A Brief Guide to Threesomes

Data from a 2024 Lovehoney survey suggests that as many as two in five (40%) people in the UK have either had a threesome or want one, while a further 31% would be open to – or have had – an open relationship. Far from being a singleton’s dream, those who are married or in a civil partnership were more likely to be open to a threesome (43%) or open relationship (36%).

Lovehoney’s Sex & Relationships expert Annabelle Knight, says that introducing a third partner, or experimenting with multiple-person intercourse can be exciting, exhilarating and refreshing, but it can also create friction, doubt and insecurity if it’s not done right, or if it happens at a time that doesn’t feel comfortable for all parties involved.

With this in mind, here's Lovehoney's complete beginner's guide to everything you need to know about threesomes, from how to raise the topic with your partner, to what you must do to ensure you have the best time possible, and right down to which positions and techniques work best for your three-way (or more) sexual encounter.

Start With A One-to-One

If you'd like to try a threesome, then it’s a good idea to set time aside to talk about whether its an experience you would feel comfortable sharing with your partner.

The most common worry amongst partners is that it will cause friction, jealousy, and possibly jeopardise your current relationship, so take this time to discuss these worries and reassure them.

However, if after discussing it, one of you feels less inclined to think it’s the right decision for your relationship, then don't try and push the subject; badgering somebody to try something in the bedroom that they don't want to is more likely to damage your relationship than having a threesome is as it can be considered a disrespect to someone’s personal boundaries.

Set Boundaries

Make sure that you discuss your boundaries and limitations. This could include which acts you would feel comfortable doing, both with another person and with your partner, and what they'd feel comfortable with too. It's important that you stick to these boundaries within the heat of the moment, as otherwise, this could have unwanted repercussions later on.

Remember, boundaries aren’t just for you and your partner. Your third party, or any external partners should be included in these conversations later on too. Once you've found somebody who would like to hop into bed with the two of you, it's a good idea to strike conversation - maybe invite them for a drink or a coffee, and just get to know them a little. Find out who they are as a person, and what their interests are.

This isn’t always necessary, as lots of people choose not to engage with multiple external partners on such personal level, but in doing so – it also sets the perfect opportunity to discuss boundaries and expectations.

Whether you do this at a social meet first, or in the moments before your three-way encounter, finalise any ground rules you would like to have, including what sort of relationship you would like to have with them afterwards. Don't forget, although your relationship comes first, they are a person too, and should be treated with equal amounts of respect at all times.

The (Not-So-Bare) Necessities

Though it can seem boring, making sure that all three of you are properly prepared will make your whole experience much more relaxed and enjoyable. So, these are the three things that you must bear in mind before heading to bed.

• Likes and Dislikes: It's important to talk beforehand about what sex acts you're all comfortable doing, from kissing to anal sex, so that you can establish boundaries and rules. Remember, you'll only have fun if everybody is having fun.
• Protection: Yes, you've heard it before – condoms and all that jazz. But until you're comfortable sharing fluids with each other after getting tested and coming back clean, then be sure to use the right protection when switching between partners. It might seem like a hassle but it's so much easier than catching something nasty.
• Safety: Health issues such as asthma, seizure disorders and allergies are all things which kill a sexy mood, as well as being a scary experience for partners if they happen during sex. The best way to keep everybody safe and happy is to mention beforehand any conditions you might have that could potentially flare up, and the best way to help you if this happens; be sure to keep any medication such as asthma inhalers in a convenient and close place if you need them. It's always great to have a lover take your breath away, but maybe not so literally…

Plus, it's always handy to have a stash of well-fitting latex-free condoms anyway, as during sex is never the best time to find out that you or a partner have a latex allergy.

The Best Positions

Now that you're all prepared, it's time for the fun part! If threesomes become a regular part of your sex life, you need to get creative and experiment with new toys and positions, so here are a few of Lovehoney’s best sex positions that work well for multiple-partner intercourse.

So there we have it, a brief guide to threesomes and multiple-partner intercourse. There will never be ‘one sure way’ to enjoy sex with more than one person, each encounter will vary from the next and your experiences will be entirely your individual to you and your lovers. The only hard and fast rule to enjoying the best possible threesome or poly encounter is to ensure that everyone is heard, respected and considered – before, during and after the main event.

Check out some of our recommended best-selling toys to take your threesome experience to the next level.