Anything but Dry: Sober Sex and Dating

As the reality of being back at work sets in (i.e. hits us like a tonne of bricks), you might relax by cracking open a bottle of wine or polishing off the last of the Christmas Baileys – we wouldn’t blame you!

That said, sobriety is on the rise – and our research suggests that the number of people having drunk sex is declining. If you ask us, January should be anything but dry, but that doesn’t mean drinking is on the agenda. In fact, there are a heap of benefits to removing alcohol from your sex life.

“This research shows a fascinating shift in how alcohol intersects with dating and relationships,” says Annabelle Knight, Lovehoney’s sex and relationships expert. “Gen Z are increasingly choosing alcohol-free dates and creative ways to meet people , from book clubs to ‘datercise’.”

This January, we’re teaming up with alcohol-free aficionados, CleanCo, to talk sober sex and dating. Find out how the generations approach drinking and dating – as well as where to try alcohol-free cocktails that actually taste sensational.

Is sex better when sober?

No matter how fondly you might remember the days of having tipsy one-night stands in your 20s, the nation agrees that sex is generally better when you're sober.

We asked people who’ve had both drunk and sober sex to recall their best experiences. 14% recall great sex while under the influence of alcohol – but more than half (53%) say that the best sex they’ve ever had was sober.

The worst news? As a result of asking this question, we also found out that 10% of female respondents have never had what they consider to be their ‘best sex ever’, as well as 6% of the male cohort. To those people: our condolences – and check out our better sex guides!

We also asked a series of questions comparing the experience of sober and drunk sex, with the following results:

Overall, sober sex is looking more satisfying, since people are more likely to enjoy the experience, feel connected to their partner, and even orgasm.

Despite foreplay being more likely when sober, people said they were more likely to use sex toys when drunk! There was also a gender split on asking what a partner wants or likes, with female respondents more inclined to ask when they’re drunk. Male respondents were more likely to ask when sober.

Clearly, our inhibitions when sober still impact our sex lives, even though sober sex is generally considered better. Don’t be afraid to talk to your partner about sex or toys – communicating openly and exploring new sensations together can be a bonding experience that deepens your connection and improves your sex life.

How compatible are ‘sip gap’ relationships?

You might have dated someone who drinks a lot more or less than you – for some people it’s a nonissue. But 16% of people in the UK – and 19% of Gen Z – have actually broken up with a partner because of alcohol.

So, what’s the preferred approach to drinking? 22% of people want a partner who only drinks on special occasions, while 16% said they’d prefer a partner who doesn’t drink at all.

42% said they’d want a partner to drink the same amount as them, which is understandable, since you might feel more comfortable and connected to a partner who has similar attitudes to you. But some people are open to – or even prefer – a 'sip gap’ relationship, where one partner drinks more or less than the other.

In fact,16% would want a potential match to drink less than them. Gen Z are the most likely to be in a ‘sip gap’ relationship, since 13% want a partner who drinks more than them and 17% want a partner who drinks less.

Liquid courage vs. sober confidence

You often hear about drinking to gain ‘liquid’ or ‘Dutch’ courage, but what about sober confidence? The assumption that you need alcohol to muster the courage to initiate sex is (excuse the pun) old fashioned.

Turns out, more people feel confident initiating sex when they’re sober! That’s right: 40% said they’d feel more confident when sober, compared to 21% who’d rather be tipsy. The primary reasons were: ‘feeling in control of decisions’ (38%), ‘trust in the other person’ (38%), ‘knowing consent is clear and mutual’ (35%), and ‘clear communication’ (35%).

Similarly, nearly three quarters of respondents (73%) prefer to meet new people when they’ve not drunk any alcohol, suggesting we care more about coming across well than lowering our inhibitions.

However, 39% of people said they’d prefer alcohol to be available on a first date, compared to 36% who say the opposite. As you might expect, most people drink on dates to ‘calm the nerves’ (60%) – although sometimes it’s purely because of where the date is located (24%).

“This research shows a fascinating shift in how alcohol intersects with dating and relationships,” says Annabelle Knight, sex and relationships expert at Lovehoney. “While some people still feel more confident on a first date with a drink, many are clearly valuing sober connections, particularly when it comes to initiating intimacy.”

If you’d rather not drink on a date, you could choose activities that don’t involve alcohol – such as walking around the park with a takeaway coffee or meeting up at your local climbing wall. For something more romantic, find a cosy spot for an alcohol-free cocktail that tastes like the real thing (without the hangover). Discover our favourite ‘Anything But Dry’ cocktail spot below!

A new era of dating?

These days, single women would rather meet a potential partner at a book club (10%) than a nightclub (9%). As explored in our Twenty Twenty Sex Trends Report, the era of picking someone up at ‘the club’ is all but over, thanks to a dwindling interest in one-night stands and the slow death of the UK club scene.

“In a world where so much of our interaction happens through a screen, it’s hardly surprising that people are now craving genuine human connection,” says Annabelle. “Analogue dating is a bit of rebellion against digital fatigue.” The same might be said of sober dating, which can feel more conducive to finding a partner rather than a one-night stand.

Even ‘datercise’, i.e. going on a date that involves physical exercise, could become more popular than hooking up on a night out, with as many millennials hoping to meet the love of their life at run club (11%) as at a night club (11%). However, Gen Z are the most likely to have actually tried datercise (15%), which reflects an overall trend away from alcohol-oriented dates.

‘Going for a drink at a pub or bar’ ranked only 7th on the list of Gen Z’s favourite date activities. Instead, Gen Z daters prefer:

1. A meal in a restaurant (39%)

2. Cinema (36%)

3. Cooking together (31%)

4. Going for a coffee (29%)

It’s clear that liquid courage is optional for Gen Z, since most of these date activities happen in locations that aren’t centred around alcohol. However, despite many Gen Zs choosing sobriety, this age group is still slightly more inclined to want to drink on a first date – 43% say they prefer alcohol to be available, compared to 36% who say they’d rather it wasn’t.

‘Anything But Dry’ cocktail launch

Giving up drinking can have all kinds of benefits – from better sleep to less ‘hangxiety’. But when you love a tipple, overly sweet mocktails rarely hit the spot.

That’s why we’ve partnered with CleanCo, the drinks company that crafts alcohol-free spirits that bring all the flavour and satisfaction of their counterparts – without the downsides of drinking alcohol. At Lovehoney, wetter is always better and, with CleanCo, going sober feels anything but dry!

From 17th January to 14th February, you can find a limited-time-only ‘Anything But Dry’ cocktail menu at Bluebird in Chelsea, featuring alcohol-free CleanCo spirits. Expect deliciously spicy spins on all the classics. Take your date, or message your group chat, and plan a great night out that won't leave you feeling all dried out the next day.

Sources:

Research conducted by Censuswide for Lovehoney, among a sample of 2000 nationally representative consumers (18+) (‘Brits’). The data was collected between 31.12.2025 - 05.01.2025. Censuswide abides by and employs members of the Market Research Society and follows the MRS code of conduct and ESOMAR principles. Censuswide is also a member of the British Polling Council.