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  1. group sex....advice please

    1250040007
    poppy904 [sign in to see picture]
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    WandA wrote:

    poppy904 wrote:

    but dont forget that the other girl is a person too, not just to be used. she might not be happy about just getting to do things with the woman and not the man. a treesome is meant to be just that, all 3 involved equally. unless you can do that without jealousy there is just no point. and its also very unfair on the poor other person involved that could lose two friends because of it!!!

    if its a genuine thing you want to try, i would advise calling in a professional. at least then she wont feel left out, because to her it wont be an emotional thing, its just business. x

    A threesome doesn't have to be equal, just consentual. If boundries are established before I personally don't see why everyone has to have the same boundries. I personally wouldn't even describe it as a threesome. It would more be two women, one of whose partner is observing.

    Sorry but I don't see understand where your description of jealousy comes into it? The original poster fran, felt she may become jealous. If she is involved but her partner not she is less likely to become jealous and her and the other lady can do their thing!

    I believe in taking smaller steps, I'd imagine this is less likely to lead to jealous on the posters behalf. Many men also feel less threatened by the thought of their lady with another lady as opposed to a man.

    yes, that is a good point. i think maybe my own feelings about them were getting in the way a little too much there and i was assuming (most likely wrongly) that she feels the same. x

    1250040226
    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    poppy904 wrote:

    WandA wrote:

    poppy904 wrote:

    but dont forget that the other girl is a person too, not just to be used. she might not be happy about just getting to do things with the woman and not the man. a treesome is meant to be just that, all 3 involved equally. unless you can do that without jealousy there is just no point. and its also very unfair on the poor other person involved that could lose two friends because of it!!!

    if its a genuine thing you want to try, i would advise calling in a professional. at least then she wont feel left out, because to her it wont be an emotional thing, its just business. x

    A threesome doesn't have to be equal, just consentual. If boundries are established before I personally don't see why everyone has to have the same boundries. I personally wouldn't even describe it as a threesome. It would more be two women, one of whose partner is observing.

    Sorry but I don't see understand where your description of jealousy comes into it? The original poster fran, felt she may become jealous. If she is involved but her partner not she is less likely to become jealous and her and the other lady can do their thing!

    I believe in taking smaller steps, I'd imagine this is less likely to lead to jealous on the posters behalf. Many men also feel less threatened by the thought of their lady with another lady as opposed to a man.

    yes, that is a good point. i think maybe my own feelings about them were getting in the way a little too much there and i was assuming (most likely wrongly) that she feels the same. x

    okies I was just a little confused!

    1250040413
    poppy904 [sign in to see picture]
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    but. i still think hiring a professional is always a good idea, though! x

    1250802046
    jaydee [sign in to see picture]
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    Be carefull. We also wanted to go down this route (and have done both 3 somes and swang), a bit different to you as we are both straight. We started with the 3 some thing, at first we talked about what we both wanted, then searched for the right person, to be honest discounted the escort route as it seemed wrong (as in we were worried we would be just paying for excuse the pharse, but wham bang thank you maam).

    It took some time but we found somebody we were both comfortable with, meet up had a drink and talked about our boundry's (as in all 3 of our's). It did happen, but to be honest was not what we thought it would be.

    Swinging was much harder, we explained exactly what we were after, chatted for hours with a couple and all seemed good, when we meet them it all changed. We arranged to meet for a meal first, whilst there the female made a blatent pass at J. They travelled a long way to stay with us, so we agreed to continue the night as friends but nothing would happen. Later that night J admitted that the bloke had asked her to meet him on their own (she did not).

    1250829401
    poppy904 [sign in to see picture]
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    jaydee wrote:

    Be carefull. We also wanted to go down this route (and have done both 3 somes and swang), a bit different to you as we are both straight. We started with the 3 some thing, at first we talked about what we both wanted, then searched for the right person, to be honest discounted the escort route as it seemed wrong (as in we were worried we would be just paying for excuse the pharse, but wham bang thank you maam).

    It took some time but we found somebody we were both comfortable with, meet up had a drink and talked about our boundry's (as in all 3 of our's). It did happen, but to be honest was not what we thought it would be.

    Swinging was much harder, we explained exactly what we were after, chatted for hours with a couple and all seemed good, when we meet them it all changed. We arranged to meet for a meal first, whilst there the female made a blatent pass at J. They travelled a long way to stay with us, so we agreed to continue the night as friends but nothing would happen. Later that night J admitted that the bloke had asked her to meet him on their own (she did not).

    its always possible that can happen, at least you had the guts to say no, alot of people wouldnt and wouldve ruined a great relationship. x

    1250836526
    Lubyanka [sign in to see picture]
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    jaydee wrote:

    Swinging was much harder, we explained exactly what we were after, chatted for hours with a couple and all seemed good, when we meet them it all changed. We arranged to meet for a meal first, whilst there the female made a blatent pass at J. They travelled a long way to stay with us, so we agreed to continue the night as friends but nothing would happen. Later that night J admitted that the bloke had asked her to meet him on their own (she did not).

    I just wanted to say how vile! I've been in the dating thing where I made my focus explicitly clear, and for some reason the date thought this was negotiable, but without them having to negotiate it. I really hate it when people for some mysterious reason think that hard limits or the respecting of hard limits doesn't apply to them. Grrr.

    poppy904 wrote:

    its always possible that can happen, at least you had the guts to say no, alot of people wouldnt and wouldve ruined a great relationship. x

    I have heard people say many times that this affair or this cheating or this event or this behaviour or this person "ruined" our great relationship. And my take on that is if the relationship was so strong and great in the first place, how can it be ruined so easily?

    I find that relationships are made up entirely of the people who participate in them, so the relationships can only be as strong and as great as those people. And if one or more of those people behave badly, or transgress respect or consent, or otherwise behave in ways which reveal shortcomings in their character, then I consider those shortcomings to have been revealed, not created. I have experienced relationships which had only the illusion of success because the flaws had not yet been revealed. If success is only an illusion, then what is there to ruin? How can a relationship be ruined if the success of it was never real?

    I think that if relationships really are strong and well constructed, then stupid stuff like making a mistake or misjudging a situation is not going to kill them. Only the participants can do that, in my experience. So I think that blaming the circumstances or events or other people for ruining a relationship which was never really successful in the first place, is kind of pointless.

    Conversely, that means that a truly successful relationship can easily withstand stupid events and people like jaydee described without crumbling under the pressure. :)

    1250841003
    poppy904 [sign in to see picture]
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    wow. thats quite an impressive post for this time int he morning!!! x

    1250849048
    Lubyanka [sign in to see picture]
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    poppy904 wrote:

    wow. thats quite an impressive post for this time int he morning!!! x

    Thank you. :)

    I'm not feeling well, so my sleep is a bit erratic, hence the wakening up at stupid o'clock. :p

    1250879444
    SmoothOne [sign in to see picture]
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    If you aren't 100% sure then don't do it. Its one of those things that you have to sure, and most importantly that the two of you are reading from the same page. Its not a case of you both getting to indulge as individuals, you are indulging together. You both have to be very open about this from the onset, and for each of you to be prepared that if the other person isn't up for it, it doesn't happen.

    Even if you are with the intended 'victims' at the time, if you have a pre-arranged signal between you that indicates you don't want to do it, its fair easier for you to collectively make your excuses, instead of whispered conversations in the corner. Personally I found it better to adopt an attitude of it could happen, but I'm not expecting it to, and constantly looked for signals. Much easier to deal with than to have the mindset of 'gonna get some, gonna get some, gonna get some....oh really? you really sure? you really REALLY sure? But....oh ok'.

    Also, again from personal experience, if you do go through with it.....don't drink too much!!!

    1250879656
    SmoothOne [sign in to see picture]
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    Bugger, no edit button.

    I'd recommend selecting 'victims' that you do not know in real life, and keep identities / addresses secret. It eliminates problems later on.

    Also agree that you will only see / meet these people once. Otherwise its much more difficult to maintain that emotional detachment that is required when involving others.

    1250886061
    Lubyanka [sign in to see picture]
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    SmoothOne wrote:

    Bugger, no edit button.

    I'd recommend selecting 'victims' that you do not know in real life, and keep identities / addresses secret. It eliminates problems later on.

    Also agree that you will only see / meet these people once. Otherwise its much more difficult to maintain that emotional detachment that is required when involving others.

    Well, there are lots of ways to do things, and I only ever have group sex with people I know reasonably well, because I just can't get into it with strangers. Being poly helps. :)

    1250889603
    SmoothOne [sign in to see picture]
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    Lubyanka wrote:

    SmoothOne wrote:

    Bugger, no edit button.

    I'd recommend selecting 'victims' that you do not know in real life, and keep identities / addresses secret. It eliminates problems later on.

    Also agree that you will only see / meet these people once. Otherwise its much more difficult to maintain that emotional detachment that is required when involving others.

    Well, there are lots of ways to do things, and I only ever have group sex with people I know reasonably well, because I just can't get into it with strangers. Being poly helps. :)

    Personal opinion obviously. Different people, different preferences.

    1250893974
    Lubyanka [sign in to see picture]
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    SmoothOne wrote:

    Lubyanka wrote:

    SmoothOne wrote:

    Also agree that you will only see / meet these people once. Otherwise its much more difficult to maintain that emotional detachment that is required when involving others.

    Well, there are lots of ways to do things, and I only ever have group sex with people I know reasonably well, because I just can't get into it with strangers. Being poly helps. :)

    Personal opinion obviously. Different people, different preferences.

    Different, personal, yes, obviously, please pass the biscuits, yum, thank you. :)

    1250906316
    poppy904 [sign in to see picture]
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    Lubyanka wrote:

    poppy904 wrote:

    wow. thats quite an impressive post for this time int he morning!!! x

    Thank you. :)

    I'm not feeling well, so my sleep is a bit erratic, hence the wakening up at stupid o'clock. :p

    well i was on cos it was still the night before for me!! x

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