Postpartum Sex: Tips for Rekindling Pleasure and Intimacy After Birth

But all work and no play is hardly good for the soul (or your relationship). For many couples, sex is a huge part of a happy relationship, offering health benefits like better immunity and a stronger emotional bonds.

So, it's no surprise if you're missing sex (or wondering if you'll ever it miss it again...)

Before you set forth to steer the mothership on its vital mission, know that 'you-time' is essential – and not every play date requires packed lunch and a giant nappy bag.

In this article, you'll find tips for reigniting your postpartum sex life and enhancing intimacy in your relationship. Because a healthy, happier sex life is for everyone (yes, you too, mama).

Getting back into feeling good

How we feel about sex and ultimately, ourselves, can change after having a baby. It’s not that you become less sexy, it’s more that your perception of sex and sexiness changes. Your body might be different, leaving you feel less confident than you used to be. Or maybe the sleepless nights are catching up with you, tripping your libido over on the way.

If parenting has hit the pause button on your sex life, here are three ways to get you excited about intimacy again.

1. Slip into something sexy

There’s ‘sexy’ lingerie for every mum, no matter how your body might have changed. If you’re still feeling a little self-conscious about your beautiful mum-tum, a babydoll or chemise will skim over your curves and highlight your best assets for a confidence boost.

Of course, if you're hungry to bare a little more, go for it! But if you find yourself needing scaffold-like support for your breasts these days, an under-wired bra set might be the one for you.

2. Plan your date nights

What makes you want to rip your partner’s clothes off and jump straight into bed?

If the sight of them scrubbed up nice turns you on, consider getting childcare while the two of you head out. In the early days, it might feel tough leaving your baby with someone else, but it's worth giving it a go even if just for a couple of hours. It might be exactly what you need to feel yourself (and your partner) again.

Book a nice meal, a cinema trip, or even a night of dancing in your favourite bar – whatever gets you in the mood for intimacy again. And, if going out isn't on the cards yet, there are plenty of ways to enjoy each other's company at home too.

3. Have fun with foreplay

When you want to get close to your partner, but sex still feels impossible, take penetration off the table. It's OK to let your partner know that your body is recovering but you still want to feel intimate in other ways.

Gentle oral sex and other kinds of foreplay can help you explore together while taking the pressure off. Next time you're alone, try an erotic massage to appreciate each other's bodies and rekindle a little spark between you. If you've got childcare and a whole evening to spare, you could even get a roleplay costume or adult game to inspire your fun.

How to keep it quiet (and play solo)

You know that gold-medal feeling once you’ve successfully tip-toe walked away from your little one's bed without a peep or stirring sound to stop you in your tracks.

So why, once you’ve mastered the fine sport of floorboard hopping between the creakiest planks, would you do anything to sacrifice some time to yourself?

If you're nervous about waking the whole household next time you get sexy with a partner (or just want to get sexy by yourself) consider a super discreet sex toy. Getting your rocks off can help you destress, so it's really for the greater good...

For when you’re feeling ‘touched out’

Look, let’s be real. We might love what those perfectly tiny hands can do – from the glorious finger-paintings we’ve taped to the fridge, to the mismatched beading necklace we wear with pride. But having a baby pull your dress, snag your tights and twist your hair into a multitude of knots can be plenty enough to leave anyone feeling touched out.

It's natural if you feel 'touched out' when you're constantly at the beck and call of your little one. So, when bedtime finally rolls around for the adults, getting intimate with your partner might not appeal.

If you want to feel more turned on, than tuned out, here a few things to try.

1. Treat yourself to a massage

A slow, sensual massage can be great for getting those nerve-endings tingling with pleasure. It’s intimate and relaxing all in one and will let you enjoy the sensations of being touched in a much more romantic way. Using a massage oil or massage candle will enhance those all-over body strokes and will leave your skin feeling deliciously soft too.

2. Explore sensory play

Ever wondered what it feels like to be blindfolded? Or to be tickled all over by soft, fluffy feathers? By stealing one sense and exciting another, you allow yourself to be fully absorbed in the pleasures of touch alone. Introduce some new toys into your collection, like a feather tickler, satin restraints or subtle slip-on blindfold. To get even kinkier, you could try a flogger, paddle or pinwheel.

3. Be self-indulgent

Sometimes all you need is your own touch. Nobody else, nothing else. Spending time alone to explore your own body, needs and desires is often the best way to prioritise your self-pleasure. You don’t necessarily need to complicate things with toys, just go slow and allow yourself to become more familiar with what feels good.

When postpartum sex still feels challenging

If it’s all too soon to feel sexy, that’s fine. Things may feel different at first, your body is still adjusting to some pretty epic changes. You might find penetration less comfortable than before, or you might find yourself sub-consciously tensing up when it’s time to get intimate. A dilator set can be good for starting small, while wearing kegel balls can strengthen your pelvic floor muscles. And lube is a must for easing you in and keeping sex smooth and pleasurable.