• Dildo using with my wife mixed messages understanding her

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    Lefty [sign in to see picture]
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    Rite so we decided to use a dildo into our sex life for fun, as I want her to have the most pleasure,
    Normally I will go down on her and do oral and use a dildo which is smaller than my man hood but bit more wide, she absolutely love it, and I mean loves it she is screaming saying it feels so good etc... But when it comes to using it which is like twice a month as it's for fun, she says oooo really do we have to use it, and the says she is not bothered by it at all, but when the magic is happening she absolutely loves it ???? I'm confused any advice of whomen in this department please as I'm confused if she wants it or not ??

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    mamz [sign in to see picture]
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    Maybe her reaction is fake because she knows you want her to enjoy it and doesn't wanna dissapoint you?

    You can't know if you don't ask her. the best solution is asking her if she likes the dildo and you using it on her and how she feels about this. Tell her that you're a bit confused about this etc, but do not insist on the fact that you want her to love it as it might just keep the pressure on her if it's the case.

    1484834874
    LadyS [sign in to see picture]
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    It's not an uncommon reaction, I think amongst women especially, but probably men too, that what you enjoy in the heat of the moment, can sometimes be uncomfortable talk about or reflect upon in the cold light of day.

    The chances are that once she's turned on and lost in other pleasures she most likely does enjoy the pleasures of the dildo. But maybe she finds the talking about it awkward.

    I would maybe give her an opportunity to confirm whether or not she is happy to continue using it. If she says yes, maybe ask her if she would rather you just introduced it during a sexy session rather than asking each time. Maybe offer the use of a safeword if she really decides at any point she really isn't in the mood for it on any given day.

    1484835313
    Lefty [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks you your oppinions I'm just going to ask her outright, maybe it's the fact that she don't want to let me down in a way ? As I enjoy it when she is really happy, but maybe she knows this and does not want to let me down in a way, best to just ask see what happens lol

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    d20divah [sign in to see picture]
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    The key to ANY good sex life is open communication and honesty - I say simply ask her...she may be a little embarrassed to talk openly at first but if you both persevere and approach the conversation in the right way, it will be the best thing you ever do for your sex life :)

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    Jezebella [sign in to see picture]
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    One possibility is that she is pretending not to want it to reassure you? Some people are worried their partner will feel threatened by sex toys so are keen to make it clear that they prefer their partner's parts to the toys.

    I completely agree with other posters that the only way you'll know for sure is to ask her about it outside the bedroom. If she is faking enjoyment for your pleasure it'd be better if you knew about it so you can move on from the dildo.

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    bondagegod [sign in to see picture]
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    The best option is to ask her what she likes about the Dildo and what she don't like or the best time she feels on using it.

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    Alicia4Ever [sign in to see picture]
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    Jezebella wrote:

    One possibility is that she is pretending not to want it to reassure you? Some people are worried their partner will feel threatened by sex toys so are keen to make it clear that they prefer their partner's parts to the toys.

    I completely agree with other posters that the only way you'll know for sure is to ask her about it outside the bedroom. If she is faking enjoyment for your pleasure it'd be better if you knew about it so you can move on from the dildo.

    + 1 on this, it's what came to mind for me. Especially as she screams with pleasure, when you use it on her.

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    Lil_Red_Kinkyboots [sign in to see picture]
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    ^ definitely agree with this too. I use to feel that way too.

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    Gyrator53 [sign in to see picture]
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    Using a strapon on my wife is a massive turn-on for me. We only started this as a back-up plan for when my (thankfully rare) ED strikes but it has become something we both enjoy. I have once had a mild “what? that again?” complaint but she didn't stop me. Let's face it, there are signs of genuine arousal that no lady can hide and I guess you can tell if your OH is faking her pleasure or not from them.

    We usually finish with PiV (as, even if it's a genuine case of ED it tends to be cured by the extended foreplay of bringing my wife to orgasm with the strapon).

    In the winter she does complain that the dildo is a bit cold.

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    runningbiker [sign in to see picture]
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    I wouldn't worry too much, although it can be infuriating. My missus is much the same, she loves oral sex, dildos, vibrators once she's warmed up, but if ever asked she'll kind of shrug and say she's not fussed. So I press on regardless. Generally she enjoys most things, if she doesnt she'll tell me!

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    Lush Lolita [sign in to see picture]
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    The only wat you'll know for sure is to ask her. I agree with Jezebella, maybe she doesn't want you to feel inadequate, maybe it's just embarrasment - using toys/masturabtion can be a really private experience for some people and she's worried about you seeing that side of her

    ....the possibilities are endless, just ask!!!

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    Dr Gray [sign in to see picture]
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    Communication really is key
    Anything like this should be able to be talked about openly

    My wife goes crazy during sex but until we get into it she couldn't be fussed either way

    Since getting off contraception this has improved however

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    SmokingHotLove [sign in to see picture]
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    I usually say no to the dildo, but then when he's using it on me and asks if I want him to stop, no is always the answer! Not sure why, for me I think it's the fear of what it does to me! The intensity, orgasms and feeling like I have no control is a bit scary. And I think I pretend I'm not that into it, when I clearly am lol. Wee bit of pretence from my point of you. Possibly the same for your OH?

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    Gyrator53 [sign in to see picture]
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    While I'm a great believer in communication as the problem solver in a relationship I think many of us, perhaps especially us oldies who were brought up in an era when sex was 'dirty', have a degree of reservation and if asked directly even by their long-term partner “would you like me to use a 8 inch bright red strapon on you?” would probably say “NO!” even if that is exactly what they would like. Also, I think there is a tendency for some to feel that admitting you like or want something is in some way an admission of weakness. So sometimes I think it's good to gradually move things in the direction of something you think your OH might like and save the detailed discussion until you have both agreed/admitted it's a good thing.

    I think having the minor 'equipment' failures of old age actually helps. Sex toys, lubes, position aids, etc., become something of an essential.

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    Tiger Dick [sign in to see picture]
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    Gyrator53 wrote:

    While I'm a great believer in communication as the problem solver in a relationship I think many of us, perhaps especially us oldies who were brought up in an era when sex was 'dirty', have a degree of reservation and if asked directly even by their long-term partner “would you like me to use a 8 inch bright red strapon on you?” would probably say “NO!” even if that is exactly what they would like. Also, I think there is a tendency for some to feel that admitting you like or want something is in some way an admission of weakness. So sometimes I think it's good to gradually move things in the direction of something you think your OH might like and save the detailed discussion until you have both agreed/admitted it's a good thing.

    I think having the minor 'equipment' failures of old age actually helps. Sex toys, lubes, position aids, etc., become something of an essential.

    Great points indeed.

    In general I believe there can be an intimidation factor with sex, if its too big, it can set things back (if not for good!) a long way. I can see the appeal of 8" disappearing into wherever and it being incredabily sexy, but if your relationship is used to something significantly smaller (which is the majority) then introducing something much bigger can have a determental effect.

    If there's to be a rule of thumb, its start small and then in time comes confidence, experience and enthusiasm, then you'll be ready for the next size up. In my experience, its more difficult to undo a fear, than to stop a passion.

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    Goodvibrationz [sign in to see picture]
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    Gyrator53 wrote:

    While I'm a great believer in communication as the problem solver in a relationship I think many of us, perhaps especially us oldies who were brought up in an era when sex was 'dirty', have a degree of reservation and if asked directly even by their long-term partner “would you like me to use a 8 inch bright red strapon on you?” would probably say “NO!” even if that is exactly what they would like. Also, I think there is a tendency for some to feel that admitting you like or want something is in some way an admission of weakness. So sometimes I think it's good to gradually move things in the direction of something you think your OH might like and save the detailed discussion until you have both agreed/admitted it's a good thing.

    I think having the minor 'equipment' failures of old age actually helps. Sex toys, lubes, position aids, etc., become something of an essential.

    Wise words indeed Gyrator53. As a couple in their late 60's there is the odd occasion when the spirit is willing but the body is weak despite my lovely Mrs.GV's charms.

    And yes, the toys etc. don't always hit the spot but I have to say that LH has been an absolute boon this last couple of weeks with all the bits and pieces it sells and the support you get from other members.

    We've posted pics, had fun and chatted (within the rules) to some lovely people. I also agree about moving things forward gently in a common direction & being sensitive to each other's needs and "fears". Pleased I got that off my chest!

    Mr. OH

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    Gyrator53 [sign in to see picture]
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    Goodvibrationz wrote:

    As a couple in their late 60's there is the odd occasion when the spirit is willing but the body is weak despite my lovely Mrs.GV's charms.

    Good to hear we aren't (quite) the oldest couple here - I sometimes start to wonder if we are. I have to say that the 'equipment failures' used to worry me a lot with the “is our sex life coming to an end” thought in the back of my mind (which of course only makes the equipment more temperamental). But having found, in great part due to this forum, ways in which we can both be completely satisfied without an erection in sight at least one of the terrors of old age has been completely conquered.

    1485429271
    Goodvibrationz [sign in to see picture]
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    Gyrator53 wrote:

    Goodvibrationz wrote:

    As a couple in their late 60's there is the odd occasion when the spirit is willing but the body is weak despite my lovely Mrs.GV's charms.

    Good to hear we aren't (quite) the oldest couple here - I sometimes start to wonder if we are. I have to say that the 'equipment failures' used to worry me a lot with the “is our sex life coming to an end” thought in the back of my mind (which of course only makes the equipment more temperamental). But having found, in great part due to this forum, ways in which we can both be completely satisfied without an erection in sight at least one of the terrors of old age has been completely conquered.

    This age subject (and how to deal with it) is an interesting one - and one I would like to continue with as we are in our late sixties. However I am conscious of the fact that it doesn't really come under this particular thread.

    So just wondering Gyrator53 or anyone else out there who is no longer in their first flush of youth - is there an existing thread we can pick up on? Don't want to start a new one if one already exists 'cos that's one of the forum rules.

    OH

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    Neitseellinen [sign in to see picture]
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    I would just recommend an open conversation about what she want and what she thinks about it :)

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