Why Am I So Horny? The Causes of High Libido

Ever wondered why we get in the mood? Here are the biological, scientific and physical reasons why people get horny and what to do when you’re horny

Listen, we need to start by saying that there is no normal level of libido. And there are multiple factors that can influence how horny or not horny we may be feeling. These change from day to day, month to month and year to year, but they can also change in a split second.

What does being horny feel like?


Horny is a word we use when we’re feeling aroused. This can look different to different people but usually results in us feeling like we want to engage in sex or masturbation.

Horny can feel like tingling genitals, a mind filled with racy thoughts of sex and sex acts, a faster heartbeat and breathing, perspiring, and becoming wet, moist and engorged in your nether regions.

For people with penises, this can look like an erection or a semi-erection. For people with clitorises and vulvas, this can look like a fuller, perhaps more juicy genital area. This is because of blood flow rushing to the area to prepare the body for sex, even if you’re not planning on having any.

How to make yourself horny

There are a few ways to make yourself horny, but what we all must remember is that sex starts in the brain. This means that when we start thinking about sex, we start preparing the body for sex too. So whether you’re listening to erotic literature or just thinking about a really great experience you’ve had, both will help you become more aroused.

However, sometimes we just aren’t feeling it, so nothing should ever be forced. Remember that if you’re hitting a bit of a block, take a break, get some rest and make sure all your mental and physical health needs are being met as best as possible.

In some instances it can be difficult to make yourself horny - for instance, if you’re taking SSRI anti-depressants. Don’t be hard on yourself if your interest in sex diminishes. There are plenty of other ways to feel pleasure without relying on masturbation or partnered sex. But we’ll get into that a little later.

Why do I feel hornier than usual?

There are so many things that can make us feel hornier than usual. Here’s why you might be feeling more arousal than you're used to:

1. Warm Weather

Warm weather, bouts of prolonged sunshine and spending time outdoors increases our dopamine and serotonin production. So, with an influx of happy hormones running through or system, it’s easy to see how the ‘feel-good’ can lead to feeling reeeaaally good.

2. High self-esteem

When we feel good about ourselves and confident in our bodies, our desire to engage in pleasureful sex with others and ourselves increases. Feeling desirable + body confidence = a good, horny time.

3. Hormones

If you have periods, you’re likely to go through cycles of feeling extra horny. Hormones have a high impact on libido. Right before the ovulation part of your cycle, known as the proliferative phase, you’ll experience surges in oestrogen as your womb lining begins to thicken in time for a potential fertilised egg to implant. We know, horny stuff. But during this time you’re likely to experience heightened desire for sex, masturbation and other forms of foreplay, like dirty talk or taking naked selfies. This is all completely normal and healthy, so enjoy it.

What to do when you’re horny


If you find yourself at the behest of a horny moment, there are plenty of ways to satisfy yourself. From masturbation to reading or listening to erotica. There’s also a trove of ethical porn to uncover, from subscription-based services like only fans, to PPV (pay-per-view) sites like Erica Lust Cinema and Cheex.

And, just in case you hadn’t noticed, we sell a whole bunch of sex toys. So if you’re reading this and feeling a little tingle, you know what to do…

Try audio porn

Listen, we know that it might feel a little awkward, but listening to erotica and audio porn is a really great alternative if you find watching pornography a little bit much. It places your imagination firmly front and centre, so who knows the depths of pleasure you might reach?

There are apps, such as Kama and Lustery, which provide stunningly narrated audio-porn. Perfect if you need to lock out the rest of the world in a pair of noise-cancelling headphones and focus entirely on your pleasure.

Create a masturbation routine

Whether it's for relaxation, pleasure, fun or as part of a sleep-hygiene routine, setting a masturbation schedule shouldn’t be sniffed at. Especially if you’re finding it hard to limit masturbation or if you're struggling with libido.

Start by choosing the time of day you’re most likely to be able to commit to on a consistent basis. This will make it easier to build habits and focus on an hour, maybe two - or even just half an hour, depending on your schedule.

Then think about how your ideal masturbation routine should look. From the reasons you want to masturbate, to the type of orgasm you want to create, and the reason behind needing this routine in the first place. Perhaps you need a little confidence shake-up to reconnect with your body, to sleep better, for pain relief (yes orgasms really are that powerful), for meditation or reflection - or to relieve frustrations, enjoy fantasy and explore new pleasure possibilities.

Once you have this in place, organise your schedule to accommodate this, and remember that this time is for you and your body to connect and enjoy some no-pressure fun. Don’t worry about placing orgasm and climax at the centre of the experience. Take your time and find what feels good for you. And if it turns out that climaxing once or maybe even twice and thrice isn’t a problem, this time will be something you can look forward to on a daily or weekly basis.

Remember that masturbation is not only totally normal but is entirely healthy.

Give yourself an erotic massage

Erotic massage is great between couples, but it’s also pretty fantastic when you’re going it alone. And just in case you weren’t sure, this is one surefire way to get horny, all by yourself.

Start by choosing a stunning massage-cum-lube oil, so if you decide to take the massage into masturbation, the product is safe and won't damage you or any toys you bring into the mix. Then, once you’ve prepared your body, maybe with a hot bath or by creating a comfortable room with scented candles, start massaging. Try soft touch to begin with, on arms and legs, then move to breasts or chest, increasing pressure where you want to feel held. Work your way to your genitals and use broad strokes, continual pressures and gentle squeezing. While you’re doing this, be sure to keep in contact with the rest of your body, your thighs, hips, stomach and feet. Take your hands on a journey across your body and find tenderness and appreciation for the time you’re taking to experience such an intimate and meaningful experience.

How to stop feeling horny

shower sex

We get it. Being horny isn’t always super convenient. Especially if you have an erection that's hard to hide. Masturbation is an obvious solution to this, but if you’re not in the mood for masturbation there are other avenues you can take to help the feeling subside.

Take a cold shower - it’s great for circulation and is proven to help reduce horniness. The shock to the body will help to calm the horniness and push you towards a more mellow state of mind.

But, if you’re feeling any shame or guilt towards arousal, remember that it is a perfectly normal part of being human. And one of the best ways to unlearn some of the feelings you may be harbouring towards masturbation and horniness is to take the time to learn about healthy sexual practices. You may be surprised to learn just how much there is waiting to be discovered, from vanilla to kink, fetish and more. It’s all A-okay.

However, if you’re finding yourself in distress or there are thoughts that feel intrusive, book in with your GP to discuss them. There’s nothing wrong with asking for help. You may find that the thoughts you’re having are completely normal. And if there’s something else happening, you’ll be in the right place to receive the right support.

Just remember that you are not always in control of your mind. Unconscious thoughts pass through them on a daily basis, and they can include sex sometimes (or regularly). Don’t dismiss them and keep an eye on how you feel. But most of all, enjoy yourself.

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