Hi fun4forties and welcome to the forums. I am in a loving dom/sub relationship and I love to be spanked – lol. You can use your hand or a paddle - just make sure you take the time to build up the intensity. A great starter paddle which I have is this one as it has 2 sides - one softer and one firmer so you can alternate between a more buffered spank from the satin side and a more intense sensation from the leather side:
http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=21800
Communication is very important so that you know when you are ready for more - or if you need to slow down. Floggers are great too - but again always start slowly and build up the intensity. This is a great starter flogger as it is not too intense and is a good length but can also be built up to a lovely strong sensation - it also feels amazing being dragged over the skin:
http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=19605
I have lots of different gags, metal o-ring, ball-gag, bit gag and a stuffer one. I would say the metal o-ring gags are quite intense, as you cannot bite down like you would with a rubber ball gag and they get uncomfortable quickly. So maybe get a rubber ball gag or a bit gag to start with.
I have these and they are both really great :
http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=17094
http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=28269
You do get jaw ache with most gags, so best to limit to 5 mins to start with and build up from there. The bit gag I have listed however is more comfortable for longer periods as your mouth is not open so wide, but is hard plastic, so you cannot bite down too much.
I would also definitely recommend the LH Deluxe Magic Wand - it is amazing!!
Also, as Wildcherry has pointed out safe-words are very important. It takes a huge amount of trust from both partners when you are tied up or in a vulnerable position. Safe words don’t mean that you don’t trust your partner. They are there to protect you both on a physical and emotional level.
I personally use the traffic light system. GREEN to let my Husband know that I am comfortable to continue - especially during a new activity or something which is more daring.
AMBER means ‘slow down’ or ‘I’m close to my limit’ and RED means ‘all play stops immediately’.
I hope this helps Hun :) xx