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  1. New to using toys - advice please?

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    steph&mike [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
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    • Joined: 2 Sep 2017

    Me and my boyfriend are new to Lovehoney as we are are looking to try some new ideas. One of the main reasons for me is that I would really like to start using a dildo and vibrator. I have got to 26 without using one so am feeling I am missing out!

    I have not told my boyfriend this exactly and am a bit worried how he may take it that I want to start using them so not sure how to tell him. We don't live together yet so he wouldn't find out unless I told him and could maybe tell him in the future? Any ideas what I should do?

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    2Dogs [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
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    How long have you been with him? Maybe date night and a few drinks - then tell him your thoughts...?

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    myrkari [sign in to see picture]
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    Have you looked at any of the couple's starter kits? Perhaps if you had a few toys you could try out and use together, you wouldn't run into any potential "why do you need toys when you've got me" drama (which I bet you won't, but I know that's a thing people sometimes worry about!)

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    Paul Mycock [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
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    Sex and love are two different things. You can love your boyfriend but have "sex" with a toy. I wouldn't be bothered by my girlfriend using a toy when I wasn't around in the same way as I wouldn't be bothered if she was using her fingers when I wasn't around.

    If your boyfriend is any kind of bloke he might be looking at smut and pulling himself off. Your boyfriend might be turned on that you are using a vibrator and might want to use it on you. also if you can't tell your boyfriend stuff like this there might even be a problem with your relationship. You should both be able to be honest with each other.

    Finally with toys what do you want? A mini one for your clit? One that penetrates? I've found the best one to be a wand.

    Have fun and good vibrations.

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    *sexybabe* [sign in to see picture]
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    I told my hubby when I bought my first vibrator, he was excited to watch me use it! He also likes to use it on me. So it was never an issue. But if it's making you feel anxious, you could get a toy and tell him about it another time, when you've been together longer? Or you could shop online for one but do it when you're together, and see how the conversation goes. There are loads of toys you and he might like! And ones you can share 😉

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    Gyrator53 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
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    steph&mike wrote:

    Me and my boyfriend are new to Lovehoney as we are are looking to try some new ideas.

    I notice you say “we” here so I guess your BF is also looking at LH (which sound like a good idea). I reckon he will find it totally hot that you want to use some toys especially if, when he is available, he gets to use them on you. I think you should broach the subject and ask him if he would help you choose some toys and maybe suggest that you look at what is available for him as well.

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    NatandTom [sign in to see picture]
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    It's a common suggestion here but one that usually works well. Ask him if he'd be interested in looking through the site together and pick out things that appeal to you both. It can be a fun part of the build-up to trying new things.

    I wouldn't hide them from him. Keep the lines of communication open. He could find the idea really hot. He could be nervous about it and need some reassurance. Tell him that sex toys are there to enhance your sex life together and not replace him.

    If you need any toy recommendations, feel free to ask. We're a friendly bunch.

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    Senator [sign in to see picture]
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    How he will most likely handle it will depend on how it is approached and how sexually mature he is.

    If you try and hide them, keep them a secret, it's unlikely to end well if/when he finds out about them. I won't go as far as saying couples shouldn't have any secrets (I can't think of anything that shouldn't be shared, but I'm sure there are some?), but certainly the use of sex toys shouldn't be one of them.

    Us blokes are generally visual creatures, watching my OH getting off on a toy is one of the sexiest sites in our bedroom. As someone mentioned above, it's likely he will be masturbating to porn when you aren't together, so watching you with a vibe / dildo is almost an extension of that.

    Ofcourse, there is a stark difference between some random person on a screen and your partner, this is where sexual maturity comes into play. If he is secure enough to know it's not about him and his proweress rather this is something for you to do either alone or together, then this will help acceptance and enjoyment of the toys.

    It all starts with a conversation though, how this is approached differs and you need an approach that works for you both. Failing that, alcohol......... :)

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    Terri JJ [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
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    NatandTom wrote:

    It's a common suggestion here but one that usually works well. Ask him if he'd be interested in looking through the site together and pick out things that appeal to you both. It can be a fun part of the build-up to trying new things.

    I wouldn't hide them from him. Keep the lines of communication open. He could find the idea really hot. He could be nervous about it and need some reassurance. Tell him that sex toys are there to enhance your sex life together and not replace him.

    If you need any toy recommendations, feel free to ask. We're a friendly bunch.

    +1xx

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    Claire&Mark [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 27 Sep 2016

    I would definately recommend getting what you would like and I wouldn't imagine your boyfriend would have an issue. Mine loves to watch me use toys and I expect many guys are the same. He knows I use them and thinks it's hot.

    If you don't want to tell him then that would be OK too but I think it would be awkward at some point if he found out and he may be hurt. I got my first toys when I was quite young and never told my first proper boyfriend about it, he knew I liked to masturbate but never knew I had started using a vibrator.

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    BigInBerks [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
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    • Joined: 21 Aug 2017

    Be open. My wife and I had a poor sex life which exploded into life when we started talking.

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