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  1. How Sex Dolls saved our marriage after the menopause

    borninsixties [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
    • Posts: 3
    • Joined: 29 Mar 2015

    Hi. Sorry this is a long post but I am hoping it might help someone. If you are a man reading this then maybe you will resonate and if you are a woman then maybe seeing it from a man's perpective could prove interesting.

    My first marriage ended after we decided that neither of us really wanted kids. My wife had been brought up that sex was just for having children and nothing else. She bent the rules for that by justifying to herself that she was just "practising", and our sex life was great at first. However, it got to a point that mentally she just couldn't do sex, as her upbringing eventually caught up with her. She even suggested that I have an affair or visited prostitutes when abroad on business (I spent a lot of time away from home), but I just couldn't do that. We also tried a sex doll, but back then they were awful and after the first use I felt so sordid I cut it up and threw it away. It was like disposing of a dead body. We decided to divorce shortly afterwards.

    Sex with my second wife was brilliant for years. The word "no" didn't seem to be in her vocabulary. She even admitted that she would regularly pleasure herself in the toilets at work! (this is more common than you might think, I've since learned).

    Then came the menopause. Suddenly she didn't have any libido whatsoever. We thought it would pass. It didn't. She tried medication. It didn't work. We started to argue, at first about sex, then about everything. Our relationship went downhill fast.

    From her perspective, she just didn't feel any desire to have sex. Ever. From mine, I was still as randy as when we first met. We went from sex 2-3 times a week to hardly ever. I was faced with some difficult choices:

    1. Accept it and live with it.

    2. Have an affair.

    3. Visit prostitutes.

    4. Sex toys

    I had tried Option 1 with my previous wife. It led to resentment, frustration and eventually divorce.

    My (current) wife had always made it clear that Option 2 and 3 would be an instant divorce. I have known so many people that had affairs that led to messy divorces that I myself would never consider either of these options.

    So it was Option 4:

    As I've got older I have found masturbation more and more unfulfilling. Watching porn helps, but not much (we often watched porn together and it has never been an issue for us).

    I then tried using Male Masturbators, e.g. Fleshlight. At first my wife wasn't too happy with this but when I asked her the difference between a Fleshlight and the vibrators she herself had used she changed her mind. So that wasn't a problem.

    After a while the Fleshlight just didn't do it for me. It was too close to masturbation and soon became unfulfilling once more. I therefore bought a couple of cheap sex dolls from LH.

    At first it felt weird, almost like having an affair. I always felt guilty afterwards. However, it didn't feel like masturbation, it was far better and closer to the real thing. Perhaps it is because they have more of a physical presence? Anyway the guilt soon got to me and I decided to tell my wife about them.

    Being a bloke I wasn't very subtle; on reflection I could have done it better because she went ballistic. Things were very difficult for a week or so. However, after the initial shock, she came round to the idea that me having sex with a doll wasn't really much different to using a Fleshlight; using a Fleshlight is only masturbation, and everyone does that (any woman reading this who thinks her man doesn't masturbate when she isn't around is probably fooling herself). An important factor is we boith knew the dolls were not a threat; I would never choose them over her.

    In the end we decided it was worth a try, because we were both fed up with our constant arguing. So I would use the dolls and would not constantly pester her for sex. We would sleep together or just cuddle but only have sex when she suggested it, so she didn't feel pressured. To make it work I said she would have to buy me a doll. Other wise whenever we argued she might throw it back in my face (literally!). I mean, where is the harm in playing with a toy that your partner bought you?

    I let her choose the model and she bought me a Kimmi Lovecock, a beautiful doll with a truly awful name. A few months later it was my wife who suggested I get a teddy babe.

    Almost a year on and we are happier now than we have been for ages. I have discovered that by not pestering my wife for sex all the time we actually end up doing it more often. And in between that I have my dolls. We've not had a threesome, though she has allowed a teddy babe in the bed with her. Seeing her together with the teddy babe in stockings has been a great turn on for me.

    All of this obviously isn't something we are going to discuss with our friends and family in Manchester but it works for us. I know some people reading this might abhor the idea of their partner (or even themselves) with a sex doll, but a look through the products on this site show that everyone is different. And no third parties are involved. We both know it isn't the perfect solution for either of us, but marriage is all about compromise isn't it? Oh, and communication.

    Lovehoney - Leanne [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2385
    • Joined: 9 Oct 2014

    Thank you for sharing this , I am happy to hear it has saved your marriage and you are happy together heart

    It sounds like you and your OH have the communication sorted and they say that is key ! 

    Couple looking to spice things up [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 3448
    • Joined: 22 Jul 2015

    Aww what a wonderful thread thanks for sharing your situation and resolution with us. I'm glad you and your wife have communicated and compromised to ensure your both happy. Xx

    NatandTom [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 6686
    • Joined: 6 Jun 2015

    Thank you for sharing! I'm glad you've found a compromise that works for both of you! X

    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 7166
    • Joined: 7 Jan 2014

    The main thing about a relationship isn't sex as such but comminication . Its good communication I think saved your marriage, of course the sex dolls helped .

    Thanks for sharing I am sure it will provide useful reference for those in a similar position .


    [suspended user]

    suspended user
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 1257
    • Joined: 4 Dec 2013

    It's great you've decided to share this on here, I'm sure it helps people accept and understand! :)

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