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  1. so frustrated

    snow38 [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 29 Jan 2014

    Sorry drink has go5 the better of me yon8ght xx

    Alastor [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 15 May 2013

    Understandable really.

    BigBikeGuy [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 16 May 2008

    Snow, it certainly isn't down to you. It's down to some kind of communication breakdown. Maybe you need to focus to loking after yourself, give him some hugs and see if a bit of time lets him come to his senses.

    Strangely I suspect that there are a few bloks out there who wish their OH's would be a bit more open and demanding of them.

    Hope it all works out for you both.

    smirnoff09 [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 22 Apr 2010

    hi Snow
    I think there has been really sounds advice given. Hope it brings some positive change for you both x

    I agree with BigBikeGuy....maybe lay off the sex and just spend some time doing stuff without the kids and without any pressure of sex
    All the best x

    Alastor [sign in to see picture]
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    Actually. Getting some reassurance of the love between you, without any onus on sex, might be a necessary stabilising influence, as well as a useful backdrop to any future conversations etc.

    snow38 [sign in to see picture]
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    Morning *blushes* oooops .... Spelling a bit rubbish last night wasnt it!!
    Anyway... I ended up going for a walk last night, its something i do when the air is blue as i find it calms me down when upset.
    When i got back he was fast asleep on sofa and thats where he still is. So my child free weekend has turned into a partnerless one too. But hey ho i got the king bed to myself!! not sure what to do today, going to try and get some more kip and have a think. xx

    Irie [sign in to see picture]
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    Snow, sorry to heat things didn't go the way you hoped last night. Truth be told reading your post has touched me somewhat as it sounds very similar to what my partner and I had been going through. The main problem was that I was stressed and depressed, but not ready to admit it to her and ended up pushing her away even though I didn't mean to. I felt that I was a screwup and not deserving of her affection, but obviously this made her feel neglected and like I didn't care. Selfish as it sounds, this is something that hadn't occured to me!

    I'm not saying this is the case for your OH but you said you had an idea of something that might be causing him stress? If you haven't already discussed it, maybe try to talk about how you are worried about him as he doesn't seem himself. Personally I found this a great comfort and it made it easier to talk to my OH.

    I hope things work out for you :)


    [suspended user]

    suspended user
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    snow38 wrote:

    Hi alastor, yes i have t8ld him, has faloen on deaf ears :0( can honestly say am at the end of my tether now xx

    Morning Snowy, I hope you managed to get some sleep ,trying to make tough decisions at a stressful time with no sleep is not good.

    Something my wife says really helps her is to write a letter. This has many benefits, first it allows you time to think exactly what is you want to say and if it's not quite right you can cross it out and rewrite it. You can't take something back once it is said.

    Not having an emotional and usually confrontational conversation with a partner, who will be firing comments and questions back sometimes makes it to difficult to make any headway.

    The other thing I am told it does is calms you down as you are using your brain to do something it can focus on

    There is nothing better than talking it over with friends or people who care, you have us but writting it down can be just as good.

    Finally you don't have to use it but if you choose too the emotions of trying to start a conversation can be avoided.

    One final piece of advice that is seldom discussed and in my experience the cause of a lot relationship issues. ( Interpretation). Just remember that because you have said or written it ,this doesn't mean he will get or understand it. All so asking ,do you understand or get it can equally come across as condescending in these moments.

    I do have one more. We all leave communication to the last minute or when we are upset, this can put to much emotion into the moment. Try and this is tough talk bring it into conversation when times are good, overcome this is the wrong time because we are happy.

    Sorry another thought communication in a relationship can be like sex drives, I think you are on the high side for both and your OH is on the low side.

    You are normal and it is obvious to us all that you care very much about this relationship. These issues are his and some how you have to get him to open up. You could try on thing I am not an advocate of this but I have heard it suggested before. Withdraw sex and when he comes to the table as he will ,explain not until I get some of what I want. You may of reached such an impasse that something radical like this is an option you try. Beware though it can have every negative effect too. It's a weapon or tool many men hate.

    snow38 [sign in to see picture]
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    Evening all,

    Thanks again for all your replies and advice. Well he finally came up to bed about 8am woke me up and asked if i had calmed down yet! I just didnt know what to reply so just said yes and that was that. The day has consisted of sitting watching tv and he cooked dinner. We have had snuggles all day but i had to keep getting up as my sexual frustration was getting to me and there was no way i was going to consider it further. So i ended up going upstairs for a lay downand releiving myself! He was none the wiser and still isnt. Kids are back home now and im having a relaxing bath. I have decided that im going to attempt the " lets not talk about sex" route. I will also tell him no the next timehe asks or tries to touch me in bed, which will be Tuesday night as thats the routine. Im just nit going to talk about anything sexual and if/when he does blank it. Just like he has blanked me.
    Like i have said we have fun together, we goaway for weekend loads. But even our weekends away have turned into a non sex weekend. I used to love wrecking the beds where we stayed lol. We have stayed away 5 times already this year and only 1 of them times involved sex that of course was valentines night. So he probably felt he had too.
    Im still contemplating writing a letter, im still a bit nervous though, as i know he will just say its silly and end up calling me stupidlike he did last.night.

    Right so now i need tips on the best vibrator please. So many to choose from ! This is my next step to enjoyment and will be my secret
    . I will get this frustration out of me and by myself!

    S xx

    kittencub [sign in to see picture]
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    Get the swoon white vibrator, the aqua wand it's waterproof quiet and fantastic love it for bath time, happy rabbits rechargeable and waterproof again love them virtual hug coming over.

    Alastor [sign in to see picture]
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    Good wand and a glass dildo. Brilliant combination imo.

    PurringTiger [sign in to see picture]
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    Lelo Mia and glass dildo, the wand I find a bit much power/sensation wise to combine with other things but amazing on it's own.

    smirnoff09 [sign in to see picture]
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    sounds like a plan to me Alastor x

    LadyS [sign in to see picture]
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    I second the one Amanda reviewed, have reviewed it too and it is really good. I also second Alastor's suggestiong of a glass dildo. I got these

    Just to see if I liked glass really and I do, I really, really do, lol.

    snow38 [sign in to see picture]
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    Morning all,

    had a look at the glass ones and i think i am scared of them lol

    Am liking the look of the doc johnson one Amanda ;0)

    S xx

    Jazzam [sign in to see picture]
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    After reading through your thread I think the advice given to you far exceeds my own, however I have a suggestion on wording.

    Next time you bring it up, don't flat out acuse him of anything - it will make him defensive.
    Also if he is suffering problems it can make him feel worse.
    That said, you need to explain how you FEEL and tell him, that regardless of whether you are being silly or not, doesn't change that fact.
    My partner often says that I've got the wrong idea and I'm being silly etc and he just puts up this wall around himself and pads the issue with cottonwool BUT when I say back to him "I know I might be taking it the wrong way or over-reacting but that doesn't change how I DO feel" he suddenly seems to understand better.

    It helps to breakdown barriers when they feel that you listen to their opinion and aren't sitting up high and mighty (you're not I know, but he may perceive it that way)

    Remind him that you know how tired he is; you understand this, and that if he would just talk to you about it you would feel much happier..
    Tell him that you wish it would go away on its own, but that him ignoring or dismissing your "silly" feelings will only make it worse and that you don't want that.

    If he dismisses that opportunity to atleast acknowledge your pain, then it is time to make an uncomfortable decision as he can't be 'that' lovingif he's not even willing to discuss what's hurting you - sorry not great I know but some leopards can't change their spots, others could turn green if the need arises.. Important to figure out who is which..

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