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  1. Tensing up

    seleneart [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 1
    • Joined: 8 Mar 2014

    Basically when I masterbate I tense up and it can be difficult and a little painful to try to insert anything, even smaller, slimmer vibrators. I try to just relax, prepare myself, use lube, wait unitl I am ready etc but nothing seems to stop me tensing up when I go to try anything. I never used to have this problem but it has started recently and I have no idea why or how to stop it happening.

    Any tips?

    Khaleesi [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 337
    • Joined: 1 Jun 2012

    Sorry to hear this seleneart. I have a similar problem so you’re not alone.

    Judging by the type of symptoms you’re describing you could be experiencing something called vaginismus. It can pop up at any age, and it doesn't necessarily have to have a 'trigger'. Look it up on the NHS website here:


    I have vaginismus and have exactly the same problem with tensing up. Be it toys, tampons or a penis. It can be really painful, uncomfortable and downright embarrassing. I went to the GP after about two years of it and I seriously regret not going sooner.

    I think I started to work it up in my head which made the symptoms worse, so my first tip would be try not to panic about it, or think about it. Easier said than done I know.

    Tip two would be clitoral stimulation. Clitoral stimulation to relax your vaginal muscles is not to be underestimated. I find it relaxing and I get sidetracked because I’m enjoying myself so much, I’m not worried about tensing up so I’m less likely too.

    Kegel exercises around a dildo/ dilator can help you train your muscles to relax ‘on command’ which I have found very useful. Before sex I use progressively bigger toys and practise clenching round them and a pushing pulling technique which has worked wonders for me. (Not to mention kegels increase orgasm strength! Yay!)

    The tantus range come highly recommended by me especially this one: http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=692 it’s very slim, small and flexible making it a perfect starter toy.

    I've seen on similar posts that some ladies recommend an inflatable toy to progressively stretch you, but I personally don't think this helps the issue of the involuntary tensing.

    If you’re finding it painful a visit to your GP might be worth it just to rule out any underlying cause for discomfort. You can get 'vagina trainers' or vaginal dilators from your GP too.

    I would try not to give it too much thought. It might only happen a couple of times and then go away on its or it could happen more frequently in which case I’d say talking to your GP would be worth it.

    Hope this helps X

    Fluffbags [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2018
    • Joined: 18 Oct 2011

    Completely agree with what Khaleesi said and vaginismus was the first thought that popped into my head too. Great advice there.

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