£1.59 Next Day delivery! Hurry ends in ...
  1. What does the word Love mean to you?

    1523379864
    More Sexy at 50 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
    • Posts: 297
    • Joined: 6 Mar 2017

    AmyA wrote:

    I haven’t read the whole thread so apologies if this has been talked about but the Ancient Greeks defined 7 kinds of love, Eros (love of the body, sexual love), philia (love of the mind, brotherly love, shared values) Ludas (playful or teasing love), Pragma (longstanding love, develops over time, profound understanding of each other) Agape (selfless, love of humanity, giving without expectation, charity) Storge (love of a child, forgiveness, sacrifice, naturuand effortless).

    My question would be how many of those do we need on our lives (giving and receiving) to feel complete? I cannot honestly say I don't feel loved but a number of these are missing and I can't say I feel complete or happy which makes me feel guilty when I know people do their best to make me feel love.

    Incidentally there is also a theory of how we express love and what means love to us called the 5 love languages, if someone expresses love in a different way to how to view love you can feel unfulfilled or unloved.

    AmyA,

    That's really interesting stuff, thank you. I'm not sure I can answer your question fully and can only comment from my own exeprience.

    Ludas - I guess this means flirtation and since I met my Wife a long time ago, not something I've engaged in seriously, but I guess I've done some flirting for a bit of fun occassionally, but with no intention to take things further. I'm not sure this is a life enhancing type of love and I'm not completely sure it's needed to meet a life partner, but could be a prelude.

    Eros - well for me I was initially sexually attracted to my Wife before any other form of love and I guess that's not uncommon. Although I find other women sexually attractive I don't have a desire to want to have sex with them. This aspect of our love was a concern for me and we are taking action to rekindle this. I find intimate sensual and sexual acts with my Wife strengthen our "bond" as a couple. For me this is an essential part of feeling "complete" and happy and I had been missing this for a long time.

    Pragma - I found that this developed quite quickly for me, I enjoyed my Wife's company and she became my best friend, we are still best friends. We work well together as a "team" managing chores that go with life. For my Wife this is what she thinks of when she thinks of love. This aspect of love is very reassuring and it's hard to imagine not being together, I would say that this is important ot me to feel "complete".

    Philia - well I find my Wife to be intellectually stimulating and interesting and although I'd not thought of that as a form of love, I guess it's true. This may also be the form of love that makes you "best friends". Not sure this specifically makes me feel "complete", but it adds to the overall feeling of love, I guess I respect her views and opinions and listen to her, we are "equals". Regarding "brotherly" love, that may be better described as being accepted in to a social or peer group. Personally, I don't feel the "need" for this type of love as strongly, but I think my Wife does as she is much more socially active than I am.

    Storge - well I've already decribed how I felt when my daughters were born and I recognise this form of love, although I would say that Agape is important with this. Until we had children I didn't "get this" at all and it's not something my parents talked about. I've made sure my daughters know how I feel about them and how I felt at their births. We nearly didn't have children and I'm sure it's not for everyone, but for both of us our daughters have made our lives complete.

    Agape - there's a song by Bear's Den on this, that album is very good, it's about love and loss so you have to be in a certain frame of mind to listen to it ! I see this is defined a bit wider then just selflessness towards family. For me this comes naturally with the other forms of love, does it make me feel "complete", probably not just part of how I feel; additive to the whole.

    What was the seventh ?

    I think I can also relate to your last paragraph. When I raised the issue that we didn't have enough "Eros" in our relationship my Wife was worried that I was unhappy and would leave her. For her she was thinking of "Prama". It's taken us around a year to discuss/understand this and for me to reassure her that I still love her deeply in other ways than just "Eros".

    AmyA, I'm picking up some "bad vibes" from your post. Finding a life partner is not easy. If this is what you want to feel "complete" and happy then you have to be bold and meet people who you are attracted to and who may be attracted to you. Don't be hard on yoursefl, be generous with yourself. Being happy with who you are is what will make you the most "complete" and happy.

    From what I've seen of your posts you definitely demonstrate Agape, you are very geenrous with your exepriences and suggestions and we all appreciate that.

    X

    MS@50

    1523386007
    AmyA [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 545
    • Joined: 21 Feb 2016

    MS@50 thank you for your thoughtful and open response. I think one of the points is that most of these types of love can be felt/given outside of a 'romantic' relationship (incidently I see ludas less as a flirty type of love and more of say a sibling, playful teasing type love) philia can be felt for someone you greatly admire their knowledge and can listen to them talk about their interest for hours.

    I have felt a lot of these, I have loved people's minds and felt admiration in return for things I have a knowledge of, I have siblings I love who show me love back and there is a degree of pragma there too, since we understand each other, my parents show me love and of course I love them too, I can't have children of my own but I have niece's and a nephew I love so much it hurts so I guess I have some degree of storthe and agape - well I will forever be amazed by humanity's ability before empathy and the kindness of strangers has brought me to tears on many occasions (the gift is AMAZING by way, must get a review written!), I try to show agape every day at every opportunity.

    So, all these are obtainable outside a 'romanric' relationship BUT a romantic partner is the only person that can love you in every way possible and the implication is always there in the mind that failure to find someone must mean some part of you is implicitly unlovable. You say yourself that Eros was an important part of feeling complete for you. As I say i feel guilt because I am can see I am loved yet without someone to love the 'whole package' if you like I will always feel not good enough. I love so much, in all ways, I am passionate about everything but when that is not reciprocated and sometimes down right taken advantage of it is exhausting, all I want is for someone to want to spend time with me, miss me and think of me when we are not together, like I do with all the people I love.

    At 36 years old, never having been in a relationship, having little opportunity to meet people and anxiety, there just seems too many obstacles, before we even get to a point of discussing that I can't give them children so I have now pretty much given up hope.

    Sorry for yet another long rambling post and yes you're right there are only 6 there, I'll have to go back and see what's missing!

    1523387332
    AmyA [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 545
    • Joined: 21 Feb 2016

    The 7th is Philautia, love of the self (pretty sure we are all experts on 'loving' ourselves here!๐Ÿ˜‚)

    Looking again I think your understanding of ludas is more accurate than mine, so that's another one missing ๐Ÿ˜‚

    1523436593
    More Sexy at 50 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
    • Posts: 297
    • Joined: 6 Mar 2017

    AmyA wrote:

    The 7th is Philautia, love of the self (pretty sure we are all experts on 'loving' ourselves here!๐Ÿ˜‚)

    Looking again I think your understanding of ludas is more accurate than mine, so that's another one missing ๐Ÿ˜‚

    AmyA, I'll bow to your knowledge on this, I hadn't come across these 7 forms of love before, these Ancient Greeks were pretty smart !!

    You are correct all these forms of love can be felt/given outside of a "romantic" relationship. It sounds like you have a loving family, you love and are loved; that's fantastic. Please learn to love yourself for who you are, accept yourself. As you know I suffered with depression for many years and had some very dark days and thoughts because I forgot to love myself and have confidence in myself. From my experience that is more important than a relationship in terms of feeling happy and "complete". When I was made redundant I wanted to make changes to myself and my life. That involved losing weight, getting fit and drinking less. It sounds simple, but that made me feel so much better about myself and my confidence. Although I was on an emotional "roller coaster" for many months last year I found I started to feel happier and content. Do you have a very close friend or sister, or may be even consider a counsellor, to help you "cold" analyse your life and find if there is anything you want to change ? I don't know you, but I sense a strong and positive person who can build their self confidence, self esteem and overcome anxieties. When we are younger we take this for granted, but as we get older and accumulate life experiences it can be eroded.

    What kind of people do you find "attractive", who do you "like" and want to spend time with ? Personally, people who seem comfortable with themselves seem more "attractive" and I don't just mean in a sexual sense. Start with loving and accepting yourself and if there are things you want to change, then be positive and go about changing those things. Doing new things like joining a gym, with a friend or sister, will mean you will interact and meet new people, for example. Or join a running club or whatever you like to do. I've met some great people this way and we have something in common to engage, discuss and get to know each other. Maybe you need to change your career or job or where you live, only you will know what will help you catalyse a change.

    There's no other way to say this without sounding cruel, but it can be difficult to find a meaningful relationship with someone. In that process there are ups and downs, fundementally you have to love yourself and have confidence in yourself to do this as you need resilliance of spirit and mind. Don't despair as you can increase your chances by putting a simple and imcrementally achievable action plan together; it helps to do this with a close friend or sister or counsellor. That sounds so analytical, but it's important to be clear on what you want to do and achieve.

    I'm at an age where we have friends who have split up, divorced and found new partners successfully. You are still young and if you are willing to try new things, meet new people then you too can find someone. You will need courage, self confidence and love yourself for who you are, be happy and content. A meaningful relationship is then not about making you happy, but making you happier.

    Sorry this is so rambling, I hope I've given you some food for thought.

    X

    MS@50

    1523439128
    AmyA [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 545
    • Joined: 21 Feb 2016

    MS@50, once again thank you for a thoughtful, detailed and honest post. I am at work at present and need opportunity to properly consider you words and my response but just wanted to let you know I had read it and appreciate it.

    1523446980
    More Sexy at 50 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
    • Posts: 297
    • Joined: 6 Mar 2017

    AmyA wrote:

    MS@50, once again thank you for a thoughtful, detailed and honest post. I am at work at present and need opportunity to properly consider you words and my response but just wanted to let you know I had read it and appreciate it.

    AmyA, you don't have to reply, I just want you to be happy and content.

    1523483606
    Knight1119 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
    • Posts: 140
    • Joined: 22 Sep 2014

    Love seems to have many different meanings to everyone. I donโ€™t know what love is.

    1523486884
    Tazzy84red [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 835
    • Joined: 18 Aug 2017

    Wanting to kill your hubby at times but can't imagine a day without him lol

    Post a reply to this thread

    Please sign in to post messages to the forum.