• Introduction to Male Chastity

    1249989640
    m3nf [sign in to see picture]
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    CB-Man wrote:

    m3nf wrote:

    I guess it more of the worry it could be a month or even more lol, my wife could have a bad time, but like you have said the idea of keys each would stop this worry, and why i feel more towards opening this as a option to try with. :)

    The other option we have used is not to use the lock, and use a small plastic cable tie instead. This then makes you think twice before cutting it off.

    lol yes that is also a great idea, and one i looked at yesterday, i spotted a locking system that need to be cut, showing my moments of weakness to my wife.

    1249991280
    CB-Man [sign in to see picture]
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    You will find that there is a certain amount of 'bedding' in of these devices and especially the the CB3000. There are the different ring sizes as well as the spacers to get right. The other thing to remember is that it is not 100% secure - I am quite small when placid and I could pull out of the CB3000 if I wanted to. As I read on one site - if Houdini could escape from the bottom of a water tank wrapped in chains, then getting out of a chastity device is possible if you really want.

    For me it is a sign of my commitment and I have vowed to my wife that I will not play with myself without her consent. There is no way that I could have been locked up for any length of time initially as your body needs time to get used to it and if it is not adjusted correctly it can be very painful - especially solid rings with your morning errection!

    1249992007
    Lubyanka [sign in to see picture]
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    One of the things about giving control to your partner is that sometimes they will want or choose things which you hadn't thought of or fantasised about.

    So if you were to give control to your wife, then chances are she is likely to want to proceed differently to how you imagined or wanted. That's one of the many reasons why discussing everything explicitly and in detail in advance is so important. Any person always has the ultimate entitlement to say "no" at any time, and that must always be respected no matter who is in control.

    I think that making decisions about chastity without discussing them with your partner is likely to lead to a few surprises, some of which may not be pleasant. She may want different things to you, she won't be able to read your mind to know what you want, and neither of you will know that unless you discuss it.

    1249996054
    CB-Man [sign in to see picture]
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    How true Lubyanka.

    Telling your partner your fantasies can be a very scary thing to do, and they do change and evolve over time. Sometimes fantasies are not quite what they seem when they are reality due to the other person not acting the way that you wanted them too, or it just not being what you had imagined it to be.

    This is a very scary subject that needs to be explored a bit at a time. I have plenty of fantasies that if I told my wife she may not understand and could even get upset, and maybe if she did go ahead with one of them it maybe something that I find I did not like it in real life. And she is probably the same with her fantasies.

    I think you need to discuss what you both want to get out of it/achieve and see what common ground there is.

    1250000767
    m3nf [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks again, i guess i am just starting out the route and find my ground what was to deal with future issues. My wife does know me quiet well and i have always been lucky that i can speak very open about my fantasies. My wife is more the shy type and this is why i kinda put this forward more to her so she is in more control of things that would be at her own pace more. Giving her piece of mind how things happen and when.

    I appreciate the advice and yes i will follow your views on entering this subject more with my wife. I am sure its just a matter of time thou until i feel more at ease with my concerns by talking more. Thanks guys and girls you been a great help on this matter.

    1250071337
    CB-Man [sign in to see picture]
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    Now on day 9.

    She finished her period a couple of days ago and wanted oral last night, and fell straight asleep in my arms afterwards. This makes me soooo horny, and I'm really gagging for it but know that it will be at least a couple of weeks before release.

    Last night she also mentioned that she has a new game that she wants me to play. I don't know the details yet, but she said that there would be a choice of 3 things and I would have to choose one. This will happen on Friday, but I will be given the choices before hand. I tried to push for more information but she would not tell me any more. I will let you know when I know.

    1250111051
    m3nf [sign in to see picture]
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    Hay glad things still working ok CB, sounds like your mistress has got some fun plans ahead for you then, look forward to an update there, hope all is well thou your side.

    1250151220
    CB-Man [sign in to see picture]
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    OK, now at day 10 and was given the 3 choices last night.

    She sat me down on the bed last night and told me that I must wear one of the following 3 things for one week starting on Friday. She put each one on the bed in front of me to help me choose.

    1. Bright red nail varnish to be worn on my toes
    2. Lacy and silk knickers to be worn at all times
    3. Stockings and suspenders to be worn at all times

    When I asked why she said that it is to prove my commitment to her and so that she knows that I would do anything for her. It must be my choice so that she can say 'It's the one that YOU wanted'. I asked what would happen if I don't agree, and she said that the consequences would be a lot worse.

    My wife also said that I have not been wearing my new pinny as much as she would like and I must start wearing it as soon as I have changed clothes when getting home from work, until she tells me that I can take it off when we sit down in the evening.

    I am tending to lean towards the nail varnish, but still not sure yet.

    1250153112
    Lubyanka [sign in to see picture]
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    CB-Man wrote:

    She [...] told me that I must wear one of the following 3 things for one week starting on Friday.

    1. Bright red nail varnish to be worn on my toes
    2. Lacy and silk knickers to be worn at all times
    3. Stockings and suspenders to be worn at all times

    [...] she said that it is to prove my commitment to her and [...] It must be my choice so that she can say 'It's the one that YOU wanted'. I asked what would happen if I don't agree, and she said that the consequences would be a lot worse.

    These kinds of scenarios leave me feeling pretty uncomfortable, because the illusion of consent is masking transgression of consent.

    First, you are instructed to pick from three of your wife's choices. You are essentially given only two sets of alternatives, both of which exclude your right to say "no". You are instructed to choose between your wife's 3 choices which she specified, or your wife's unspecified choice which is apparently "a lot worse".

    Then your wife has explicitly stated that she is abdicating her responsibility for her choices by holding you responsible for whichever one you choose, even though none of the alternatives are yours and your right to decline your consent at all has been transgressed.

    And to top it all off she is emotionally blackmailing you by saying that if you exercise your legitimate right to say "no", then she will interpret that as reflecting unfavourably on your commitment to her, as if your right to consent or decline to consent has anything to do with your feelings for or commitment to her. In my world, that kind of logic is bullshit.

    If a person points a gun at you and orders you to pee on the floor or else they will shoot you dead, I do not consider peeing on the floor to be your responsibility because the person with the power is limiting all of your alternatives.

    Your wife not only holds the key to your chastity device, she also holds your love and affection, and that is a tremendous arsenal of power. She has the ability to make choices which govern you because she has that double power over you. My take on this is that sure, having the power can mean using the power, but transgressing consent is always going to be abuse of power.

    If any person tries to transgress my consent like that by artificially limiting my choices and blaming me for whichever one I chose under their duress, at that point I either disengage from them completely or stop interacting with them in the circumstance which allows them to abuse their power over me.

    If I were in your position, I would choose to stop participating in chastity completely, at least until we had established some more respectful ground rules. But of course you are absolutely entitled to choose or decline to choose in any way you decide. I hope it all works out well for you.

    1250161137

    [suspended user]

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    I feel she's doing one of two things -

    a. She's had enough of the "game" and wants YOU to be the one to say "fuck this, I've had enough and I'm taking this thing off right now" - this is complete humiliation and emasculation by forcing you to choose any of these ridiculous things and perhaps she's trying to goad you into being the "failure".

    or b. She's on some power trip and can't stop herself - does she want a real man in her bed or a simpering, girly "mate" .

    Are you a man with a mind of your own or not?

    1250164247
    Lubyanka [sign in to see picture]
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    Hathor wrote:

    I feel she's doing one of two things -

    a. She's had enough of the "game" and wants YOU to be the one to say "fuck this, I've had enough and I'm taking this thing off right now" - this is complete humiliation and emasculation by forcing you to choose any of these ridiculous things and perhaps she's trying to goad you into being the "failure".

    If she wants to play those sorts of games, then it's up to her to say so and negotiate that with you. You can always ask her about it.

    or b. She's on some power trip and can't stop herself - does she want a real man in her bed or a simpering, girly "mate" .

    Are you a man with a mind of your own or not ??

    I agree that it's possible that your wife is exploring the whole power thing with this scenario, but I also feel that as an adult she has full control over her behaviour and can stop or change direction anytime she chooses.

    Whatever a "real man" is, I find that this phrase means different things to different people. In my experience, using vague phrases like that tends to be confrontational and unproductive. I don't know what having your own mind or not has to do with anything, I mean, it seems obvious to me that you have your own mind all the time, who else's would you have?

    I do hope you can work out a mutually satisfying arrangement.

    1250167766
    CB-Man [sign in to see picture]
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    I think I will talk things over with her tonight. I am more than happy to wear the pinny that she had specially made for me, but I do feel uncomfortable with this new 'game' which gives me choices, but not one to say 'no'.

    I think we discuss things tonight and see what she is trying to achieve. I certainly know that she is not pushing me into a corner because she does not want chastity anymore - she loves the way that she can tease me. Only the other night she asked me if I wanted to be unlocked, and when I tentatively said yes, she said with a glint in her eyes 'You may want to, but I don't think that is a decision that you get to make!'

    1250168836
    bigbrownblowjobeyes [sign in to see picture]
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    May I ask if she has previous experience of this kind of thing?

    I think it may possible be that she doesn't realise that by only giving you those choices and no choice to say no - as she will take that aa a slight on your relationship - she is effectively removing your consent from the equation. She may think she is allowing you to give consent as you have a choice, but as none of those choices is 'no' that is not consensual at all in my eyes.

    I'll not try to explain in further depth as I useless with words sometimes and I think Lubyanka has hit the nail on the head of what I want to say.

    You are right to talk with her about this. I have strong feelings about control/chastity/BDSM relationships as it strikes a chord with me, but I realise that those on the 'outside looking in' may find it difficult to understand those feelings; but the truth is a healthy relationship of this (or any) type can be hugely rewarding. But this requires - in my mind - certain 'rules' those simply being 'safe, sane and consensual. It is the latter that worries me in this case. If you are ever in a situation you are not comfortable with it must STOP.

    1250172285
    Lubyanka [sign in to see picture]
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    CB-Man wrote:

    Only the other night she asked me if I wanted to be unlocked, and when I tentatively said yes, she said with a glint in her eyes 'You may want to, but I don't think that is a decision that you get to make!'

    Hathor wrote:

    When you said you did want unlocking, she should have done it immediately, NO if's or buts - SHE asked you a direct question, you gave her a direct answer. Doing what she did isn't "teasing" it's being a total bitch, with no respect for your feelings.

    It sounds like it's gone way too far

    I agree that when you expressed a tentative desire to be unlocked, it was really then up to your wife to check with you how, when, whether, and if you really want to be unlocked, to discuss it, and then take whatever action you both agree to.

    I disagree that the facts as you relate them indicate some kind of marital breakdown. The way I understand what you've told us is that this is yet one more of the innumerable bumps we all encounter all the time on the negotiating-relationships road. I disagree that "bitch" accurately characterises your wife declining to unlock you when you tentatively agreed that you might possibly want to be unlocked. (unless she identifies with that herself, of course :p )

    Good luck with your discussion. :)

    1250172707
    Lubyanka [sign in to see picture]
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    Hathor wrote:

    If it were me I would have to test her reaction by telling her you'd had enough. If she was angry or dismissive then that would set the alarm bells ringing.

    I think if you really have had enough (which it doesn't sound like you have) then saying you've had enough is appropriate. I think that if you're only saying "I've had enough" as a test, then I'd recommend against that since those sorts of unspecified, un-negotiated games can lead to undesirable results, in my experience.

    If you want to continue but within certain specific limits which you will itemise to her, then I think that is the kind of thing you need to specify in your discussion.

    I would include 'the right always to say "no" to any specific thing at any time' in your list of specific limits, just to make everything absolutely crystal clear.

    1250238233
    CB-Man [sign in to see picture]
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    We are all sorted.

    We sat last night and discussed the situation and it has been a bit of a miss understanding. On her extensive trawling on the net she has seen lots of sites where chastity leads on to forced feminisation. I am always willing to try something new and in the past I have dressed in some of her clothes for bedroom play. She has put two and two together and thought that it would be something that I would like.

    I have said that I am always willing to try things, but I do not want to be forced into something where there is no way of saying 'no'. She said that she is sorry, and at the end of the day if it was something that I did not want to do, she could not make me do it.

    So now we are back as we were, all hunky dory, with me in chastity for 11 days, and she getting all the orgasms she wants!

    1250238666
    m3nf [sign in to see picture]
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    After reading the last few posts i was worried for you CB-Man, i am so glad you talked to your wife, and that things are all happy for both parties. Glad things are working out ok now and all is back to the same way.

    I have spoken to my wife about this post and our talks we had, and shall be looking into this alot more after trying some other new things we like to. Its great that this post is here with your thoughts on this subject as its help now both me and my wife.

    Best of luck.

    1250247397
    Lubyanka [sign in to see picture]
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    CB-Man wrote:

    We are all sorted.

    We sat last night and discussed the situation and it has been a bit of a miss understanding. On her extensive trawling on the net she has seen lots of sites where chastity leads on to forced feminisation. I am always willing to try something new and in the past I have dressed in some of her clothes for bedroom play. She has put two and two together and thought that it would be something that I would like.

    I have said that I am always willing to try things, but I do not want to be forced into something where there is no way of saying 'no'. She said that she is sorry, and at the end of the day if it was something that I did not want to do, she could not make me do it.

    So now we are back as we were, all hunky dory, with me in chastity for 11 days, and she getting all the orgasms she wants!

    I know how scary that stuff on the internet can be from the point of view of having men just expect me to do unbelievable stuff to service them without negotiating anything with me first, so I think I can understand what it felt like for you to be confronted with that all of a sudden.

    I am really sorry that your wife's assumptions about the accuracy of all that wank fodder on the internet led to your misunderstanding. I hope she now appreciates that you both need to discuss things first before jumping into stuff, and that you both have jurisdiction over what happens within your relationship. I also hope that your wife now appreciates that some of the sexuality stuff on the internet might possibly diverge ever-so-slightly from global gospel set-in-stone fact. :p

    I am absolutely delighted that everything worked out respectfully and to both of your satisfactions. I think being able to talk problems into solutions is just fantastic. :)

    1250253335
    CB-Man [sign in to see picture]
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    Thank you all for your supporting comments - very much apreciated!

    I'm glad things are out in the open and the air has cleared. Tomorrow is cleaning day for me, so think about me cleaning the house from top to bottom with my pinny on!

    1250668848
    CB-Man [sign in to see picture]
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    Day 16 and all well.

    Spent most of Saturday cleaning the house, and Sunday we went out for the day. Sunday night is when I do the ironing and this week she requested that I do it naked except for my pinny - I happily agreed.

    I am now in the routine of getting home from work at 5.30, changing into jeans and t-shirt, and putting my pinny on. I then help ccok the tea (she likes to cook), eat, and then wash-up. She normally asks me to take off the pinny about 7pm, and we then either sit in the garden or crash infront of the TV.

    I am now at the stage when I will do absolutely anything for release - and she knows it. She is teasing me physically and mentally now and it makes me so turned on. I am totally at her beck and call and more than willing to undertake any task that she requests. This is the stage that she loves the best!!!

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