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  1. Anal help

    Manchy [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 1
    • Joined: 11 Oct 2013

    Embarrassed really to post this but my hubby really wants anal but I find it just hurts what's the best way to do it ie best relaxers ect xxxx

    kc. [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 281
    • Joined: 10 Jan 2010

    Plenty of lube to start with. I would suggest that he starts with some digital penetration so that you can get used to the idea of having something there. When he does start with his penis then he needs to be gentle and not go banging away, well certainly not at first.

    It will over time and I would say quite a short period of time because easier but it is important to be lubed, oiled up, after all the vagina naturally secretes a lubricant for an obvious reason, to reduce friction.

    It is not going to be for everyone but after 'discovering' it fifteen years ago with my wife I can say that as a bloke I love it but also my wife finds it to be an amazing experience. There will be a degree of discomfort to start but if it gets painful then I would say take a minute, relax and start again. I know that my wife said it was a bit uncomfirtable to start but she got used to it and as I say loves it now to the extent that it is very much like vaginal sex and not at all uncomfortable.

    I also think that relaxing is so much in the mind.

    Hope the two of you can get to fully experience the amazing sexual joy of anal.

    DavidB1986 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1876
    • Joined: 11 Feb 2009

    Hi Manchy,

    First of all, welcome to the forum.

    Anal sex is something where everyone has their own preference and way of doing things. For beginners, the most important thing is to TAKE IT SLOWLY. The anal passage is a very delicate area and must be treated with utmost respect.

    Step 1: Preperation.

    If you feel comfortable to explore anal play, you may wish to consider a little cleaning down there. There is a lot of controversy as to whether 'douching' has any real benefit, other than instilling a sense of confidence. We all know it's a 'dirty' place, but after a bowel movement, the lower colon is usually very clean - so a shower before hand, and washing the area with just some warm water would usually be sufficient. If you wish to go a bit further and clean a bit more internally, then may I recommend the Basix Anal Douche (http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=952). It's perfect for beginners as it's nozzle is small. Carefully fill the douche with warm (but not hot, or cold) water. Never use any kind of soap, as these can cause irritation and discomfort. Do not overdo it, as you risk flushing out all of the good stuff in your gut that helps keep your colon happy and healthy. Check the video here for more information about Douching (http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/sex-toys/anal-sex-toys/buyers-guide/how-to-use-an-anal-douche/)

    Step 2: Lubrication/De-sensitizing

    I cannot stress the importance of a good lube enough. A good anal lube should be relatively thick, as this makes entry smooth. There are many good anal lubes available, and a good one that I use is Sliquid (http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=13181) - but use whatever you feel comfortable with. With regards to de-sensitizing/numbing - i'm on the side of the fence says that don't do it, unless you do find it really painful. The trouble with numbing gels is that if you use too much or don't use it correctly, you can end up doing more damage as you can't feel what's going on (believe me, I found this out the hard way! Having to sit on a rubber ring in the office for a week was no laughing matter!). But if you feel it might help, then you can find lubes that have a slight numbing effect that might make it easier for you. But this leads me on to the next step.

    Step 3: Start SLOWLY and small

    You certainly don't want to start with anything bigger than a finger. Your body will naturally want to stop things from going up there, and if you force anything too big up there, you will be in agony (again, I speak from experience). The best thing to do, is to first of all, make sure there is lots of foreplay. You want to be completely relaxed and aroused. If you are anxious, nervous, uncomfortable, then it will be a painful (and regrettable) experience. Start off with a nice bath, then maybe have him give you a nice all over body massage with a nice sensual oil. When you feel ready, have him apply some lube to the area and begin by just slowly teasing the area. Make sure he doesn't go full insertion straight away, just take it slowly. Gradually, let him work his finger all the way in. And then let that be it. Like with many things, Anal requires alot of patience and for lack of a better word, 'training'. Once you feel comfortable with fingers, you may want to consider a butt plug. These are a little bit bigger than a finger, but still smaller than a penis or a dildo. You can begin by letting him put it in you, whilst he pleasures you orally to help enhance the sensations. Again, don't rush it, take it slow. After a few sessions like this, the area will become more receptive, meaning you can start to go for something bigger.

    Step 4: Remain in control at all times.

    The best position for starting anal (for most people) is with you on top. This allows you to control how deep he goes. I personally recommend this to anyone. I had an all to terrifying experience where I was not in control and I was injured and it wasn't fun! Trust me! Slowly lower yourself onto him - if it hurts - stop. Allow yourself to relax and then continue. If this proves to be comfortable, then you can try other positions. Doggy is also a good position, and allows for clitoral stimulation (I guess the only way I can describe it is a 'reach around' if he was to hold a vibrator a massager against the clitoris as he's inside you).


    Don't rush into it all at once. You need to make sure you are prepared, comfortable and if at any point anything hurts, stop immediately. Anal sex can be an amazingly intimate experience for all parties, but it requires trust, communication and patience.

    I'm sure other members will probably have other good ideas and tips as well, and i've probably missed something, but remember - everyone has their own way and knows what feel good for them - the best thing to do is to experiment, but take it slowly and carefully.

    I wish you the best of luck!


    [suspended user]

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    • Joined: 12 Sep 2010

    All great advice. Lube,lube & more lube. Try small but plugs and fingers over a few Weeks until
    you get used to the idea. I personally would not advice any desensitising of any sort. If it hurts you need to know you don't want to injure yourself. Remember if it's not for you don't be forced into it.

    KinkyFuckery [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2736
    • Joined: 10 Jul 2012

    Best advice I have take it nice and slow , lube lube lube , start off small and dont get eyes bigger than your belly .

    LH have a great buyers guide -http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/sex-toys/anal-sex-toys/

    I started off with http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=13085

    Then got a butt plug so you are used to slipping something inside you - http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=16053 or you could buy a kit and work your way up - http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=3539

    I then got a douche - http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=952 dead easy to use and simple and makes you clean esp when your using bigger toys as I worked my way up to an anal dildo to get to used to the fact that he will be inside me - http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=16726

    Then I brought http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=17072 to get fill what it will be like,

    Honestly try it slow if you enjoy it you enjoy it its not for everyone, dont put any pressure on yourself slow and lube it taken me about 6 months to work my way up, just taken it at my own pace.

    Kasey [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 326
    • Joined: 2 Sep 2013

    David and KF have it right on the money.

    Time, Lube, more time and more lube.

    Take it as slowly as you want/need

    Also- avoid desensitisers until you are used to anal. If it hurts, it hurts for a reason, and you should probably take it back down a notch.


    [suspended user]

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    Hi Casey your up late. I agree totally with you

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