How to Have a Threesome

In this guide: What is a threesome? | Why do people enjoy them? | Classic misconceptions | How to get started | How to have a fun one | Positions to try

Picture it: you’re sitting in your local cafe, sipping a coffee and minding your own business, when an attractive couple strolls in. Trying not to be too obvious, you coyly glance from one of them to the other – idly trying to figure out which of the two you find hotter. Only to decide that you fancy them both…

If you can relate, we totally get it – and so do plenty of other frisky Brits. A Lovehoney survey found that 40% of people in the UK are keen to try a threeway, or have already had one. But how do threesomes work? How do you bring the idea up with someone, and what positions should you try? Don’t stress; here’s the lowdown on how to have a threesome.

Only got time for a quickie?

No time to waste? Here are the key threesome deets (you can bookmark the full guide and read it later):

• Don’t be shy… share your fantasies, listen to your lovers’ and decide on what you want to explore together.

• But stay safe and respectful: discuss boundaries and expectations beforehand, and pick a safe word.

• Start slow with extended foreplay: think massage, teasing touches, and taking time to explore each other's bodies. After all, who wants to rush a super hot group sex session?

• Try toys, and add lube: vary and intensify sensation by bringing in these playful add-ons. Lubricant, in particular, is a no–brainer when it comes to boosting everyone’s pleasure.

• Factor in feelings: a threesome is an intense experience. That’s partly why it’s so much fun! But that’s also why it’s important to take care of each other – before, during and after the session.

TLDR: two's company, but three's a party – as long as everyone’s having fun and feeling included.

A threesome is a sexy encounter involving three people – also known as a trio, ménage à trois or three–way. And you can tailor it to suit exactly what you and your lucky lovers are into. There are no rules when it comes to the mix of genders, the type of sex, or how the threesome comes about.

Having a threesome is an intensely personal thing – and not just because you’ll all be taking your kit off! To make sure your threeway is awesome and not awks, it’s important to figure out exactly what turns you on about the idea of group sex. That way, when the time comes, you’ll be more aligned with your partners about what you want.

For some people, it’s the voyeurism. Watching your partner be pleasured by someone else might feel incredibly steamy. If that’s what you’re both into, a threesome can actually strengthen your bond rather than threaten it – which can be an understandable worry for some people. Cuckolding (that’s when one of you ‘cheats’ with someone, while the other person watches) can deepen your connection too. Engaging in mock infidelity as roleplay is a reminder of the deep trust you have in each other not to cheat for real.

Threeways can also be fun because they offer an intensely stimulating sensory overload. All that massaging, kissing and fondling can be almost overwhelming… but in a good way.

There’s the novelty and variety that threesomes bring, too. If you’re a single person, a threeway could be just the thing if you’re looking for something more adventurous than the traditional two–person hook–up. Adding a third person to playtime with your partner can help you test the waters of ethical non–monogamy; that’s where both partners decide they want to have sex with other people, as well as each other.

Whatever your situation, and whatever turns you on about the idea of a threesome, enthusiastic consent and communication is key – always.

“It can sometimes seem like there are certain things you need to do to have a ‘proper’ threesome,” says Annabelle Knight, our resident sex and relationships expert. “But to have the best time in your ménage à trois, make sure you’re doing it in a way that works for you and your lovers. Once you’re all clear on what turns each of you on and off, and you’re excited to have some naughty fun together, anything goes!”

So, before we get into our practical top tips, let’s free you up by banishing some classic three-way myths:

All straight guys fantasize about FFM threesomes (that’s two ‘females’, one ‘male’)

In fact, there are lots of straight men who are open to a FMM scenario – and many who aren’t interested in threesomes at all. Sexual fantasies are very personal, and there’s no standard turn-on for any particular gender or orientation.

Threesomes have to involve penetrative sex

Nope! Threeways are all about pleasure, whatever that looks and feels like for everyone involved. Mutual masturbation, sensual touching, oral sex – these are all options, as well as penetration.

All threesomes involve a couple and a third

While bringing in someone else as part of an open relationship is common, three single people playing together can be just as enjoyable. As long as you all fancy each other, trust each other and feel comfortable communicating together, then you’re good to go!

Bringing up the topic of a threesome doesn't have to be awkward; with a bit of planning, you can even build it into some foreplay. If you're coupled up, start by watching some threesome porn scenes together and see how the conversation flows.

When you ask your partner if they’d be interested in a threesome, try to frame the question in a way that’s curious about their desires.*Think: "How would it feel to have two people completely focused on pleasuring you?" rather than "D’you reckon your mate Sarah would be up for sleeping with us?"

As for finding your missing puzzle piece (or pieces!), you've got options. Dating apps like Feeld and 3Fun are ideal places to look – lots of people are there for similar reasons, which can take the stress out of being open about what you’re looking for. Even regular dating apps like Tinder can work well if you're upfront in your bio about looking for ‘adventurous couples’ or ‘open–minded singles’.

Fancy finding people face-to-face instead, to see if you’ve got chemistry right away? Sex-positive meetups, sex parties or speed dating events can be goldmines for finding like-minded pleasure seekers. Just remember that not everyone at these events is necessarily looking for three-way fun, so read the room and respect boundaries.

“With three people – and three sets of turn-ons and turn-offs – in the mix, a good ménage à trois takes a little bit of prep,” says Annabelle. So let’s dive into how to make a three-way incredible for, well, all three of you:

Get reflective

Hear us out on this one. A big worry for some people when it comes to threesomes is that they’ll cause awkwardness, jealousy, and even potentially jeopardise your relationship. So if you’re exploring the idea of threesomes with your partner, take time to chat about it and make sure you’re both excited to try it – and that neither of you feels pressured into anything.

Do a chemistry test

Whether you’re planning to play with a third or two other singles, you need to check you all fancy each other first! Meet up for coffee or drinks to see if you’re into each other – and, just as importantly, if you feel comfortable being vulnerable around them. Great sex happens when you’re into each other and trust each other.

Decide who does what?

Will all three of you be fully involved, or is there someone who would rather just watch? Is experimenting with BDSM dynamics something you want to try? Having these conversations before you get started helps to prevent clumsy moves that could pull you out of the moment. So set boundaries and ground rules before you get started, and make sure you agree on a safe word so anybody can stop the session if they want to.

Protect yourselves and each other

To avoid STDs, use condoms for any penetration (making sure you change condoms between partners) and consider using dental dams for oral. Get tested, and check that your sexual partners have too. Check in with them throughout the session, to make sure you’re all feeling okay; pausing for a breather doesn’t need to break the flow. Stay turned on with gentle fondling and kissing until you’re all ready to go again.

Lube up!

One super simple way to be better at sex: just add lube! It’s not just for enhancing natural wetness; lubricant removes friction and intensifies the feeling of skin-to-skin contact. It makes foreplay and sex more comfortable and pleasurable – especially when there’s three of you in the mix!

Try some toys

Double-dildos and vibrating cock rings are great sex toys for couples that also work for threesomes. And, to make sure nobody feels left out during position changes, bullet vibrators are a handy option. These versatile toys are perfect for teasing erogenous zones if you’re up close and personal with one lover but still want to pleasure the other one at the same time.

Try light bondage

Cuffs or blindfolds can be a great addition if you want to bring in some sensation play. When you’re physically restrained or your sight is restricted, this can heighten sensations and build anticipation. Plus: letting your two lovers focus on pleasuring your body, with no idea what they’re going to do next, can be incredibly intense and intimate.

Learn a little somethin’

If you really want to bring your A-game, pick up some new skills before the session. Learning how to give a sensual massage or how to make a woman squirt could be a lot of fun – and helps to get another naughty playdate in the diary…

Share the love

Take time out for aftercare, even if your threeway is just a one-time thing – and especially if it’s someone in the trio’s first threesome. Group sex can be both emotionally and physically intense, so relaxing or cuddling together afterwards can help bring everyone comfortably back down to Earth.

Need some good threesome sex positions? Say no more. This trio are great go-tos if you and your lovers need a little inspiration…

Sources: Statistics cited in this article are from a Lovehoney survey with Appinio (March 2024), 1,000 respondents.