Frankly, we're distraught. Last December, Jonathan Ross featured our iBuzz Two music-activated vibrator, having a good old giggle for a couple of minutes describing how couples can get jiggy with the iPod attachment.
We'd have thought this might lead to a few complaints from Disgusted of Tunbridge Wells, giving us more fuel to pour on our publicity fire. But did anyone object to 120 seconds of sex toy demonstration? No.
But they did write in to complain about Jonathan Ross describing Nigella Lawson as a MILF. Which is weird - because if you know what the acronym means, why would you be upset by it? And if you don't know what it means, you wouldn't be upset...
Hold your breath during sex and you may as well not bother trying to orgasm at all...
Nobody likes interrupting a long licking session to shave those nasty artificial lube flavours off their tongue. If licking's turned to gurning for you one too many times, check out what this Orgasm Army reviewer has to say about the natural taste and long-lasting slippery fun of Sliquid Swirl Flavoured Lubricant!
The most fabled porn move of them all!
'Let's pretend we're authority figures, bourgeois neurotics, juvenile delinquent and welfare officer, arresting officer with clipboard and handcuffs, personality sex offender and victim turned accomplice. We are aroused by language over touch. This isn't a skin-on-skin affair and I don't think we've even seen each other naked. This is not about bodies.' All of which makes Leonie Martel's The Private Undoing of a Public Servant a very different erotic novel indeed, marrying the usual fem-dom paraphernalia of butt plugs, bondage, lashing and cross-dressing to the tale of a cabinet minister's downfall at the hands of an uncompromising pervert.
Spotted in the Metro last Monday - Giant Homer in fertility dance. To promote the new Simpsons movie, publicists painted a giant Homer waggling a donut - or something donut-shaped - next to the clay outline of the famously erect Cerne Abbas giant in Dorset. Given its proximity to the Cerne Abbas cock, you'd be forgiven for taking this for a Universal Pump Seal, ready to give the lusty giant an extra-tight grip when he uses his favourite penis pump. Although with a cock like that, does he really need one? Typical Homer. Doh!
A waterproof, travel friendly vibe that packs one hell of a punch.
If you can't keep Mike Myers' wonky-toothed superspy out of your mind when you're having sex, or you wept into your pillow all night when the cocktus didn't win our Design Your Own Sex Toy Competition, don't fret! Help is at hand with the Toy Joy Shagadelic Vibrator - even if it is a bit pink for this particular Orgasm Army reviewer. Shag now or shag later?
Anal sex can be scary if you haven't done it before, but it is even scarier for your partner if you have tried it and they haven't. Here's some ways to encourage them to give anal play a go...
Who needs Oil of Olay when you can rub-a-dub with a Good Vibrations Large Massage Bar, straight from the caring hands of the San Francisco company with thirty years of sexpertise behind them? Not this slippery Orgasm Army customer, although we don't recommend you eat too much of it, even if it does taste goooood!