So I know what you're thinking. "Boy, McBirdie, I bet your evenings are glamorous affairs, full of excitement, prestige, and sexiness - you are, after all, a Sex Toys Blogger, and they are by nature a glamorous peoples."
Peeps, I'm afraid I'm going to have to disappoint you. In reality, I have spent the past couple of hours or so squishing the unbelievably soft balls attached to the Japanese Motorised Control Cock and seeing how well he wears a French Tickler. I can tell you that he wears it quite handsomely - like he is proud of his wee spiky cap - but also that if you're going to enjoy him, hat and all, you better do it within the first hour as he starts to eat through the condom bottom of the Tickler. Silicone toys, dontchaknow. But now I can tell you how many different ways you can use the Control Cock, so the evening was well spent.
Ever wonder how Black Lace started out? As part of their fifteenth anniversary, they're reprinting some of the most popular books in the series - including the very first, Fredrica Alleyn's Cassandra's Conflict.
If the thought of getting your hands on this classic erotic novel hasn't got you planning how to use the Original Supersex Love Lube we're giving away free with the book during April, the following extract from Fredrica's novel is guaranteed to get you going.
The story so far: Cassandra's playing a game, and the golden rule is that she's not allowed to come. Easier said than done when you're subjected to this kind of erotic torture:
Sex, drugs... but no rock'n'roll. Still, there's more than enough of the first two to satisfy anyone's tastes in Fredrica Alleyn's Cassandra's Conflict, the Lovehoney Erotic Book Club Book of the Month for April - and the first Black Lace book ever published!
You'd be a fool to miss this offer of a free bottle of Original Supersex Love Lube 150ml, worth £4.99, when you buy the book during April - and don't forget to discuss it with other erotic fiction fans in the Erotic Book Club forums.
A house in Hampstead. Present-day. Behind a facade of cultured respectability lies a world of decadent indulgence and dark eroticism.
Cassandra's sheltered life is transformed when she gets employed as governess to the Baron's children. He draws her into games where lust can feed on the erotic charge of submission. Games where only he knows the rules and where unusual pleasures can flourish.
Share your thoughts on Cassandra's Conflict in the Erotic Book Club Discussion Forum - there'll be lots of lively debate.
Don't forget: you'll get a free bottle of Original Supersex Love Lube 150ml, worth £4.99, when you buy the book during April.
Here are some questions to think about while you're reading the book...
Time and again, Orgasm Army manages to answer any and all sex toy questions that users throw at them. This time, itomcat wants to know about nipple suckers:
"Has anyone had much play with rubber suckers or similar. Are they good / painful for nipples?"
Private Lick had reviewed the Pink Nipple Suckers shown in the picture and definitely gives them two thumbs up:
If you're horny and single or even looking for a bit extra while you're in a relationship, using a male sex toy for masturbation is a lot better than the tired 'five finger shuffle' and getting your hands messy.
If you've never thought about buying a sex toy to aid masturbation, Fleshlights are perfect for pleasuring you with a realistic feel for monstrous orgasms.
Figuring out which Fleshlight insert is right for you depends on several factors, including the size of your penis, the type of sensation you want to experience, the opening that you want to penetrate and even your colour preference.
Take your time to consider the wide variety of Fleshlight inserts - they all offer something different. And when you've enjoyed one, you can always come back and choose another!
Ever since that episode of Sex And The City made the orgasmic power of the Rabbit Vibrator world-famous, women have been enjoying better orgasms than ever before.
Us men, though, have been left on the masturbatory sidelines, struggling through with jars of Vaseline and the odd old sock.
Just not fair, is it?
No more! The Fleshlight male masturbator does for men what the rabbit vibrator did for women.
Having sex with a Fleshlight is like nothing you've ever tried before. The Fleshlight delivers amazingly powerful orgasms for men thanks to its unique design and patented material.
Top 5 reasons for buying a Fleshlight today...
90% of first-time Fleshlight buyers start with the original Pink Lady Fleshlight and then love it so much that they move on to buy an extra Fleshlight insert (or three) for different sensations.
Here's our full guide to the different Fleshlight insert styles and the enjoyment that you can expect from them.
You don't have to buy an additional Fleshlight case with your insert - you can take the insert out of the case you already have.
If you're skipping buying a complete Fleshlight and the Fleshlight insert is your first purchase, then you will need to buy a case to go with it.
It isn't often that I hear from the Real Workers at Lovehoney about what products they use at home, but when I get an email from Ruth the Magnificant saying:
"Ooh, if you're looking for products to blog about, the Dinky Pink Bullet is stunning. Yes I've tried one, yes I love it - and no, I'm not surprised that everyone else loves it too. They should give these out with National Insurance Cards!"
...I figure I should pay attention. I've never been a huge fan of bullets - what can I say, I do think size matters - but when I read reviews that claim that this one packs a big boy's punch, I might just have to change my mind. Seven reviews and five stars? Holy gamoley, people are loving this dinky little mighty mouse: