1. Friends with benefits what's you experience?

    Poppicat [sign in to see picture]
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    I became fwb with a good freind at the begining of last year it only lasted 6 weeks or so before i started dating someone. The sex for me was rubbish as he lasted no more than 90 seconds once we started penitration. But i think at the time it was the touching and kissing a really desiared. He was great at that part.
    We are still really good friends now we both have oh. It might of got akward if it lasted longer.

    magicnumber69 [sign in to see picture]
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    Briona87 wrote:

    I know I wouldn't be able to handle the FWB thing at all. However much I lack any form of intimacy, this just doesn't feel appealing to me. A few years ago, one guy at school approached me (out of the blue, actually, I was really surprised), saying that since I was the only woman under 30 he knew about who wasn't seeing anyone, he, a guy who didn't get any in a bit, would be willing to shag me from time to time, no strings attached, of course." A relationship," he said, "is only a bit of encumbrance, and you should be glad to accept my offer." Well, I was really tempted.... tempted to smash a chair against his back. I did, however, manage to stay polite, telling him this really wasn't my cup of tea. Instead of going away, the silly boy went on, offering me a bottle of moonshine from Moravia his grandpa made, in exchange for sex... Okay, I was lonely but this was really pitiful..

    Geez, didn't think much of himself this guy, did he?! Maybe it would've been worth wasting a chair on him, or shoving that bottle of moonshine where the sun don't shine, with that attitude! What an insufferable prat! The kind of guy who actually deserves to live a sad and lonely life.

    For me, sexual attraction is very much about good communication, honesty, ability to laugh together, hoping to make a permanent end to loneliness, feelings of responsibility and safety, sharing, and enjoying each other's company in great many ways; I believe these would be on the list of items that are hidden under the simple, yet so complicated (and often misused, or misinterpreted) concept called "love". The number of people I don't mind meeting in the streets is huge, there are many people I can communicate with politely when doing my shopping - the number of people I would really enjoy spending a 10 hours long flight, however, is significantly lower, there are not many people I would consider "real" friends who I can always lend my ear to, and the number of people I can share my home with long term while trusting them implicitly is limited to my closest family. In other words, the more I am supposed to share, the lower the number of people I am totally comfortable (or even able to honour the qualities of various levels of closeness "properly" - you can only have so many real friends, no matter what Facebook lists indicate) to share with - and when it comes to special emotional and physical intimacy, I feel there is a space for just one man (sadly enough, the space is empty).

    I guess others may have different "comfort zones" and capacities for sharing, though.

    I'm with you all the way there, Briona. For me, it's as much about commonality, communication (I dont just mean how easy you find it to talk to a person, but how easy you find it to be open and honest with them, too), humour and trust, as well as sexual chemistry. There's nothing wrong with being selective about who you wish to share yourself with, especially that side of yourself you only wish to share with one person in particular and I'm sure I'm not the only man who shares your philosophy and I'm certain he will appreciate you all the more for it.
    ScarletRose [sign in to see picture]
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    I've never really had relationships before. I've had one recently, but all my sexual experiences beforehand were casual. FWB was my norm for a while. I think communication is key, but so often it's avoided and can be difficult if boundaries aren't set. I think it can work, but you've got to be open, honest, communicative and careful with eachother.

    Peitho [sign in to see picture]
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    I think FWB relationships can work if you're both in exactly the right mind frame for it, maybe after coming out of a difficult relationship where you just want no strings attached fun but it would never work for me. I don't think I could remain emotions free, I'd either get attached to the other person in which case would would be letting myself in for a load of hurt when they found a relationship they wanted to be in or if I didn't get the emotional bond, I just don't think the sex would continue to work for me. For those of you it does work for, great and congratulations but not for me I'm afraid.

    Briona87 [sign in to see picture]
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    magicnumber69> Well, I do indeed hope that one day I can actually manage to meet someone who doesn't find me to dull and soppy ;-)

    (BTW, the most amusing thing about the moonshine for sex incident is that I don't even drink (I have to force myself to get through one glass of wine should the necessity arise on social occasions where I cannot refuse it, but that's about it; and I certainly wouldn't fancy any moonshine slivovitz, I don't exactly fancy turning blind...

    And the guy is really silly, I found out that another ingenious theory of his was that a sexual act that couldn't lead to pregnancy (e.g. oral sex) doesn't actually count as infidelity, or anything overly intimate, after all; apparently he tended to beg for blow jobs saying that his flatmate's gf once took pity on him and gave him one in the shower. Well, perhaps he grows up one day... (rolls eyes))

    magicnumber69 [sign in to see picture]
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    @Briona87: I had that same concern, about someone finding me a bit dull; I'm quite approachable online, but irl I struggle. My social skills really let me down and I use my humour and eccentricity to mask it. Fortunately, my gf is pretty much the same as I am and doesn't mix well in social circles; thank goodness for the global interweb; I'd be perpetually single, otherwise!

    I'm certain you too will find someone you click with and will take the time to get to know you. And, like myself, you might not have even been looking, at the time!

    mnms [sign in to see picture]
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    I fell for someone who considered me just a FWB, at least that's what I think in hindsight. We just used to hang out and do all non-intercourse sex acts, but at the time I convinced myself that it meant he liked me and would eventually ask me out. However, he was really abusive and messed me up for a long time. The lack of respect, affection and boundaries ended up with him having violent, non-consensual sex with me, which he has bullied me about since. So I really don't advocate FWB haha.

    I have had one night stands and casual flings with people that I know for sure I don't want to date long term but even then I've still experienced feelings of rejection when they don't want to meet a second time or whatever. I'm much more of an all or nothing kind of gal I think, much happier in a relationship where the feelings are all reciprocated. But there is nothing wrong with a bit of casual fun if both parties are on the same page and they have respect for each other.

    Kinkykt34 [sign in to see picture]
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    I have been having a similar relationship with someone for the last few months. Coming out of a boring 6 yr relationship I wanted to find some excitement. Everything has been going fine we have both been meeting others but still spending time together. I had been trying to keep it casual and not spend a whole night with him but recently broke that rule twice. Think that was my downfall really and where I started to see things different. Went to see him performing, doing his job at a public show knowing he was potentially meeting up with someone. Luckily I bumped into him before he was meeting the 'other' but the wave of sickness that consumed me was too much. He went to give me a hug and a kiss but I backed off. We are now not the same I had to admit how I really felt and I think it's all messed up. Sometimes they can work. I guess it depends on the people I wouldn't say I would never get involved in this type of relationship again but I think I would set up some rules first.

    blonde vixen13 [sign in to see picture]
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    I had a few guys who I had a fbw relationship with. Ocassionaly I would feel a niggle of jealousy if they told me they had met someone so we had to stop what we had but that was usually enough to spur me into making more of an effort to go out and find someone myself.
    I found if I knew I had a FwB Available he was like a subtitle bf so I didn't put myself out on the dating scene. I knew I could have regular sex and have someone to go for drinks with if I wanted and that was enough to satisfy me.
    So having a FwB was good and bad for me. But I don't regret any of them. In still good friends with those guys and could probably tell them anything that was upsetting me. We have all moved on and are married now.

    kinkylittlesod [sign in to see picture]
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    i wish i had a fwb

    naughty mum [sign in to see picture]
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    Well my experience with my fwb is omg!!
    After being in an abusive relationship for the best part of 20 years, two kids, a divorce, and have a major op, that basically piled on the weight( now losing hand over fist)...... Any activity that not only makes me feel sexy and a desirable woman again has got to be good.
    I am rediscovering my sexual self again... And my fwb keeps coming back for more.... So I must be doing something right!.
    I am not nieeve.... It is all about sex.... No strings.... But this lass is getting far more out of it...
    At 43... We can tend to feel left behind....
    I am sure my experience with my fwb will allow me to open up far more to the next true partner.
    I am relearning some old skills I thought I had forgotten.... But most important, I feel like a woman again.... Not a wife...or mum....or sister...or daughter.... But a sexy... Minx who still has plenty of life in the engine!
    Naughtymum is in da house!

    sexynurse09 [sign in to see picture]
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    I had a couple of fwb when I was single. They were also single. We had a lot of fun and none if the commitment, which is exactly what I wanted after 2 serious relationships. We are still friends now and don't regret anything for a minute. I have fond memories of our nights together. I stopped it when I got with my current partner, which my friends totally understood.

    I'm now happy in a monogamous relationship with my boyfriend. I think FWB can work, it depends on the circumstances and what you both want. If one if you is going to get too attached (which is always a risk) then it's not just a bit of fun anymore.

    KeptLocked [sign in to see picture]
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    I had one for a while when I was single. It worked very well for us as we w're both busy people and it suited at the time. I'd usually pop around to hers and stay the night or she'd ring me to come over.

    We had known each other for a long time and I can't remember exactly how it first came up in conversation but I do remember that we set ground rules before we started.

    I guess it lasted for about 6 months before she started to get serious about another one of our friends and so we stopped. I still see them occasionally and we're all on good terms. I don't know if she ever toldhim or not but if she did it hasn't soured our friendship.

    ToGildALily [sign in to see picture]
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    Sorry to dig up an old thread but couldn't see sense in creating a new one.

    I'm in a fwb relationship, we've known each other for over a year and it has had its ups and downs. I know some of my friends don't approve but I think because they don't quite understand that it's not something totally removed of any feeling and it's not some sordid thing. He is a great friend, we have lots in common and we do plenty of normal friend stuff but also your usual couple stuff too. What is stopping us having a full blown relationship is neither of us cope well with long distance so it's casual and we do make effort to see each other but with no expectation of it being a regular thing like once or twice a month. Also I know he has been burned in the past by bad relationships so I can understand if he was taking his time with any new one. I'm patient and I think he has been hurt quite badly. I have in the past myself too.

    The other thing is that we have an amazing connection with each other that we just haven't had with anybody else. We're both open to try things, we can talk about our desires and so much else. His feeling is that he feels that it isn't purely physical, it isn't totally emotional but something else and I do agree. It's fun to see what we make of it and where it could go.

    Am I happy? Yes because I have a great friend and a fantastic lover and with any relationship I think that friendship is a great foundation to have.

    Alicia4Ever [sign in to see picture]
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    I have been down the FWB route, it was purely a sex thing with us, but I was starting to want more from a relationship; not necessarily with her, so she mored on. At least thats why I think she moved on.

    What I'm saying is where the trouble with a FWB relationship can go horribly wrong is if one of you becomes emotionally invested.

    I think your friends don't approve because FWB doen' fit in to a standard lable of a relationship. A lot of people don't like things that doesn't fit with their view of how the world should be. If this is good for you both at this time in your lives then IMO if it was me I would find the friends concerned to be less than supportive of my personal choices. They would come down in my view of them; it's times like this when you find out who your real friends are. I'm not saying I would ditch them as friends, just it would make me aware that they want me to be just like them, and are not accepting of me for who I am. Too many people are stuck in the past. !!!

    Enjoy this good thing you have found, such things can be hard to find, FWB, or a more, shall I say conventional relationship.

    ToGildALily [sign in to see picture]
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    Alicia4Ever, yup I know one of my best friends is very traditional in that she has dated, met her person got married and had children and she personally couldn't be in such a relationship as I am in as she feels she'd have to have a emotional connection. I guess that depends upon what you define as an "emotional connection" really as I certainly have one with my fwb as he's my friend and I like being around him. It's just different. I'm allowed to care and have affection for him but it's just being mindful that it doesn't get too much and also to not let others sway my feelings just to please them because it's not a proper boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. That is very difficult but I've learned how to cope with that myself.

    I think that's what confuses some people is that exclusivity; neither of us sleep with anybody else, we aren't dating anybody and that was something we both agreed on. There are many reasons for that.

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