suction stimulator. Plus, 32% found it easier to orgasm with the sex toy than when masturbating in their usual way.

Try this:

• Play around with intensity. If your sensitivity has changed, having plenty of settings gives you room to experiment. Start low, work your way up and see what hits the spot.
• Give your clit some attention. Penetration doesn't have to be involved. A wand vibrator lets you focus on external stimulation and explore what feels good without putting pressure on sensitive internal tissue.
• Switch up the sensation. If conventional vibration isn't doing it for you, try something different. A clitoral suction toy such as the Womanizer Next uses pulsating airwaves around the clitoris for a different kind of stimulation. The Next is one of Womanizer’s most advanced models, allowing you to control the depth and speed of pulses.
• Make things slippery. Adding lube can reduce friction and make toy play more comfortable. Be sure to choose water-based when using toys – silicone may be silkier and longer-lasting but it can harm the surface of your toys.
• Try anal toys. If you enjoy the feeling of penetration but vaginal play isn't comfortable, you could experiment with a vibrating butt plug or anal beads instead, as they’ll stimulate your vaginal walls and clitoral network from within. Choose one designed specifically for anal play with a flared base, and use plenty of lube.
• Make bath time more fun. Warm water, time to yourself and your favourite waterproof toy? Sounds like a pretty good combination. Warm water can also help to soothe pelvic pain and increase arousal by improving circulation. Just double-check that your toy is fully waterproof before things get wet.

If penetration is on the menu, spending a little longer on foreplay can give your body more time to feel ready and aroused. Add plenty of lube, then experiment with positions that give you more control or allow for shallower penetration to find what feels most comfortable.

Menopause symptoms aren’t always easy to talk about. One survey found that 37.4% of peri- and postmenopausal respondents felt shame around their symptoms, while 82.7% reported experiencing menopause-related stigma. But keeping silent can make the transition much more difficult.

If your symptoms are making sex painful or simply reducing your day-to-day wellbeing, speak to your doctor. A GP can talk you through what treatment options are available.

Elesha describes vaginal oestrogen as the "best treatment" for genitourinary syndrome of menopause (GSM), explaining that it can help "reduce dryness, irritation and pain during sex". HRT may also be an option depending on your symptoms, while vaginal moisturisers, lubricants and other menopause solutions offer non-hormonal options for managing dryness.

Before your appointment, jot down what you've been experiencing, when it started and how it's affecting you. That way, you won't have to remember everything once you're sitting in front of your doctor.