J&D's Baconlube Bacon Flavoured Lubricant 57ml

I usually say that I hate flavoured lubes because usually flavoured lubes are rank fake berry cloying sugary liquid death. The only time my partner and myself have struck upon one that appealed to us both was the - sadly discontinued - cake flavoured versions as they weren't quite so sickly. As a dedicated lover of bacon in all its forms I was determined to give this a try as soon as I saw it was to be released for real. Unfortunately, at the time it could only be shipped from America at extortionate shipping costs. Luckily Lovehoney have picked it up so those of us on this side of the customs barrier can revel in meaty debauchery.

The bottle is simple with just a single sliver of bacon to make it stand out. I did find that the flip-top was a little stiff, as was the bottle itself when trying to squeeze some out - although this latter flaw actually works out well because it does have a tendency to flow out rather quickly so you don't want to squeeze too hard.

People had raved about the authentic smell so of course as soon as the seal was off I had to have a whiff. The initial smell wasn't all that strong but there was a definite aroma of bacony goodness. It smelled a little smoky but with a much smoother lighter note than the usual frying pan offerings. During use, as body heat and natural goo combined with it, the smell of freshly cooked bacon did become much stronger. It also clung to any toys I used with it, meaning they required a more intensive cleaning. Nothing was permanently baconised but they did need a bit of a scrub compared to normal.

Smell is second only to taste in all things bacon and here again I was surprised how mild it was. It was a lot sweeter than I'd imagined it would be. The main thought that came to mind was unsmoked bacon slathered in syrup: meaty and piggy but with that maple-sweetness instead of crackly saltiness. Despite a mild oily texture on the tongue, if a lot was applied it was less offensive to my palate than most un-flavoured lubes and certainly an improvement over the standard berries and cherries saccharine-fests. I don't think I'd actively seek to slather everything lickable in this but as a novelty it's enjoyable enough to want to bring out again.

As a lube I found it to be a lot thinner than most water-based lubes and it would start to get sticky after a few minutes. Wetting it refreshed it a little. I assume that's because it's intended for constant oral proximity so as long as you're keeping it wet it'll stay slick no bother.

As someone who's rather sensitive if I left it to dry in before washing I'd get a bit irritated. Not a full-blown rash but fairly itchy and uncomfortable. Even that faded after a few hours but it does seem like for those who are easily irritated this isn't something to just rub in and leave. During use, and as long as I had a quick wash shortly after playing, there was no reaction whatsoever, so whatever makes it go funny when it dries isn't a problem while it's wet.

Overall, it's not something I'd use every day either solo or with my (rather less enthusiastic) partner. But it is fun and fit for purpose so it will see some action when the meat-lust kicks in.

Baconlube comes in a small, clear plastic squeeze bottle inside a cardboard box. Both box and bottle have "Baconlube" written fully down the side in white text and are also sparsely decorated with rashers of bacon. It's not a product that you can get away with if you want to be discreet, but I don't know if discretion is what you look for when you're buying a lubricant that smells like meat.

You get 57ml in a bottle for £9.99, which makes it one of the pricier water-based lubricants, but since it is designed to be a limited-run product, that can be expected. The bottle is a decent size and, because it's clear, it's easy to see when you're about to run out of your precious baconated liquid.

The bottle has a flip-top lid that is easy to open, but I found actually getting the lube out slightly harder. It's viscous enough/the lid is clever enough that it doesn't just drip out of the bottle when you tip it (which some will find a pro and others con), so you have to squeeze the bottle, which is perhaps slightly too stiff for that. It's not too bad now, but I imagine when I get near the end of the bottle I'll need to be outright taking the lid off and waiting for it to pour.

Its consistency is fairly runny and liquid and drips down my hand at quite a rate, being only a little slower than water. To compare it to other lube I own, I'd say it's not quite as runny as Wet Naturals but certainly a lot less gel-like than Durex Play. It spreads nicely and is not too sticky, but did start to get tacky after a little while. After using it on Crush, his erection was rather sticky, which wasn't brilliant. It's probably something you're going to need to reapply fairly often if you're someone who needs/prefers good lubrication or if you're using it anally.

Ingredients-wise, it is free of parabens (there is some evidence that these are harmful), but it does contain glycerine, which some people prefer to avoid since (being a sugar) there is a potential to aggravate yeast infections in some users. This means it isn't in the top-tier of natural and hypoallergenic lubricants, but I can say I've had no problems with any yeast infections from using this lube thus far. Since it's water-based it's safe to use on silicone toys and since it's vegan it's not just for carnivores!

But this is all just foreplay. What does it taste like?

There's good news and bad: it tastes and smells broadly of bacon. The problem is that word "broadly". Could I be confused into thinking I was licking liquid bacon (get on it, science)? No. Is it at least bacony? Yes. Straight from the bottle it smells a little over-sweet and not particularly bacon-like. During and after use, however, the meatiness of the bacon comes through. I used it with Crush and halfway through sex I suddenly noticed the strong meaty, savoury smell in the air. It was slightly surreal.

Taste-wise, signs are less good. Whether straight from the bottle or plastered on a lover's body, it tastes rather like the slightly sickly sweetness of quite a lot of lubricants, but with a baconish edge. There's definitely bacon there somewhere, but it's not the main taste. I slicked down Crush's penis with it and tried it from his body, but that only seemed to make it even less baconlicious. When Crush tried it out on my breasts, he said it was too sickly to really keep at it for very long. He is fussier than me, though, and I found it generally tolerable, if not nearly as nice as some other flavoured lubes.

Let's face it though, is it really about whether it's super bacony or the best lubricant ever? It's a decent enough lube and most of them have some downside or another. It even tastes pretty bacony for something designed for you to have sex using. And there's just that bacon charm to it. It's a somewhat kitsch thing. It's the kind of lube you could imagine someone owning ironically. It's a novelty. But it's a novelty that actually works.

It's not the most bacontastic thing ever, but I'm pretty proud just to own a bottle and I think it's possible the sexy, and somewhat good-humoured, bacon lover in your life (it might even be you) might be pretty pleased too. And frankly, the thing I love most about Baconlube is that they even made it at all. Some guys looked at bacon and went, "You know what? People could do each other while covered in this" and that man was a genius.

It's a great concept, it's a fun gift and it's a fairly standard lube if you don't expect that gourmet bacon taste.