how to get OH interested

Gentle giant wrote:

Oh fluffy, I love your posts and view, but aggie.w has only posted a hand full of times and she had posted a sexy avatar. There was nothing else to complement her on. This is a forum about sex and sexuality. Just because you hate chivalry not all do. You are obviously an educated and articulate lady who wants to be seen as sexy for who you are and not just your body, that's amazing but not everyone has that ability. Most people post here looking for help or other people's opinions. You are a great source of advice and knowledge and have made me think differently about some topics but just because I gave a simple complaint in no way means I am demeaning or seeking to belittle. I am sorry if this is a little strong in opinion and depth. However that is how your comment felt to me.

Posted as a forum friend who greatly values opinions and views.

I agree, it is a forum on sex and sexuality and from my perspective, I believe I was discussing sex and sexuality. The mind is our most POWERFUL sexual organ after all. Just like sexual procilivites, or sex acts that we all enjoy or want to take part in, there are certain sexual thoughts and beliefs and opinions of the mind too and these are a valid part, if not the most important part of sexuality and sex, to me anyway.

My comments regarding protecting women are my own feelings on the subject and that comment was actually not aimed at you. Having a different idea or a difference of opinion should not be taken as an insult. I don't like certain things and I say I don't like them...you do like them and as I always say with sex topics..."Your kink is not my kink" (or in other words, I don't like what you like) but that doesn't mean I judge you for it. Even if someone rubbed me up the wrong way entirely and were polar opposites of me and my views, I just don't socialise with them. We all gravitate towards people who project similar ideals.

Our opinions differ and we both have a right to our opinions, but please don't try to make out that you are here being the gallant gentleman and I am just scaring people away. You say this often to me when we disagree and that is as much an insult. Its like saying "I am here to protect all these innocent new people and your scaring them away" It's like raising yourself up to put someone else in the naughty corner.

Our opinions will never align. I believe everyone DOES have the ability to be seen for who they are and not just their body. Actually, everyone has the RIGHT to this. Everyone should be treated like this...ALWAYS.

I also stated that I hated chivalry but I was in the minority as most women like it. So we agree on that one and that makes little difference to anything after all.

I also said I understand totally that yours was aimed as a compliment and you said you understood by point of view too...so I have no idea why the sudden.....change. I can only imagine it was the comments about protecting women and I will hold my opinion on that.

I feel that this forum is a place to openly discuss our likes, dislikes and opinions and not all of us will agree on things, but differences are good and not meant as a personal attack. Hearing others differences is what makes us grow. I think.

I have strong opinions yes, but they are never written down as a personal attack. Throughout my comment I talked about "I" and "my" beliefs and opinions but I never said "you" (In the sense of blaming you, calling you disrespectful, attacking you as a person. Basically to insinuate I am butting in, putting off the new people with my opinions when we don't agree is like saying we do this your way or i'm just causing trouble...dont like that! This forum is supposed to be exactly as you said...a place for all differences to come together.

Im not commenting here anymore as I don't want to derail the thread, but if you wanna chat to me Greengiant, you can reach me through my profile. x

dkink wrote:

Fluffbags wrote:

Well its not entirely out faults. We grow up in this society that teaches us the values of others and learn what is around us and often mean well but in reality can say things that are stereotyped into us from age 0 onwards.

I don't like chivalry. I remember a post about it once and I fear I am in the minority on that one because lots of women like a bit of chivalry. I personally had a lot to say and a lot to hate about it, but thats all on another thread:

http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/community/forums/off-topic/667604-is-chivalry-dead-would-you-prefer-it-to-be/

The idea that women automatically need protecting because they ARE woman infers they are the weaker sex. Why not say "I am protective of people" or "I am protective of friends" Not all men are fighters and not all women want to have men fighting for, or over them. So to state you are protective of women (I guess you mean jumping in to "defend" them) first of all insinuates you do not trust a woman to care for herself and be smart enough to know when she is in danger or needs help and also implies you don't think she is capable of protecting herself. You take away her choice this way, to decide how she wants to handle the situation.

Green Giant: I totally got that your comment was aimed as a compliment and a "pick me up" and I just wanted to point out that while I am sure you didn't even think of it like I am (and most probably won't tbh) these are insidious ways of keeping this societal divide in value and worth between men and woman.

I sometimes find it slightly amazing that the female body can be commented on so freely, I mean, we all find it so easy to say "Your so sexy" to any woman, even a stranger, but to say to a male "Your so rich" .... lol Going to attempt a reverse, see if it sounds right:

"I can't believe she won't sleep with you man, I mean look at your bank balance, your so rich!"

Hehe. Anyway...yeah, just my opinion as always and of course I understand the comment the way you intended it but my thoughts tend to just go BLAHHH over a page and derail the thread so, never mind me...I wasn't here! lol

Edit: Oh and just so you know, I hate chivalry and I hate equality but I love men just as much as women. Happily in a 4 year relationship with a sexy man and I see it the female Yin and the Male Yang and together on this world we make it complete....just wanted to get that out now lol

Eeek! like i said earlier, it's a potential minefield. Dont get me wrong, I fully agree re equality, it's just that i personally know a couple of women who were very badly abused by their partners and even thinking about it makes me very angry indeed and it tends to affect my judgement sometimes. I did not mean to infer they are a weaker sex, sorry if thats the impression i gave. I'll shut up now because there is no right answer and i'll just end up digging a deeper hole for myself if i keep going x

You are not digging a hole, you are doing what you believe is right! Definitely right to be angry about the mistreatment of others too. You are doing what good people do and feeling what good people feel.

Erghh totally derailed this thread. Sorry to the OP. I would rather my comments got deleted as I started a mass-debate (ooooerrr :D) here without any intention to.

Thanks Fluffbags, i suppose we all have different life experiences and can only go on what we know or have experienced. I was worried i might have annoyed you with my comment, absolutely not my intention to do that. I have read some of your posts and value your input. I'm in my early 40's now and am still learning about women. Still got a lot to learn too but am trying my best. xx

D

dkink wrote:

Thanks Fluffbags, i suppose we all have different life experiences and can only go on what we know or have experienced. I was worried i might have annoyed you with my comment, absolutely not my intention to do that. I have read some of your posts and value your input. I'm in my early 40's now and am still learning about women. Still got a lot to learn too but am trying my best. xx

D

No I am not annoyed at you or Giant, or anyone!...To be honest I am never annoyed on here, upset sometimes maybe because sometimes this kinda stuff happens and I don't want to offend people. I seriously think everyone has a right to any opinion and should hold true to their core values and anyone who tried to change you...well...not a nice person. When I type on here, my thoughts all rush out onto the page, my own opinions and beliefs and I guess sometimes it comes across as an attack or aggression because I am so...forceful? in my opinions, but I am just writing down my views. I have so many and always want to hear others who differ and why they believe what they believe and see if they can even change MY mind. But I like to write mine down too...because maybe someone else will be like "hell yeah!" and I helped them. I honestly find people fascinating, but I guess sometimes my own opinions comes across as scary or something.

I think when you believe something, you try to put across WHY you believe it...and sometimes people can read those "why's" as a personal attack, if they believe in the opposite of what you do. This then causes a flare. It wasn't intentional, but this is when I feel "When does healthy debate cross the line into the bad stuff" so I try to cap most of my thoughts as I don't wanna cause the bad stuff.

Thanks again Fluffbags, brilliant summary and very well put. I wish i could articulate my feelings half as well as you can. I'm not as good at putting things across in type format as i am in face to face conversation. Something else i need to work on i recon.

Hope i did'nt put the OP off, i'll butt out now just in case. xx

D

dkink wrote:

Thanks again Fluffbags, brilliant summary and very well put. I wish i could articulate my feelings half as well as you can. I'm not as good at putting things across in type format as i am in face to face conversation. Something else i need to work on i recon.

Hope i did'nt put the OP off, i'll butt out now just in case. xx

D

Here's the twist, whilst all three of us agree we have interrupted this thread. For which I apologise( sorry aggie). I guess and what do you think we should of taken our conversation to the Rant thread heading. Same post title with +1 or Mark 2.

Fluffbags may I make a comment I find your intellect very sexy. Whilst my up bringing and age indoctrinated me with certain behavioural conditions I do not like chauvinism but one I connot tone down is chivalry. I am sure it is due to a wonderful childhood filled with matriarchal characters who I had to be polite and respectful too. On my maternal side I had the privilege to off knowing my greatgrandmother my grandmother and all four of here sisters. All of whom were strong intellectual women. Matrons, headmistress and teachers. Sorry now I am off again. Whilst our opinions differ on occasions I admire and enjoy your posts very much. I did not mean to come across as upset. Just the same as your self putting across my opinin.

Just reading fluffbags comment on the para about telling any woman shes sexy, Im no oil painting my OH finds me sexy,at first I honestly wondered who the hell he was talking about,lol. sexy comes from within,and yeah now our sex life is back for us after a long long 20 or so years, we are into anal too. And Im so enjoying the return of my whole sex life

April5452 wrote:

Just reading fluffbags comment on the para about telling any woman shes sexy, Im no oil painting my OH finds me sexy,at first I honestly wondered who the hell he was talking about,lol. sexy comes from within,and yeah now our sex life is back for us after a long long 20 or so years, we are into anal too. And Im so enjoying the return of my whole sex life

It really does! I feel sexier these days than I ever did at 18 ....even though my body is not 18 anymore and shows the signs of being lived in. Sexy is a feeling. If you don't feel it, it is hard to believe when your partner says it. Been there too. So happy to read that your sex life has improved x

Good on you. We're getting back into it after 11 years, illness set me back badly but it's great to finally have some fun in the bedroom again. I have always loved her but this has reinforced the bond between us like nothing else could. Just need to get rid of this cold bug which has been a setback.

Well quick update on the situation after talking about getting toys and OH saying he'll think about it we've actually been getting slightly more experimental . Think he's getting more comfortable with the idea :)

aggie.w wrote:

Well quick update on the situation after talking about getting toys and OH saying he'll think about it we've actually been getting slightly more experimental . Think he's getting more comfortable with the idea :)

Excellent news Aggie! Hopefully the start of something new and amazing for you two. xx

aggie.w wrote:

Well quick update on the situation after talking about getting toys and OH saying he'll think about it we've actually been getting slightly more experimental . Think he's getting more comfortable with the idea :)

That's great news, keep talking to him and good luck

aggie.w wrote:

Well quick update on the situation after talking about getting toys and OH saying he'll think about it we've actually been getting slightly more experimental . Think he's getting more comfortable with the idea :)

That's great news, keep talking to him and good luck