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  1. What does the word Love mean to you?

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    malechauvinist [sign in to see picture]
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    flaneur wrote:

    Almost as amazing as how quickly they stop loving you when you run out of money and everyone else finally gets their own car. or when they've been with you long enough to leave with a "share" of your assets. Or they find someone even richer.

    I can closely relate to that!

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    MattB [sign in to see picture]
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    Don't get me wrong, I'd take a bullet for her without a moment's hesitation... but I can still imagine that I'd be re-evaluating how I felt if she cheated on me, for example.

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    Lou22 [sign in to see picture]
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    I think like MattB said I think there are certain things that can damage a relationship, even cause it to end like infidelity, violence so in that way it is perhaps conditional having said that if those things were to happen would the relationship end - maybe, would I stop loving him though? Probably not, feelings like that don't just disappear.

    Of course there are people out there that value money and status over other things and tell you they love you but I personally don't think things like that are what's important so would argue they're just lying to get what they want which isn't love at all and many of us will have been on the receiving end of that at one time or another.

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    DavidB1986 [sign in to see picture]
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    Love is still wanting to spend time with me, even after i've been a massive arse.

    Love is not complaining even when i've played the same album over and over, and refuse to stop singing along to it.

    Love is what gives me hope, that even in my darkest hour, there is always someone there for me.

    Love is never being alone, or scared.

    That's what love is to me.

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    PlumCake [sign in to see picture]
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    Well said Annsie - opinions are great, and many people feel love doesn't exist (or is at most a chemical reaction). However, the majority of people do believe in love and we shouldn't discredit anyone for their opinions.

    I'd also like to make the point that if a relationship ends, it doesn't mean you didn't love each other. It's perfectly possible to fall out of love, and it's not necessarily a permanent thing. That's a very black-and-white view to have. My parents had 20 happy years together, before they separated on good terms. They both care a great deal for each other and they have two kids together. Their love is (and was) no less valid than a current love.

    Tracey Cox wrote an article about this and something she said stuck with me: 'Just because a relationship didn't last forever, doesn't mean it was a failure'. And she's so right - my parents relationship isn't 'failed', it came to its natural end.

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    Alastor [sign in to see picture]
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    One of the main reasons for the diversity of views advanced on love, is cogently explained by Nietzsche when he examined the idea of punishment, which likewise suffered an accretion of ideas over time:

    "all concepts in which an entire process is semiotically concentrated elude definition; only that which has no history is definable."

    Concerning the emotion as bio-chemical reaction trope: this would be accurate, but all thought and emotion is just that anyway, and what we experience as consciousness bears little relation to the competing processes that determine our actions and experience.

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    flaneur [sign in to see picture]
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    malechauvinist wrote:

    I can closely relate to that!

    Ah maybe that's because you've experienced the same "love" that I have. I guess that makes us special.

    It seems like some people have a problem with me not seeing love as being so special. Those of you who do have nice healthy relationships good for you I'm very happy for you. I don't have a current relationship therefore I don't have an unconditional love. The "loves" of the past can remain in the past and the bridges can be burned.

    Annsie wrote:

    Personally, right now, I have never been more certain of anything more in my life than my UNCONDITIONAL love for my OH, and I respect your right to have an opinion, but I would also appreciate it if you didn't feel the need to discredit other people's emotions/opinions. I know how I feel, and just because you don't feel it, doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

    There is nothing he could do that would make me leave him or stop loving him, and I know he feels the same way. I would take a bullet for the boy, and he'd do the same for me.

    Just one question. You and your relationship has got nothing to do with me and my opinion on the word "love" will never change anything about it. Why do you feel the need to defend the validity of your relationship?

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    Annsie [sign in to see picture]
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    Lucy, I totally agree! No one ever said that love HAS to be permanent, unconditional, and perfect - well, except maybe some dead poets and writers.

    It's an emotion. People experience emotions differently, and to different effect. Unrequited love is also a thing - just because the feeling isn't returned, it doesn't mean that the original emotion doesn't exist.

    flaneur, maybe you have experienced love. Just because it wasn't unconditional and unending, doesn't mean it wasn't love.

    Just one question. You and your relationship has got nothing to do with me and my opinion on the word "love" will never change anything about it. Why do you feel the need to defend the validity of your relationship?

    "For those of you saying that just I think like this because I haven't experienced "love" That's because you don't know what love is."

    I found that rude. Pretty much it. Why wouldn't I feel the need to validate my relationship when someone's essentially calling it bullshit? Of course I'm going to defend my feelings/opinion.

    Personally, I know this is going to sound awful, and I've never felt like this before, but my love for my OH is unconditional. I wouldn't leave him even if he cheated on me, and I know he wouldn't leave me in the same situation (hypothetically speaking, neither scenario is going to happen).

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    Suzywong [sign in to see picture]
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    For me its something that is deep and long lasting… It does not have to be said every 5 mins either… if you love someone they should know and so should you. The fact that someone has to keep telling you dilutes the meaning of it and tends to say to me that they are not sure of how they feel because they maybe need re-assurance off you by means of a acknowledgement or a ‘I love you too’ back….

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    WildThing [sign in to see picture]
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    Love is (to me) something that grows over time, perhaps something that expands and develops. It starts as a smile, or a thought or a moment, and can be the basis of a whole future.

    Love is that feeling of togetherness and tenderness that simply cannot be shared with another human being... it's the closeness, the fondness of that person and the seemingly blindness to their troubles and strains which you cope with, day by day. Love is being a shoulder to lean, or cry or climb upon. To me, love is cherishing the holding of hands or the smiling in the rain, or the lightest of touches at a saddening time. It is the warm feeling in your tummy when you return home, or the gentle finger which smoothes away a tear as it falls down your cheek, or down theirs. It's the feeling that actually, if the world ended, there would be one person you'd want to hold their hand as it went dark, and the feeling that hopefully, they'd hold yours back.

    When you've got that.... and you get that feeling, then no matter what life throws at you, you know you love them, and always will.

    Tell them you love them.......... just as I would say those words tomorrow....... because to someone who loves you back, those words could mean the world......

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    More Sexy at 50 [sign in to see picture]
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    Wild thing, this is a thread from 2014 and interesting to read, I like the description, sentiment and words you have used and it's the way I feel about my Wife. There is no discussion of loving others on the thread. When my daughters were born there was an instant and overwhelming sense of love that I still feel for them today. I don't associate love with sexual feelings, love is caring unconditionally about another persons wellbeing before your own. You cannot imagine life without them. My Wife had to have a major heart operation when our daughters were very small, I'm crying now just remembering how I felt, so helpless, so worried. PS all went well, but at the time it was very upsetting.

    Do you think sexual attraction comes before love for your partner ?

    In my case it was sexual attraction first, but as I got to know her I realised how much she meant to me, that I loved her too. I get that odd physical sensation in my stomach when I see my Wife, not a sexual sensation, more an emotional sensation that I think is love and caring, wanting her to be happy and safe. My Wife has been away for the weekend and I'm missing her. I did work away for around 6 years during my career. That was hell leaving every week, I used to sob uncontrollably as I drove to London, God knows what other drivers thought if they saw me.

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    More Sexy at 50 [sign in to see picture]
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    This thread had moments of people disrespecting each other, not cool.

    I'm a PhD chemist by educational background, so the thread bits on love being a biochemical reaction is true, but so are all our emotions and thoughts, it's all biochemical, but that doesn't take away from the experience of feeling and emotion, it's okay in my mind to characterise that in to descriptions of love or anger or whatever the emotion is, it's part of the human experience.

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    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    My definition of love is when you cherish someone ,do anything for them and when there is that special feeling between the 2 of you,often referred to as chemistry.

    The terms Love and sex sometimes get mixed up by some IMO as you can have sex with someone without love.

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    More Sexy at 50 [sign in to see picture]
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    mysteron wrote:

    My definition of love is when you cherish someone ,do anything for them and when there is that special feeling between the 2 of you,often referred to as chemistry.

    The terms Love and sex sometimes get mixed up by some IMO as you can have sex with someone without love.

    Agreed, love and sex are often mixed up.

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    WildThing [sign in to see picture]
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    More Sexy at 50 wrote:

    Wild thing, I like the description, sentiment and words you have used and it's the way I feel about my Wife. There is no discussion of loving others on the thread. Do you think sexual attraction comes before love for your partner ?

    My Wife has been away for the weekend and I'm missing her. I did work away for around 6 years during my career. That was hell leaving every week, I used to sob uncontrollably as I drove to London, God knows what other drivers thought if they saw me.

    Hi MS@50,

    Only just seen your reply... thanks for taking the time to write such an extensive response. It is the least I can do to reply...

    Sexual attraction with my partner only came after meeting her... I know some people have sexual attraction by sight but mine is much more focused on her personality. When I feel loved, cherished and have spent time alongside her doing some of the most mundane things, actually that feeling of togetherness creates that emotion and lust for sexual togetherness too. Like a continuation of a joint feeling. Don't get me wrong, she looks the part too and I find her sexually attractive, but to me, the shared experiences, shared conversations and shared togetherness are equally if not more important.

    As for loving others, in my opinion, no love can compare to the love for one's children. I would never see them come to any harm and would do anything to help and care for them and having seem come into the world and held their mother's hand throughout that adventure, words cannot express the bond that we all share. I am only so so terribly heartbroken to not currently have an opportunity to share more in all of their lives. During their birth, my OH was also taken for surgery and being left, with little one, alone in a room not knowing if I would see my soul mate again, left me temporarily heartbroken and equally in tears...

    I was long distance with my OH for a short while, the hardest months of our relationship until recently, so I can completely relate to your thoughts about missing your wife and being away for work. I equally sobbed regularly on my return journeys, and do still now. Only someone who has ever experienced that will understand such sadness and sense of loss.I hope that you are celebrating and cherishing the return of your wife MS@50...... it is worth celebrating indeed.

    Thank you for posting MS@50, it has helped me clear my chest a little too.

    With a tear rolling down my cheek, WildThing

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    More Sexy at 50 [sign in to see picture]
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    WildThing, thanks. I find the characterisation of men, and women, for that matter, by the media rather annoying at times. It's great to know that men are sensitive, caring and loving too, so thanks for sharing. I have to say my 18yr old daughter takes the mick out of me when I cry at movies, however, my 16yr old daughter seems to like to know her father has a heart.

    X

    MS@50

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    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    More Sexy at 50 wrote:

    WildThing, thanks. I find the characterisation of men, and women, for that matter, by the media rather annoying at times. It's great to know that men are sensitive, caring and loving too, so thanks for sharing. I have to say my 18yr old daughter takes the mick out of me when I cry at movies, however, my 16yr old daughter seems to like to know her father has a heart.

    X

    MS@50

    I think the real meaning of love and romance is slowly being eroded away by modern practices like the "Half Night Stand" which is basically sex on demand and then you move on.

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    AmyA [sign in to see picture]
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    I haven’t read the whole thread so apologies if this has been talked about but the Ancient Greeks defined 7 kinds of love, Eros (love of the body, sexual love), philia (love of the mind, brotherly love, shared values) Ludas (playful or teasing love), Pragma (longstanding love, develops over time, profound understanding of each other) Agape (selfless, love of humanity, giving without expectation, charity) Storge (love of a child, forgiveness, sacrifice, naturuand effortless).

    My question would be how many of those do we need on our lives (giving and receiving) to feel complete? I cannot honestly say I don't feel loved but a number of these are missing and I can't say I feel complete or happy which makes me feel guilty when I know people do their best to make me feel love.

    Incidentally there is also a theory of how we express love and what means love to us called the 5 love languages, if someone expresses love in a different way to how to view love you can feel unfulfilled or unloved.

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    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    AmyA wrote:

    I haven’t read the whole thread so apologies if this has been talked about but the Ancient Greeks defined 7 kinds of love, Eros (love of the body, sexual love), philia (love of the mind, brotherly love, shared values) Ludas (playful or teasing love), Pragma (longstanding love, develops over time, profound understanding of each other) Agape (selfless, love of humanity, giving without expectation, charity) Storge (love of a child, forgiveness, sacrifice, naturuand effortless).

    My question would be how many of those do we need on our lives (giving and receiving) to feel complete? I cannot honestly say I don't feel loved but a number of these are missing and I can't say I feel complete or happy which makes me feel guilty when I know people do their best to make me feel love.

    Incidentally there is also a theory of how we express love and what means love to us called the 5 love languages, if someone expresses love in a different way to how to view love you can feel unfulfilled or unloved.

    Many of thiose you could place under the umbrella of romance, which is basically as I see it  looking after your partner in a most caring way and in return your partner recipricating. IMO that leads to a long fulfilling relationship . Sex side of things really is icing on the cake and of secondary importance.. Normally if the first part is in place then the second part will follow.  

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    teacake [sign in to see picture]
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    When I'm In Love as i am now it means she is my best mate, i will be there for her i like to give her all y attention and tell her things thats close to me.

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