FREE delivery when you spend £40 (or more!)
  1. Frustrated with prostate massagers and anal toys

    samkro [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 5
    • Joined: 2 Sep 2015


    I got into anal toys when I read about male orgasms. This got me really excited cause I thought maybe this way I can get orgasms like women. I have always been jealous of women cause their orgasms seem to be so much stronger. I can basically jack off without making one noise it's simply boring and lame.

    Anyway, I have been buying a lot of different anal toys and tried them out. I bought plugs, dildos and prostate massagers (zini janus, shots toys divine touch, aneros peridise).

    The problem is basically that even though jacking off feels a bit better when you use an anal toy at the same time it's still nowhere near as good as I thought it would be. I don't really understand this.

    Is it possible that some men simply do not get anything out of anal stimulation or prostate stimulation? I have tried just inserting a prostate massager and then watched porn and waited for half on hour if at one point it would start to feel good or if the prostate would start to swell but nothing happened.

    I also tried to flex my PC muscles and get the massager moving on this inside. This worked and I could move it a bit but still it didn't cause any orgasms or sensations. I didn't even feel like I have to pee which supposedly many men experience when they stimulate the prostate.

    I also tried dildos and G-spot vibrators. I tried locating the prostate with a G-spot vibrator which I slightly pressed upwards towards the belly where the prostate is. I carefully moved it around and thought if I hit the prostate then I definitely have to feel it and then I will know that I hit it but I wasn't even able to really "locate" it.

    What I also don't understand is in porn when women have anal sex they totally seem to enjoy it and love the feeling of having a dick sliding back and forth in their ass. But when I tried out various dildos and tried moving them back on forth to generate friction it really didn't feel special at all. Could this be because I always use anal toys with condoms? Could the condoms ruin the feeling or does this not make a difference with sex toys?

    I also tried finding the prostate with a finger but I wasn't able to. I also think that my fingers aren't really long enough.

    Anyway, do you have any advice? I'm really frustrated cause now I have all these anal toys lying around and they don't really deliver. I kind of wish I had never heard about prostate orgasms and never gotten into this idea.

    Foxxy [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 809
    • Joined: 29 Oct 2009

    I don't have a prostate, so can't really advice you too much about that, other than to say that everybody is different, and prostate toys come in so many different shapes and sizes, it's highly possible that you just haven't found the right shape/size for your anatomy.

    As for women and pleasure from anal sex - anal penetration will stimulate areas of our vagina, like the a-spot through the wall between the vagina and anus, so it's not really comparable to anal penetration for men.

    samkro [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 5
    • Joined: 2 Sep 2015

    Does this mean that for women anal sex is only good cause of how it affects the vagina?

    But then what about anal orgasms? Are they also linked to stimulating the vagina?

    Foxxy [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 809
    • Joined: 29 Oct 2009

    All women are different. I can orgasm from anal sex, and would consider this an 'anal orgasm' because it's from direct anal stimulation, but it could totally be (in whole or part) thanks to indirect vaginal stimulation.

    samkro [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 5
    • Joined: 2 Sep 2015

    Okay. But can you tell me what exactly feels good about anal sex/anal stimulation? Is it the friction on the inside or is it the stretching of the hole or is it all combined?

    And do you also like anal toys like vibrators or dildos?

    Is it possible that a person only responds to a certain form of anal stimulation like for example vibration or friction? But I pretty much tried everything and it simply doesn't seem to do much for me. This really sucks. I had such high hopes in prostate orgasms.

    Foxxy [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 809
    • Joined: 29 Oct 2009

    That's so difficult to answer. It's certainly not friction - friction and anal sex aren't a good combo. I supposed it's repetitive pressure and stimulation on areas that feel good. I do like the feeling of being stretched, but it's not orgasmic in any way on its own.

    Every man I know who enjoys prostate play will say they know when they stimulate the prostate - and many also say that prostate play can take a while to get right for them. Vibrations won't work for everyone, sometimes a physical motion might work (like Nexus Revo for example) or even electo-stimulation, it's not a one solution fits all, sadly

    samkro [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 5
    • Joined: 2 Sep 2015

    Maybe the prostate massagers which I have don't have the right size or shape and don't really hit the prostate. But I also can't buy one massager after the other and then see if any of them works this would be too expensive and risky.

    This is one thing which I never understood about massagers. I mean how can 1 size fit all and hit the right spot in all men no matter how tall they are?

    I supposed it's repetitive pressure and stimulation on areas that feel good.

    Are you talking about anal sex or also using dildos? In case you use dildos what do you do with them? I mean do you insert them as deep as possible or do you move them in and out?

    I have noticed that bigger dildos which cause more stretching also offer more sensation but at the same time I don't really want to get into using bigger and bigger anal toys cause I don't think that this is really healthy on the long run.

    Foxxy [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 809
    • Joined: 29 Oct 2009

    It's rare that I use dildos anally, not because it doesn't feel good, but because if I've prepared for anal play, I make the most of it with sex! Lol

    Buying from Lovehoney is risk free, if a toy doesn't work for you, they'll refund you (and they absolutely, categorically get rid of the used toy you return, in an environmentally safe way, it's never re-sold)

    I guess us ladies are a bit luckier in this respect, our areas are a bit easier to find generally, although saying that, some women do take a lot of time and effort to get the g-spot to work for them

    samkro [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 5
    • Joined: 2 Sep 2015

    That's exceptional. But to be honest if I bought an expensive toy and then found out that it doesn't work for me I'd also feel uncomfortable sending it back I mean how are they supposed to make profit this way?

    it's rare that I use dildos anally, not because it doesn't feel good, but because if I've prepared for anal play, I make the most of it with sex! Lol

    What do you mean with prepare? Do you mean stretching first with small toys and then bigger ones?

    I haven't really used very huge dildos. I think the biggest one I used was a 7 inch dildo with a rather small tip and it also wasn't really that thick but I didn't do any "warming up" at all. I simply lube it up and then push it in. But once it's in there usually is a point where there's some kind of resistance or a feeling of pressure as if there's a wall and then it takes some time and a bit of moving back and forth in order to be able to insert it deeper.

    Vanessa8 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 3047
    • Joined: 7 Jan 2014

    I don't mean to be cheeky but don't take on porn as a guide that all women derive pleasure from anal penetration / friction. You realize they are actors, right?

    From a physical standpoint I highly doubt that a condom would influence if a toy is effective. If you are doing all of this anal play solo it may be a matter of angels as well. For example a partner can use a toy on me in ways I can't necessarily use it on myself.

    Also, you may want to examine your approach mentally as well as physically to your sexual play. if you are overly obsessive or not relaxed that can affect orgasms in many people.

    Hopefully some men weigh in here that can provide more specific feedback here. Good luck!

    Grant&Emily [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
    • Posts: 15
    • Joined: 25 Nov 2009

    As already mentioned everybody is different -

    i personally have never had a problem with prostate/anal play and find it a very enjoyable part of masturbation and sex.

    A few tips would be to make sure you are fully relaxed and you are actually turned on/horny and not just having a wank because you are bored. I think prostate play is as much physical as it is psychological.

    Secondly I think body position plays a big factor - i can rarely find my P spot if I am lay down I have to be knelt up as if 'riding' the toy. This way you can rock until you find a good spot.

    Lastly I would say do a little anal prep before hand - a good Douche/enema will ensure your rear is clean and ready for action.

    Remember porn is not real life - the women are acting so may or may not be enjoying the anal scene you are watching, some love anal others hate it - everyone is different :)

    Hope that helps - keep practising it is worth it when you find the golden P spot orgasm.

    DavidB1986 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1876
    • Joined: 11 Feb 2009

    As mentioned, prostate stimulation is not just something that you can expect to happen right away - for some guys, it can take weeks, months or even years to fully experience prostate stimulation. You need to 'train' the prostate to react to that kind of stimulation.

    It's also a state of mind, as well. You need to be completely relaxed, aroused and completely focused. And it will take practice - LOTS of practice.

    Why does anal feel good? Well, for some, it just does - it's a subjective issue - the same way some people enjoy the taste of a certain food etc - it's just something that when you know you like it, you like it. For me, personally, it's not just about stimulating the prostate - it's about sharing an intimate connection, a physical closeness and look, I just really enjoy how it feels, stretching me and filling me. It's just the best.

    jackjohn [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 119
    • Joined: 5 Jan 2014

    Anal and prostate stimulation and orgasms are, to me at least, very different. Different body parts, toys and techniques. I find that the most enjoyment comes from pleasuring the penis, prostate or anus separately rather than trying to do two or three things at once.

    Anal pleasure and orgasms come from stretching and pressure on the anal canal. The same as for girls (one of the few things we have in common, Mrs JJ says). As others have said before, It's a matter of practice and finding the position, sweet spots and the right toys for you. Keep experimenting and you will find joy. A good butt plug helps a lot due to repeated opening and closing.

    Prostate stimulation is, to me, the trickiest. Again, experiment with position and toys and when you find the right spot, keep massaging gently. Getting too vigourous leads to discomfort and (so I've read) possible damage to delicate tissues.

    Try anal and prostate stimulation separately.

    Just Jenson [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2130
    • Joined: 19 Dec 2009

    I'm in the same boat here. Years of anal play with a whole variety of toys and yet to find the elusive P spot etc...

    but as I enjoy other aspects of anal play I am not deterred in my search!

    Thumper the Rabbit [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 208
    • Joined: 26 May 2015

    I have ben doing various forms of anal play for years and have not had an anal orgasm either. I find that anal play can be enjoyed in and of itself. I am still experimenting though and would love to have one of those strong internal orgasms that I have heard so much about

    Boogaloo [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2108
    • Joined: 22 Apr 2014

    I'm afraid I don't have a prostate so I can't advise, but I would agree with everyone else that it takes a lot of time, patience, and finding the correct toy/technique.

    I tried everything under the sun to have a G spot orgasm. It seemed like every woman could do it except me, and I started to think it just wasn't possible and my anatomy is all wrong. I tried loads of G spot toys which had amazing reviews, and most of the time they just felt uncomfortable. Eventually I found the right toy by total coincidence, which isn't marketed for the G spot at all, and finally had the G spot orgasm I'd been looking for!

    My point is, just because something is marketed as a prostate massager, doesn't mean it will work for you. You will need to experiment to figure out what shapes/sizes etc your body responds best to, and go from there. Don't put too much pressure on yourself, and try not to have high expectations, or you may always be disappointed.

    Elle & em [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
    • Posts: 237
    • Joined: 4 Aug 2015

    I too don't have a prostate but my oh has and have been experimenting with prostate massage .

    At first I left him to it to experiment and find the right spot but now I assist and its a big part of our sex lives .

    I think the key is to relax and don't think about it , the more you try to do something it doesn't happen but relax and enjoy and it will finally come ( no pun intended)

    Post a reply to this thread

    Please sign in to post messages to the forum.