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  1. 1st Time Buyer: Advice Appreciated on Clandestine Use of Toys?

    Émile [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 1
    • Joined: 23 Aug 2015


    Rather awakradly I find myself seeking your advice on the use of male sex toys; Or rather how to hide the use of one. You see about 18 months ago I was in a car accident - my elder brother and I were hit by a young women "DUI" - that has left me with limited use of my legs. I consider myself lucky as both my brother and the driver were killed.

    Now my problem lies in the fact that I haven't had sex in that time and I was used to having sex quite regularly from quite early in my teens. For a year this didn't bother me much but now it's starting to nag and I'd like to try one of these toys.

    However I now live with my two younger twin sisters and although they have been wonderful in their way looking after me. I can't imagine the headlines in the Daily Mail and on FaceBook should I be caught using one of these things.

    I am interested in the Flesh Lights and I'd opt for the more expensive ones if you think that's wise? They do require washing (obviously) and air-drying though which puts me off. Really I'm open to any help you can give me. Thanks for your time and gods speed in your reply less I climb the walls...


    Just Jenson [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2130
    • Joined: 19 Dec 2009

    HI Émile

    I too live with family, so have to come up with methods to get round toys being on display. I have the fleshlight flight, which I would recommend highly. Yes they do need washing and rejuvenating with the corn starch powder, so are quite a high maintenance toy.

    After washing, I just roll it around in my hands to get the outside dry and then apply the powder to get the smoothness back. I then put it into its holder and put it on the window sill in the bed room to air dry (meaning I dont put the covers back on at either end). The window has a net curtain so no one can see the toy from outside, and I keep that part of the curtain drawn closed so hidden from view when in the room. Just so happens I have a book shelf in front of the curtain to theres no reason to access the curtain to open it anyway.

    The air circulating round the window area helps dry out the inside pretty quickly and it is obcured from sight.

    Hope this helps

    Lovebirds_x [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1994
    • Joined: 24 Oct 2012

    The only toys which won't require air drying are the disposable ones, which obviously would become very expensive if you want to use them regularly. I'm not saying this to put you off, it's just part of the deal with male toys. But there are plenty of ways to get creative with air drying, it doesn't have to be left out in the open for all to see. It depends how much private space you have within the house, really.

    Do you have a drawer which your sisters would not go into? You can put a towel/some kitchen roll down in it, set the sleeve on it and then leave the drawer cracked open. It isnt ideal and won't dry as quickly but it will dry and it's out of sight.

    You can also pat the outside of the sleeve dry and put it back in the case then leave it somewhere discreet, such as under the bed. As long as you leave both caps off and leave it somewhere with an air flow it should dry, again just not very quickly.

    Fleshlights are definitely worth it compared to the cheaper strokers, I suppose the question is not so much do you have somewhere to air dry it but do you have somewhere to store such a large toy and the essentials to go with it, namely lube and renewal powder? If you do, it's quite likely you can use that same place to dry it after washing. If you don't, there are smaller options that will require the same care (washing and air drying) but which you may find easier to look after discreetly.

    With regards to your sisters finding it, well...you're all adults, right? It would be embarrassing as hell, but I'd like to hope that after caring for you they would be able to handle a sensitive issue such as you taking care of your adult needs with a decent level of maturity?

    Hope you can figure something out!

    Minkish Minx [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
    • Posts: 153
    • Joined: 20 Nov 2014

    I got a Fleshlight for my fiance last Christmas and I personally think that it's quite a difficult toy to hide. It's huge (probably our biggest male toy) and heavy and even though it's in the shape of a flashlight, no one would ever be fooled. In fact, its shape is pretty attention catching. Not to mention that it's pretty well known and widely used in porn so it's easy to identify.

    Also, Fleshlights are high maintenance and take a long time to air-dry properly. The powder is non-optional too, since the real feel material gets really tacky if you opt out of it. I found our Fleshlight rather squeaky too, especially when the capped is screwed tight for maximum suction. Then again, this is a problem with most of the masturbators we've tried.

    The Fleshlight Sex in a Can is smaller and seems easier to store.

    It does have a realistic opening though so if curious hands were to get a hold of it and unscrew the top, the surprise could be mortifying.

    Flight by Fleshlight

    This is a lot more subtle than the traditional models although it's still pretty big.

    As far as high end toys go, Tenga has some nice and discreet options.

    Tenga Fliphole

    The best thing about this is that it looks nothing like a sex toy. It just looks like some bedside lamp or speaker and even if someone was to chance upon it, they'd probably write it off as "some techy thing". This is very easy to wash and dries quickly too since you can open it and hang it to dry over its stand. It's about as wide as the Fleshlight, but it's shorter so at least it's a little easier to store.

    Tenga Air Tech Vacuum Cup

    This looks a bit eye-catching at first glance, but the external plastic wrap can be torn off completely so that it just looks like a plain black plastic canister. I had a friend over and was horrified to realize that I forgot to keep it and it was sitting on the table in its full glory. I needn't have worried though, since she didn't even spare it a cursory glance. This is much smaller than the Fleshlight and Fliphole and is very easy to tuck away in a cupboard or drawer. It does get wheezy in play though, so it's not a very quiet toy.

    Tenga 3D Masturbator

    These come in many different patterns and none of them look like sex toys. The spiral, in particular, looks like a piece of avant garde art, especially when it's sitting nicely in its display case. If you're daring enough, you could even attempt to pass it off as an artsy bedside decoration, heheh. Otherwise, it's small and easy to hide away.

    HEPS Fantastic Oral Sex Simulator Male Masturbator

    Another fantastic sex toy that looks nothing like a sex toy. The black version looks like some gadget and probably wouldn't be spared a second glance. It's also small and easy to store. It's currently OOS though. :c

    Whichever toy you decide on, bear in mind that sometimes the cleaning essentials could give you away. The Fleshlight Sex Toy Kit is an amazing deal and has everything you could need. It also has eye-catching and helpful labels which announce exactly what they're meant for.

    This is the most discreet sex toy cleaner / lube set that I've found on the site.

    The lubricant looks like any old moisturizer. I've had this sitting in my bathroom which my parents sometimes use and it gone totally unnoticed. The thing I like about the cleaner is that it doesn't have to be washed off. It can be hard and a little troublesome to lug a sex toy and its cleaner to the bathroom after a clandestine session and I like how I can just rinse out our toys with water and spritz the cleaner on as a final step in the privacy of my room.

    There isn't really a discreet version of the restoring powder but you could empty out a bottle of baby powder, fill it with cornstarch and have exactly the same thing. Not to mention that it's a lot cheaper in the long run.

    Hope this helps! c: I agree with Lovebirds_x though, even if your sisters find out, I'd think that they are mature and sensitive enough to understand and not give you too much grief about it.

    Have fun! ;)

    Fun Louise [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 7172
    • Joined: 30 Mar 2015

    Emile I second the suggestion of the fleshlight flight, it is slightly smaller than the other fleshlights and it feels very good (OH reports)

    Do you have your own bathroom? Or do you all share? If you have your own, happy days, just clean and pop on top of the towel shelf and leave to dry. Leaving the window open or extractor fan on and it should dry fairly quickly.

    Another option is a mesh bag. The sort of bag that ladies upse to wash their bras in the washing machine. It can be hung up in your room anywhere discrete, Back of the bedroom door is always a good option, plenty of air to dry quickly, and when the door is open, the toy is hidden from view.

    Are your sisters nosey? They will probably ask what was in your box or parcel when it arrives, so have a good answere if you don't want them to know. Or just tell them it's porn. They will not ask any more if you say it's porn and it might be a good way to let them know that you masterbate in the privacy of your room.

    You are all adults and if they find your toy just respond with, honesty, I feel the need to master ate, don't you. Believe me women do! Best wishes

    GeekyEleanor [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 296
    • Joined: 22 Nov 2014

    Definitely agree with what has been said above, but if you're also worried about how to get the toy from the mail to your safe place, you don't have to worry about it as LH ships such big toys in plain cardboard boxes, not unlike Amazon ones (without the Amazon logo of course). There's no way a person can tell there are sex toys in that type of box, and you can always tell your sisters you ordered some books online and that should do the trick.

    And if your sisters find it well... I think they will understand. I mean, they are your sisters, they know what kind of struggle you're having, they should understand.

    Onlyones [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2991
    • Joined: 6 Jul 2009

    Hi Emile,firstly welcome to the Forums.I have never had a Fleshlight so am unable to comment on those but the pocket pussy range are good and cheaper so at least you could see if you actually like the sensation,they also require air drying and treating with cornstarch/cornflour after use.Would it not be possible to sit and speak to your sisters about your needs and the predicament you are in I think you may find that instead of being horrified there is a very good chance they would be sympathetic and if they knew what toy you had no risk of any nasty surprise should they ever find it as they would already know about it.I wish you well and hope things work out.

    Zerlina [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant
    • Posts: 41
    • Joined: 4 Jun 2011

    Well, I don't think it'll end up on the Daily Mail. It's actually really common for men to use sex toys http://www.girlonthenet.com/2014/09/24/male-sex-toys-popular/. As for Facebook, your sisters would need to have a giggly-ashamed attitude towards sex and also want to humiliate you, in a way that could backfire onto them, and hopefully they are nothing like that. Which doesn't mean that you want to discuss your sex life in depth with them, of course, but chances are they would be discreet if they did find out. I'm disabled and have support workers coming in four days a week, and I do sometimes fret that they will get into my sex toy drawer by mistake when hunting for a box of medication or the toenail scissors or what have you. But thankfully I have nice friendly support workers who are grownups about this sort of thing, and I've even had the odd discussion of sex toys with one of them, so I think they'd just close the drawer and move on. I can't speak for what it's like having sisters as I don't have siblings, although thank heaven you're not having to deal with this with parents, but if they grew up with you being a happily sexually active teenager, I don't think this will shock them.

    A depressing number of people think that disabled folk shouldn't have a sexuality. One of the reasons why I prefer to go to the Sexual Health Centre for anything gynaecological rather than my GP is that I've had the odd GP give me very funny looks for trying to discuss medical issues affecting my sex life. I still remember explaining that I wasn't wild about being on tramadol for pain relief because it makes it near impossible to orgasm, and then having to repeat myself because I was getting a "does not compute" reaction from the GP.

    Anyway, I found that there is a lot of social stigma to work through, you can't help but internalise some of it, and it took me quite a while to do that. I ended up writing a guest blog for Girl on the Net about disability and sex which says a lot of what I was going to say here, so here it is: http://www.girlonthenet.com/2015/01/30/reclaiming-wheelchair-sexy-lift-snogs/. She's also published this guest blog on kinky sex and disability: http://www.girlonthenet.com/2014/11/21/sex-and-disability-kinky-sex/. I know quite a few kinky folk who are also disabled.

    In other words, yes, you can continue to be a sexual being even after being hit by disability! Very much so! It's still early days for you, it takes a hell of a long time to adjust, and it must have been horrendous losing your brother too. It's natural for your sex drive to be lower for a while after that sort of experience, especially if you've been internalising any of the shame that disabled people have thrown at them. You'll get there, you'll get your head around the changes, your confidence and sex drive will improve again, and your sisters sound like lovely, supportive women. Get yourself some fabulous sex toys, and if you're worried that you'll be single forever, don't be. There are loads of us who are disabled and have loving partners and great sex lives. I expected that everyone would ignore me when I started online dating, I mean I'm severely disabled and can't work, but I met plenty of friendly folks before meeting my partner.

    Terri JJ [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 12534
    • Joined: 20 Aug 2014

    Hi Emile and welcome to the forums :) x Cant add anything to the great advice you've already been given but just wanted to welcome you xx

    Caliente [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
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    • Joined: 18 Aug 2015

    Zerlina - I loved reading your blog post. It makes me want to snog someone in a lift immediately. Thank you for sharing.

    Emile - I can't give you any practical advice on what to buy, but you can find some threads on here about ways to store (hide) your toys when you share a house. I really hope that your sisters would be more understanding than you think if they found your stash.

    sexytime87 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 722
    • Joined: 10 Oct 2013

    Hello E,

    You could consider trying these new smaller fleshlight go's, they are 17% shorter than the original fleshlight's



    FlexyBexyXXX [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 662
    • Joined: 11 Feb 2013

    If you were interested in the Fleshlight Flight, you could look into the Fleshlight Flight Instructor, which is smaller than the Flight :) Other than that, I'm not sure what else to add that hasn't already been said! :) Welcome to the forums and all the best!

    Penny26 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
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    • Joined: 4 Feb 2015

    Hi welcome to the forum. There is some good advice in the posts above, all I can add is the old favourite of putting toys in a sock and placing them at the back of the sock draw.

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