1. Why is orgasming so difficult?

    Chocolatee [sign in to see picture]
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    I am desparate to find out why I find it so hard to cum. I get near to the point quite easily but then all my stomach muscles etc tense and its like I have to almost force the orgasm out - its feels like its the only way I can get it out by forcing all my leg and body muscles.

    The other problem with this is that I can also force out a bit of wind - not sexy! I was recently having sex with my lover and he was licking me and I had a fab orgasm and squirted like he had never seen before (he has had alot more partners than me).

    Unfortunatly due to the nature of our relationship we dont get to spend much time together so its usually a bit rushed. I think I was very relaxed with him or my body was but it frustrates me that I can make it happen usually without feeling like Im gonna burst my blood vessels or blow off!!! When Im at it with hubby I tend to have to do most of the work myself too.

    Help please???

    mimiaow [sign in to see picture]
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    Hey Chocolatee - it sounds like you're getting really frustrated with the situation, which in turn builds up pressure on you to reach orgasm, getting more frustrated... it sounds like a bit of a vicious cycle where you're putting unnecessary pressure upon yourself to reach this 'goal'.

    I don't think it's too uncommon to tense up; this often happens to me if my climax has built up and it's going to be pretty intense. If it worries you, though, and makes you feel uncomfortable, perhaps you could 'destress' prior to having sex/ masturbating and taking things very slowly. Try not to feel like you have to reach orgasm in record breaking time, or else your body will react to the tension and freeze up.

    Maybe try a long relaxing bath, candles, soft music and incorporate things that make you feel sexy prior to this. I know it'll sound cliched and unoriginal, but honestly 'getting in the mood' will make your body a lot more receptive, and you'll feel less like you're simply trying to achieve the goal of climax. You don't even have to reach this if your body doesn't feel ready for it, just try to relax and have fun. Then when you do cum, it should be more natural. Relaxing your muscles a bit is likely to help with the wind problem - but don't worry about it, it's not abnormal or anything! If it does happen, just laugh it off and things will be fine :)

    I think you've highlighted the problem there again, that time with your partner feels 'rushed'. This isn't likely to help you! Just remember that climax is not the only point of sex - if it does happen though, fantastic. Especially if you're able to ejaculate - lucky! With a bit of practice, I think that you'll be more in tune with your body and what it wants perhaps? Hence lots of alone time should be good, perhaps investing in a massager type vibrator for whole body use. May help relax those muscles and take things slowly.

    As for the problem that you feel you're doing all the work, that similarly can't be a help - sometimes you want to relax and have your partner take control. By personal experimentation and masturbation, you'll be able to work out what feels right for you, then you can relay this back to the hubby and teach him what truly turns you on.

    Welcome to the boards as well! I hope you enjoy chatting to everyone here and have fun :) Hopefully speak soon,

    mimi x


    [suspended user]

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    For a clitoral orgasm, I find I have to hold myself almost rigid and tilt my pelvis up, but occasionally if I have multiples then I can be on my knees or something and be more relaxed and it feels totally different.

    I've taken to trying different techniques as for 20 years I've only had orgasms one way - flat on my back, knees up, pelvis up , muscles tensed - now I force myself to relax my pc muscles, I've found that g-spot orgasms only come when I actively "open up" my pelvis whist on top of my hubby, that's also when I've squirted. I've found the more you try with orgasms, the less likely they are to happen, just savour every sensation but I i magine thats hard if you are doing ALL the work.

    It is great just to be able to lie back and enjoy being pleasured, so of course he's going to take that option when it's offered - but don't be shy in asking for what you need - I play a far more active role in our sex like than I ever did, but I will say to hubby, get busy with your tongue and fingers and don't stop until I say I've had enough!

    cj1972 [sign in to see picture]
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    You have my every sympathy!

    I used to cum easily, but after I gae birth, when all the bruising settled down it felt like it took half my sensitivity with it, and when I used my hand alone it would sometimes take up to two hours for me to get a result - not nice when I was used to having one every day usually and doing it quite quick, so I started getting sex toys and now I got quite a collection and still building. Here's my advice to you:

    Heat cream - Get some! it will warm you up and get your clitoris tingling, its moved the job along for you that way.

    Use a bullet vibe during foreplay or during sex, if youre doing it solo wait until you are feeling REALLY horny, then switch the vibe on.

    Make yourself wait for an orgasm, don't just say ok Im going to come in the next five minutes, tell yourself it happens when it happens. If youre with your partner, get him to say to you that he is going to play with you for as long as it takes, that may be all you need to hear. And make sure that you have plenty of time - no one likes to reach target by the clock, pressure kills desire!.

    You could also try (if it appeals to you) some anal stimulation during the time time you are nearing orgasm, it may help to hurry it along. Or get your partner to say things that will blow your mind in a fantasy way. That could help too. Try using a bullet vibe that is quiet and discreet, a quiet one as the buzzing might delay things if its a bit loud. That and the sound of your partners voice (or fantasy thoughts) should hurry it along for you.

    Hope this advice helps.

    tallboy247 [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi Choclatee, l think you might have become a tad fixated in terms of just what you need to orgasm, hence if those self same conditions cease to apply the chances of you coming are diminished. With Mrs T her hip being a micro millimetre out of kilter can be enought to prevent her coming, but then we have certain tricks to ensure a good night's sleep ha ha.


    secretseductress [sign in to see picture]
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    try to just relax and don't be in a hurry to orgasm, i find that if im realy focused on the orgasm, then it wont happen. hope this helps xxx

    evey [sign in to see picture]
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    I read somewhere, and I've found it quite helpful, that if you get into that tense state where you're all built up to it but not coming, you should focus on the physical sensations, eg. partner's legs touching yours/exactly how a toy or appendage feels inside you, etc. It kind of takes your mind off the stressing and puts you back in the moment.

    It can also help to clench and unclench your pelvic floor muscles to 'bring on' an orgasm that you feel is almost there.

    Dunno if you've tried asking your husband to do specific things with/to you, that might help if it sometimes feels like he's not putting enough effort in (I didn't phrase that very well! but hopefully you know what I mean).

    Good luck!

    tallboy247 [sign in to see picture]
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    Why not fuck him and decide you are going to orgasm, come what may, and then just get on with it - does that sound like a plan !!


    tallboy247 [sign in to see picture]
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    Why not fuck him and decide you are going to orgasm, come what may, and then just get on with it - does that sound like a plan !!


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