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  1. Struggling to orgasm...am I normal?

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    fran [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 15 Jun 2009

    Hi I have great sex and a wonderful attentive partner but rarely orgasm. It doesn't matter really but I wondered if anyone had any advice.

    My clit is very sensitive and I sometime find it very uncomfortable with direct touch until i am aroused.

    I can orgasm with my rabbit but even then sometimes it takes forever.

    Maybe I'm just not sensitive in the right places??

    1247084498
    sweetlove666 [sign in to see picture]
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    no that is completley normal,

    most women find that the clitoris is too sensitive to touch before they become fully aroused (me included)

    i also finds it takes longer to come using toys, and again have to get relly aroused before i can use them.

    a little lube can be helpful when stmulating the clit but if it feels unpleasant switch to something you find more pleasureable,

    1247085475
    Bobby Pinns [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 8 Jul 2009

    Hi, I had the same problem recently, no matter how hard I tried I found orgasm really difficult and it put a lot of pressure on me and my partner as he took all of the responsibility on his own shoulders. Ive never had an issue in the past and I guess knew what worked with previous partners or perhaps was so selfish in bed Its all I focused on :( (this relationship is still relatively new and so very different to any other Ive had). ........anyway I have started to masturbate loads more and really try to relax, I also found doing pelvic floor exercises really helpful for vaginal orgasm, with the sensitivity thing try stimulating the areas around the main part of your clit avoiding the really sensitive part for a while or stimulate it through your knickers just to reduce the painful sensitivity. Patience is the key and trying to not get frustrated or cross with yourself or your partner. I felt like climax was a real chore and took ages...but I read somewhere if you think of the time you spend doing other stuff like watching tv...and thats nowhere near as much fun.....Good luck.

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    premium90 [sign in to see picture]
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    Hmmmmmmm this can happen to anyone. Approaching the time of the month can actually make it difficult to orgasm.

    Maybe using a rabbit vibrator to orgasm may not be the best option. Using a strong vibrator on the clitoris can actually desenstize the clitoris. But as you have said it is rather sensitive.

    Have you tried the nice old fashion way? Maybe a bit of lube and just fingering the clitoris to orgasm?

    One major tip: - definitely you need to arouse yourself!

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    Miss_V [sign in to see picture]
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    Using powerful vibrators regularly on the clitoris can result in something similar to 'drillers wrist', where the vibrations can result in numbness of uncomfortable sensitivity. Also, toys and regular masturbation are always going to result in an easier orgasm (even if it takes a while, for many people it does) as it's you pleasuring yourself and you know exactly what your after but your partner, as attentive as they may be, will always be somewhat hit and miss. Perhaps, like premium90 said, try switching to hands only masturbation for a while to get yourself used to enjoying simple stimulation - often the clitoris itself is too sensitive (or sensitive in a way you don't find pleasant) so perhaps concentrate on the area around it, I personally prefare to rub just above it or through the clit hood as I find direct contact to my clit to be slightly painful. This should help you achieve clitoral orgasm during oral, finger play etc...

    I can't offer any advice on achieving orgasm during penetrative sex though as I don't do that either! I have a couple of times though, and it was no big whoop, clitoral orgasm prior to penetration or during with the help of toys or my fingers is plenty :-)

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    fran [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 15 Jun 2009

    Thanks for the advice will definately try it out and if nothing else will enjoy doing so :)

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    LIL_KNOWN69 [sign in to see picture]
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    the more you worry and stress that you cant orgasm the harder it will become just give yourself a really releaxed evening full of teasing and smooching and make sure your open enough to talk about what really turns you on. if you like dressing up then buy a few outfits , i personally believe that orgasm are more of a mental sexual release than a physical one

    xxxx LKS xxx

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    sexylesley [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 6 Apr 2009

    Hi, Would strongly recommend ID PLEASURE LUBE, gentle but effective try small bottle first.

    1248008579
    tallboy247 [sign in to see picture]
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    lil_known_secret wrote:

    the more you worry and stress that you cant orgasm the harder it will become just give yourself a really releaxed evening full of teasing and smooching and make sure your open enough to talk about what really turns you on. if you like dressing up then buy a few outfits , i personally believe that orgasm are more of a mental sexual release than a physical one

    xxxx LKS xxx

    Well LKS, give the amount of time you have been away you must surely have achieved a double first !!!

    Tallboy

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    cj1972 [sign in to see picture]
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    You say you are too sensitive to orgasm, well a way around that could be to wait until you're feeling mildly turned on, then stimulate yourself a bit more, (using your hand) then use a vibrator of your choice but use it just above the clitoris, not directly on it, try a bullet for this, over the clitoral hood right at the top, not near the most sensitive area and this might help you get there.

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    sassy32 [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi I'm new and need a bit of help!!! I'm late 30's and always struggled to orgasm. I have a few times but it takes ages and my OH gets fed up trying!!!. I've bought a few toys but need help to sort me out. Any suggestions please x

    1249329199
    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    sassy32 wrote:

    Hi I'm new and need a bit of help!!! I'm late 30's and always struggled to orgasm. I have a few times but it takes ages and my OH gets fed up trying!!!. I've bought a few toys but need help to sort me out. Any suggestions please x

    Relax! If you become goal focused you will not come. It's a bonus if you do but should never be the aim.

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    sassy32 [sign in to see picture]
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    any ideas? I try to relax as best as possible x

    1249330774
    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    Time is the best one... loads of people don't actually make enough time for their partner. But you've already tried that by the sounds of it. But still, don't rush or focus on it.

    My girlfriend struggles sometimes too. It mightn't work for everyone but she finds one of the best things is basically for her to keep busy! If shes pleasuring me and touching herself she doesn't worry about coming or over focus etc.. and by the time she gets to the stage where shes ready shes so horny it doesnt enter her mind.

    If you and your partner are willing to use toys during penetration then that might be a good way to help you relax.

    I do understand where you're coming from, she used to struggle more as she felt if she did'nt come it would upset me, so not only did she have her pressure she imagined she had mine too! If you can convince your OH that you not coming isn't the end of the world it might allow you to relax more. The fear of upsetting your partner may make it too hard on you. Show him that you don't need to always come to be satisfied.

    I'm sure if you have a wander round the forums you'll find plenty of advice put way more eloquently than my spare of the moment comments!

    Happy relaxing.

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    Horny Pony [sign in to see picture]
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    I'd definitely echo some comments here - I find a vibe too intense on my clit so hold it just above and pulse it on and off that area. If you move it around you'll probably find some areas feel real nice. Would your man mind you using one during sex if that help you to come? I find I come easiest with plenty of rubbing on my g spot (cock preferred for this!) and just pressure (from a hand) on my clit. Everyone is different and think experimenting is the way too go especially masturbation. I can come at the drop of a hat with sex but oral sex can take blooming ages!

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    miss sparkle [sign in to see picture]
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    I have never had an orgasm and i am just trying to not think about it and enjoy myself - things are definately getting closer though!

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    sassy32 [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks guys for your comments - i'll keep trying and let u know. I always fell that I want to hold my breath when it's close but then when I breathe I just loose it - OMG it's so frustrating x

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    Salvadore [sign in to see picture]
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    Am a guy so what do I know, but an ex-girlfriend used to really struggle.. we found massage really worked.. get your guy to massage all the muscles around pubic area, without going to the clit, so that you are completely relaxed (have an instructional dvd somewhere), then work up in levels, don't try and get there all in one go.. 2 steps forward 1 step back, and sneek up on it bit by bit... her clit was very sensitive, so had to be really gentle, but she found internal g-spot orgasms easier...

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    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    Salvadore wrote:

    Am a guy so what do I know, but an ex-girlfriend used to really struggle.. we found massage really worked.. get your guy to massage all the muscles around pubic area, without going to the clit, so that you are completely relaxed (have an instructional dvd somewhere), then work up in levels, don't try and get there all in one go.. 2 steps forward 1 step back, and sneek up on it bit by bit... her clit was very sensitive, so had to be really gentle, but she found internal g-spot orgasms easier...

    Some girls struggle to get physically turned on, mentally they have no problem. A massage might just do the physical trick so it could be worth a try.

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    Horny Pony [sign in to see picture]
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    Salvadore that is an excellent tip. I have banned Mr HP from any direct touch on my clit for at least 10 minutes but just as you say touch/massage/nuzzle all around - seems to work well so far.

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