How to Flirt

By definition, flirting is “behaving as though sexually attracted to somebody, but playfully rather than with serious intentions”. This might seem disingenuous, but it’s the perfect way to chat with someone you’re attracted to without committing to anything. It’s popular in the early stages of a relationship, such as on the first few dates, but even if you’re in a long-term relationship there’s always room for a bit of flirty banter to keep your relationship fun.

Eye contact

It’s often said that the eyes are the windows to the soul, and even if you’re not sure what to say, your eyes can be your most powerful weapon when it comes to flirting. Good eye contact shows attentiveness and interest, but don’t be too intense with it. Sip your drink, or even glance at their mouth for a second now and then, too, as it shows a flirty interest, and it breaks up looking directly at their eyes for too long, which can be a bit weird.

Smile!

Another non-verbal way of expressing a flirty interest, your smile is unique to you that you can show off to someone you’re interested in. Smiling shows warmth, and it makes the other person feel reassured - they’ll automatically feel like they’re doing something right. Flashing a grin can also transition into laughing if they make a joke, and lightly throwing your head back while laughing exposes your neck, another subliminal signal of flirtation.

Use genuine compliments

Everyone loves getting complimented, and when you’re trying to flirt with someone it’s a surefire way to make them feel good. But don’t just pick anything to compliment - as humans, we know when someone’s being disingenuous. Find something you genuinely like, whether it’s something they’re wearing or how they've done their hair, and make eye contact and smile while you’re doing it - it’s bound to make the other person feel amazing, and they’ll be sure to remember you as the person that complimented them.

Ask anyone who’s flirted with a man and they’ll tell you men are clueless at noticing when someone’s flirting with them. Whether that’s true or not, you still don’t want to come on too strong when flirting with a man, and the questions you ask reveal aspects of his personality that you might not have previously thought about. Here are some great questions to ask on a date, at a bar, or even on a dating app.

What makes you feel comfortable around someone?

Whether you’re a tough nut to crack or more of an open book, we all have qualities that we find comforting and reassuring in someone, and how he answers this question is a great tell on what attributes he values. It could be someone with a sense of humour, someone who’s unapologetically themselves, or someone who exudes confidence, and his answer will tell you a lot about the kind of people he likes to surround himself with. And if his answer pertains to qualities you have, you might be in with a shot.

What do you find most attractive in a partner?

Definitely more flirty, but a fantastic way of seeing what he’s into. Pay attention to whether he lists physical attributes, aspects of personality, or both - if he’s only listing things he likes about people’s looks, he might be a little shallow. On the other hand, if he’s listing things like confidence or a sense of humour, he’s more likely to fall for someone’s personality. Either way, if he’s smiling at you and making eye contact while he’s answering, it’s a good sign that he might be into you.

Men might be clueless when it comes to knowing when someone’s flirting with them, but anyone who’s tried to woo a woman will probably tell you the same thing. Of course, every woman is different, but if you want sparks to fly next time you’re chatting to a girl, give these questions a go.

What would your perfect weekend entail?

Again, this is a brilliant question to find out about her tastes, and also her hobbies. Whether she’s someone that loves hitting the gym or is a coffee shop-and-cake girl, her answer will tell you what she loves to do. If she like staying at home, she’s someone that values her independence and needs alone time to recharge, whereas if she’s always off on a night out, she clearly loves being social and spending time with her closest friends. You can keep her answer in mind for when you’re planning a romantic weekend further down the line!

If I could take you out right now, where would you want to go?

This undeniably lets her know you want to take her on a date but in a fun and flirty way. A lot of women love when a partner takes the initiative, so pay attention to her answer! It’ll also let you know what activities she might consider romantic - she might want to have a sunset picnic on the beach, go for an exciting dinner somewhere, or even hit up an arcade for some good, old-fashioned friendly competition. It’s also a great question to find out what you have in common with her, and leads to some great follow-up questions - for example, “When are you free?”

We live in a modern world, where dating apps are overtaking the not-so-subtle slide up to someone hot at a bar. Add into that a pandemic where we couldn’t see any potential (or actual) partners for months on end, and you’ve got a recipe for some network love. Flirting via text is just as important as flirting in person, particularly in the early stages of dating where you haven’t moved in together or can’t see each other every day, so here are some tips for tackling texting.

Ask genuine questions

It can be hard to know how to follow up after the basic “Hi, how are you?”. One way to get around this is to share what you’re up to - if you’re watching a movie, ask if they’ve seen it (and if they haven’t, you can tell them you’re more than happy to watch it again), or if you’re eating something delicious, ask them what their favourite home cooked meal is. If they’ve said they’ve been at work, ask what they love about their job, or what cool projects they’re working on at the moment - we spent a LOT of time working, so there’ll be plenty to talk about. It’s casual, but by showing you care about what they like and what they do, they’re sure to like how attentive you are.

Keep it positive

By its very nature, flirting is meant to be fun and light-hearted, so keep that mood up in your text flirting game. If they ask how your day was, and you had a dreadful day at work, spin it around by saying something like “I’m glad to be home, I’m going to chill for the rest of the evening.” Another cute thing to do is to send them pictures of something you think they’ll like - a “Hey, I saw this and thought of you” is an old trick, but one of the best in the book. By showing them you’re thinking about them and that you paid attention to them enough to associate them with something cool you saw, they’ll know you’re listening.

There’s no one-size-fits-all way of flirting, so it can be difficult to tell when someone’s putting the moves on. There are, however, some go-to tells that someone’s into you. Mirroring body language is often a dead giveaway, as are eye contact and compliments. Another one to look out for is to see if they’re stealing sneaky glances your way when nobody’s looking, or making an effort to laugh, even if your jokes are terrible. Sometimes, though, the best way to tell is to just ask if they’re interested in you - that way, you know exactly where you stand.