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  1. trouble with anal sex

    xotoxic [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 2
    • Joined: 26 Dec 2012

    As a mid 20s male I've experienced a lot of versatile anal sex , but on the recieving end had sometimes been an issues every now and then but not a problem. I've recently got in to a relationship who is also versitile, but when it comes to my 'turn' we aways really struggle and ends up killing the mood, and I know it isn't an issue for my partner its become an issue to me

    I've had anal sex many times but with this its awkward on my part....

    Basically Im asking for suggestions from people who have had a similar problem and how they made it as easy and comfortable to them.

    I've tried butt plugs, which have helped. I got the pack of 3 and worked my way up to the largest, Ive used anal ease, douching... I just dont no know what else to try. I've been looking at anal lube but would that make a difference does it just last longer?

    Sometimes I clench up and it won;t go in at all, other times it does, but just feels uncomfortable or painful

    Any responses would be appreciated

    RubyRousson [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 12
    • Joined: 4 Dec 2011

    Hello. :)

    Anal sex really is all to do with relaxing, and I've found, how much you trust your partner. I view it as something to be worked towards whenever I have sex, so I tend to start with a heck of a lot of foreplay instead of going straight for it. The foreplay relaxes me enough that I'm more than ready for comfortable anal sex.

    I haven't personally seen the difference with anal lube, but maybe others have.

    KinkyFuckery [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2736
    • Joined: 10 Jul 2012

    I personally have to be relax and chilled before even we attempt anal and you need your muscles to relax too . Try not to stress too much, have some solo time on your own maybe get an anal dildo to get used to the in & out movement that your partner will be doing to you I also found this helped as a butt plug doesnt give you the same sensation as a cock moving inside. Lube we have used maxiums and anal lube doesn't personally make a difference. Relax enjoy exploring & try not to stress x

    hullabaloo [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
    • Posts: 33
    • Joined: 30 Jul 2009

    Do not rush . Take your time and relax slowly into it . The more you try to rush it and the more tense you get the more difficult it can become. Have a good read and re-read of the advice section on the Lovehoney website, Be patient. I get the feeling that taking "turns" isn't helping so just go with the flow and enjoy mutual relaxation maybe using gloved fingers that are well lubed as a relaxing starting point.

    rubysoho [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 1219
    • Joined: 6 Mar 2013

    if youre clenching up , youre obviously not as relaxed as you think you are ... have you tried poppers ?

    livvie [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
    • Posts: 87
    • Joined: 19 Mar 2013

    most anal lubes have a numbing sensation to them which do help you relax as you cannot feel the head of the penis, top of the vibrator, dildo etc going in. I only know this from the OH as i cannot use lube myself. Any other lube with tried on him he cannot relax enough because he gets too excited as he rarely craves anal attention, so when it happens its all like 'i need it now' sort of thing. I'd say try some anal lube and see if it helps :D

    MrsMcX [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1723
    • Joined: 15 Feb 2013

    For me, anal sex isn't usually on the card unless I'm really really aroused! So maybe you just need to spend some more time working up to it?

    With anal lubes, they do last longer, but their main function that distinguishes them from other lubes, is that it is formulated to form a sort of cushion. Meaning that its more comfortable, there's less pain and it significantly reduces the risk of tearing. Some people do get by on regular lubricants, but if you're having issues at the moment I would highly recommend that you try lubricant specifically for anal. After some time, you will most likely adapt to the sensations and might be able to use regular lubricant, if you happen to prefer it for some reason.

    Good luck :)

    Just Jenson [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2130
    • Joined: 19 Dec 2009

    anal sex seems to have a mind of it's own - that's the conclusion I have come to.

    I find no matter how much preparation and relaxation and arousal that goes into it - sometimes your ass just does not want to co-operate with your brain and relax and enjoy what the rest of you is enjoying!

    other times however its all systems go with out the build up and preparation.

    Therefore my advice is to just go with the flow and grab the chances when the occur - even if it means having sex at randoms times of the day - which isnt a bad thing really!

    Khaleesi [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 337
    • Joined: 1 Jun 2012

    Although I don’t have this problem anally I do vaginally. I suffer from vaginismus (when the muscles in the vagina tighten involuntarily whenever there is an attempt to penetrate it). Now I tend to only get problems when I got the the GP for a check up because I know it’s going to hurt so I tense up and nothing in this world will relax me. However it used to be much much worse and really affected my relationship with OH. So I know how difficult it can be for you and your partner.

    If it’s uncomfortable or painful for you STOP. It will only make it worse by continuing if it hurts because your body will expect the pain next time and tense up automatically even if you’re aroused. Take time and build yourself up to full anal sex again.

    You’ve mentioned that you have used butt plugs but how about trying anal dildos instead? They would be a more realistic shape and get you used to the sensation again. The smallest one is inserted first, using a good anal lubricant like Maximus. Once you feel comfortable inserting the smallest one, you can move onto a larger size and so on until you reach a size which is similar to your partner.

    The reason I’m suggesting this is because for vaginismus most women are prescribed vaginal dilators which increase in size. You then have to do kegels with to get yourself to tense and relax ‘on your own terms’ around the dilator. You could try the same with anal dildos? Try relaxing and squeezing round them to get used to the sensation?

    My final advice would be to talk to your partner about it. Don’t bottle it up just because it’s not an issue for him. As you’ve said it’s an issue for you so talking about it will probably reassure you and make you feel better, and help you see that this is something you can and will overcome.

    Please don’t worry about it (I know easier said than done), and remember you can always go and speak to your GP too.

    Hope this helps Xx

    KinkyFuckery [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2736
    • Joined: 10 Jul 2012

    Best advice I have take it nice and slow , lube lube lube , start off small and dont get eyes bigger than your belly .

    LH have a great buyers guide -http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/sex-toys/anal-sex-toys/

    I started off with http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=13085

    Then got a butt plug so you are used to slipping something inside you - http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=16053 or you could buy a kit and work your way up - http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=3539

    I then got a douche - http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=952 dead easy to use and simple and makes you clean esp when your using bigger toys as I worked my way up to an anal dildo to get to used to the fact that he will be inside me - http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=16726

    Then I brought http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=17072 to get fill what it will be like,

    Honestly try it slow if you enjoy it you enjoy it its not for everyone, dont put any pressure on yourself slow and lube it taken me about 6 months to work my way up, just taken it at my own pace.

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