1. Is there a stigma associated with men using sex toys?


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    This is probably not the right site to ask, but trying to generate an honest discussion here. Women, how do you feel about men using sex toys? My experience is limited, only my wife knows I use toys, (oh, and the whole of this forum! Ha) but the reaction I get from my OH is not altogether overwhelmingly positive when I let my mood overcome me, reach for the butt plug, vibrator and flip hole. I get a sense that she thinks it pervy of me to do it. It certainly doesn't turn her on to see me like that. I would like to think it would, but she almost makes a point of not looking at me. But then she can't get enough of the toys on her when we're having sex!

    I have said to hell with it, and enjoy myself anyway. The orgasms are amazing! But I don't think it's doing great things for our sexual connection! Makes me a bit sad thinking it through and writing it out. Help! :(

    Lovebirds_x [sign in to see picture]
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    You using sex toys is no more pervy than her using sex toys. It sounds like she is a bit jealous! Perhaps a talk involving reassuring her is in order? She might be insecure that you're replacing her with toys, or even just that you're masturbating instead of having sex with her. It happens!

    But yes. There is a stigma with either gender using sex toys, and definitely more so with male toys. It's getting better but it's there, and it's still easier for a woman to admit to using toys than it is for a man. It depends on the people you associate with, of course, as to how much you experience it in your own life but it is without a doubt there in society. I'm very into guys using toys, and I talk about them with my male friends (not in a pervy way) often...but I am also sadly aware that I am the only person they can talk to about them without embarrassment or judgement.

    At least we have places like this to be able to be open and not judged, eh? :)

    slinkykinky [sign in to see picture]
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    I think in general women are more open about using toys than men are, but I think the number of men using toys is increasing and it isn't something I have an issue with at all. We have more couples toys and toys for me, but we still have a good number of male toys as well.

    Have you spoken to your wife about how she feels about male toys? Is there a possibility that she may be feeling a little insecure and worrying that you won't want her if you enjoy your toys too much? If she used the toys on you, she might start to feel differently about them.


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    Yes, I totally need somewhere like this to chat with people. Though I have got in trouble with wife for how graphic my descriptions have been, when I sent her a link asking you all for your toy advice. So may just have to tone that down a bit! :-/

    I don't what the problem is. May be jealousy. Though I don't know. When we have sex she is more then satisfied. Cuming multiple times, we use a lot of toys together and it's fun. And she has 5 times the number of toys I do. She doesn't masturbate. Can't even touch herself with her fingers during sex. Says its gross. I cant get enough of the touching, and everywhere I can. We have a mismatched libido. I need to cum 2 or 3 times a day. She's once a week. If that. So it's all on her terms when we have sex. So end up sorting myself out. Urghhhh, just heard myself saying that.

    But it's probably the same old same old. Work, house, kids, tiring you out, too tired. I guess. I dunno. To be honest, I feel nothing, literally nothing is more important then at the end of every day, or almost every day, or in the afternoon or whenever, wherever, connecting in the most personal way you can. It's just a feeling that isn't reciprocated.

    Clearly issues here. I see that spelling it out like this. Moving away from sex toys, to general sex issues. Perhaps the sex you issue she may or may not have is just a manifestation of these issues :(

    B-B [sign in to see picture]
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    I love that Mr. B uses toys. I think it helps keep his stamina. I am usually the one buying toys for him. Maybe you two could pick out your next toy together. Maybe she could even use it on you the first time, so it's not just for a solo act?

    Purring-Pussy [sign in to see picture]
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    I think it may be because ladies had sex toys before men came on the market. I have bought sex toys for my partner and love using them with him, or I'm happy for him to use them by himself. I have a male swinging partner, who finds it rather odd that men should have sex toys. I bought him a stroker, asked him to close his eyes, while I lubed it up and tried to use it on him. He jumped out of his skin and insisted he didn't want to use such things, as it's not normal! I was awfully disappointed.

    Sarahgee [sign in to see picture]
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    I love it when hubby uses Toys :) it's a total turn on! But, then again.. I consider myself to be a disgusting pervert LOL. ;)

    SubClaire90 [sign in to see picture]
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    I think theres more of a stigma to them using them on themselves rather than on a partner..which is very sad. I love seeing the OH play..i think its such a turn on

    KinkyFuckery [sign in to see picture]
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    I have no issue my OH having sex toys I would much rather him enjoying himself with a toy rather than another ladies pussy. If it gives him pleasure and he enjoys it so what I have my own collection of toys & he doesn't get offended if I play with my toys he doesnt get jeaslous so why should I ?

    Sanguine_bazaar [sign in to see picture]
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    I think that the main reason that there is a stigma is latent homophobia and being unmanly. As you have two main types of sex toys for men, strokers/fleshlights and anal toys. Fleshlights are vaginas in a can and if you have use one of them you can't get the real thing and you're not a real man and for anal toys is anything in the butt makes me gay thing. Both are wrong but explain the stigma

    DeadBoy [sign in to see picture]
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    I haven't experienced any stigma and have talked about sex toys with my girlfriend and male friends


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    Not to be rude. But it sounds like your has double standards if you ask me, why is it ok for her yet not for you.

    sarahkitty [sign in to see picture]
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    I think there is a little more stigma for men but I don't know why. I felt embarrassed when I first got a vibrator but it seems many girls / ladies have them now and they are talked and joked about and the expectation now is that you probably do have a vibrator. Maybe because a vibrator is sometimes described to help women rather than the pure pleasure device it really is. I don't see any problem with men using a toy, my husband masturbates and has used a Fleshlight for a few years now.

    Briona87 [sign in to see picture]
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    I would be much happier to find out my new boyfriend (if I ever get one *sighs*) has been having fun with his toy collection than to learn he has had many one-night stands and no-strings sex. And I would be quite happy to use many toys on/with him, should he like to do that.

    I do, however, admit that sex dolls give me the creeps - Fleshlights, vibes, plugs and masturbators I am completely fine with (seeing my own toy collection is getting rather large I would see no reason to think any worse of a guy who has a goodies box - or two, lol - himself) but those "dead", artificial eyes and faces (and, to some extent, hands as well) dolls have just scare me. I don't think that is a gender-related prejudice, though, I would be equally scared by a male doll for ladies. Just too "corpsy" for my personal liking, eek.


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    Thanks for comments everybody. Interesting that there seems to be a consensus that there IS a social stigma. And some interesting ideas as to why. Sanguine, I have thought this also. Though you could say the same about a dildo for a women, replacing a guy, but as someone I think said the vibrator is there to help, and isn't replacing anything, rather helping women have better sex, and providing something that male anatomy can't. So it's accepted. Maybe? And so once the vibrator made toys socially acceptable for women, then women using toys in general because acceptable. Think the stigma is also linked to social perception of how a man and woman should be. For example, 'is a woman not enough for you, man? You should just go take her' grrrr all cave man like. A perception from sexes. If this is the case well, it's not going to change any time soon. I dunno.


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    Sarahgee wrote:

    I love it when hubby uses Toys :) it's a total turn on! But, then again.. I consider myself to be a disgusting pervert LOL. ;)


    Little Strummer Boy [sign in to see picture]
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    Good question.

    I'm not sure if there is a stigma surrounding the use of toys, but not sure if it's something men discuss.

    It's probably the one secret that I have from my closest friends. I think they'd be curious and would have probably thought about buying them themselves but its a tricky conversation to have.

    Tussilago [sign in to see picture]
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    I think there's definitely a "pervert" connotation to male sex toy use, while it's almost expected for women to at least have some shitty vibe or dildo. The view of anal play as emasculating can probably also play a big role in her behaviour. Talk it out, you shouldn't have to be judged for something she herself enjoys.

    hislilmissy [sign in to see picture]
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    Hot Dog wrote:

    I have said to hell with it, and enjoy myself anyway. The orgasms are amazing! But I don't think it's doing great things for our sexual connection! Makes me a bit sad thinking it through and writing it out. Help! :(

    I think that there is too much taboo around men and sex. I mean, men do ANYTHING sexual and it's automatically pervy. Women do anything sexual and it's automatically sexy as hell. Ugh. As a woman, I love watching my man handle his... tools. He is the only one who knows EXACTLY what he likes, and I can learn how to better please him from watching him.

    As far as her saying you are pervy for doing it but loving them when y'all have sex, that is so hypocritcal! Maybe dig deeper as to why she thinks that way? Ask questions? Ask if she would like to use toys on you. I can't imagine being so hypocritical without some meaning for it! Especially if it was taking a toll on my relationship.

    flaneur [sign in to see picture]
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    There is a stigma. I've even witnessed people trying to justify women using toys while posting less than complimentary comments about men using them. But there are a lot of people now who either don't care and don't have a problem with either sex using them.

    The source of the problem in most cases is ignorance, anal sex and homosexuality were much more taboo 20 years ago. People will eventually figure out that they are only denying themselves more sexual pleasure with their closed mind and their ego.

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