• Just found my hubby's toys

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    lustylou [sign in to see picture]
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    I dont feel that my husband has lied to me in any way in particular, i feel it would probably be more embarressment on his part which is why i havnt comfronted him yet. LIke i said we have been married 10 years. I owned toys before i met him and I have continued to buy stuff throughout our marriage. The odd thing here and there. Untill this year i have never really been that into them, couldnt ever orgasm without him. We have tried a few things together, but neither really enjoyed them. I remember one item we brought from Ann Summers that he could not even get on it was too small. (the toy, not him)

    This last year or so i have changed, I have taught myself to orgasm alone. I have purchased around a dozen new items and have really enjoyed them. At first he was fine. I even asked him to join me and he declined. It was after that, that he began to make comments about how much i owned. Then came the comment that i wouldnt like it if he got one. To which i replied that i wouldnt mind.

    When i realised that he had a problem with them about 3 months ago, i stopped using them out of respect. I dont think it was actually me using them that was the problem with him more that he maybe feels that i was replacing him.

    Not only has our sex life dwindled to about a dozen times a year but is now over very quickly. We actually managed to have sex twice this weekend. (well it was my birthday) and he had cum within 3 minutes each time. Leaving us both frustrated.

    We obviously have more than one problem going on but i.m worried if i try and talk to him about anything he will just clam up.

    I've heard that there are exercises that he can do to try and retrain himself and i wonder if the fleshlight might be to help him do those.

    Or perhaps he's just wanting to see for himself what i'm suddenly interested in. My toys are hidden because of the kids perhaps thats why his is as well.

    1244469515
    diamonds [sign in to see picture]
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    i have and still buy toys but i dont tell my boyfriend, same as i dont tell him every time i buy something new when i go shopping. i dont feel i have to tell him each time i buy something (if its a toy it goes in the toybox in my bedside table or be it clothes or shoes in the wardrobe) but if he asks me bout it then i tell him so maybe this guys doing the same thing. maybe he thinks he doesnt have to tell you about it cos you wouldnt find it a big deal as you use toys and have said about getting him one and maybe by not hidding so you wouldnt find it, his showing that he doesnt mind you knowing about it he just didnt see/feel the need to tell you as its no big deal.

    Dxx

    1244471504

    [suspended user]

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    Lou, you need to reassure your hubby that , once you start having more sex, his problem will dissapear, within a week of daily sex, my hubby was fine. He's only a bit quick now when it's been a few days and I've got him very aroused with oral beforehand. We actually found that lube helped him last longer too - positions can help as well - he lasts the longest when I'm on top and he's relaxed, sometimes he's gone on so long we've had to change to doggy so he can finish off.

    You can help him by stopping him before he gets too excited, get him to stop moving and relax or concentrate on you and then go again, his orgasm will be more intense after a few stop starts too, believe me. There are creams and delay sprays too, even a cock ring may give him confidence if you tell him he will feel harder and his orgasm will be stronger - a bit of positive reinforcement if you like.

    I've been there and know how shift work and kids add up to no "you" time, it's really hard but it does get better in time. Once a month is a killer though, even at my worst I would want sex for at least a few days evey month, that only adds to the pressure and will fuel his insecurity - he must feel your toys are his replacement. Good luck.

    1244492758
    Private_member [sign in to see picture]
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    Without wishing to get caught in the cross-fire ...

    Kids were mentioned early on in this thread, could the toys be hidden from their little fingers and the husband just feel a little embaressed about talking about his flesh light?

    I only started buying 'male' toys when I was away from home a lot, never talked to my previous partner about them but never hide them from her just the little one.

    A lot of this has been covered before, I agree with a previous post - guys just don't talk about this sort of stuff but I guess we all accept we 'have some fun on our own'

    To answer the original post, give him some time and then try and work around to it, a bottle of lube is a little bit of an agressive way to start a dialog.

    1244494594
    diamonds [sign in to see picture]
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    i think people need to see the fleshlight as a musterbation aid and not a replacemeant for his wife!

    1244495119
    diamonds [sign in to see picture]
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    arggggh it just annoys me nexas that people keep saying the for a man to have a fleshlight its replaceing there parterner and when infact they just use it instead of there hand!

    why is it ok for a man to use his hand and not a fleshlight? when its ok for us women to use toys.

    it really bugs me!

    rant over

    Dxx

    1244506359
    I Wish [sign in to see picture]
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    Wow think she was only after a bit of advice not bun fight

    1244533453
    Lubyanka [sign in to see picture]
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    lustylou wrote:

    Not only has our sex life dwindled to about a dozen times a year but is now over very quickly. We actually managed to have sex twice this weekend. (well it was my birthday) and he had cum within 3 minutes each time. Leaving us both frustrated.

    Was there a reason why you and your husband stopped after his 3-minute orgasm, leaving you both frustrated? Did either of you consider carrying on with mouths, tongues, hands, fingers, and so on to ensure that you were satisfied after his orgasm?

    One of the really useful things I've learnt about sex is that the penis-in-vagina part of sex is only one of many, many experiences one may enjoy within a fulfilling erotic life. Once my partner and I learnt that any one orgasm is simply one event in an ongoing touching, affectionate, close experience with others, my sex life got a whole lot better. :)

    I know it can be difficult, I hope you can work things out.

    1244535367
    HottyBotty [sign in to see picture]
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    diamonds wrote:

    arggggh it just annoys me nexas that people keep saying the for a man to have a fleshlight its replaceing there parterner and when infact they just use it instead of there hand!

    why is it ok for a man to use his hand and not a fleshlight? when its ok for us women to use toys.

    it really bugs me!

    rant over

    Dxx

    Fantastic Diamonds ............. simple common sense at last. Well done!

    1251846720
    Chloestead1989 [sign in to see picture]
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    if it where my partner who had bought 1 then quite frankly id be pleased! iv been tryin to get my partner to use toys in the bedroom since we have been together! id buy a set of love cheques from love honey and use a blank 1 and write on it that you owe him a night of sex with the following toys ... then include some that you can both get pleasure out of like a vibrating cock ring then put his fleshlight, leave the cheque on the pillow for him to find and see how he takes it! if you find the cheque safely put away in his wallet you know you have done the right thing! if its scrunched up in the bin then he obviously either wants it to be his own private toy, hes embarrased about it or he didnt like it. if he scrunches it up then take a quiet minute to ask him if hes embarrased about it, theres no harm in asking is there. xx

    1252294864
    jackador123 [sign in to see picture]
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    make him happy and use it in him, dont see it as an insult more the spice needed to make things hot

    1252306441
    cj1972 [sign in to see picture]
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    I think you should lead by example - you be honest about finding it and hopefuly he will be honest about why it was hidden. Maybe he needs a bit of encouragement, if it was me, I would say that I was well pleased to find out he had a sex toy and I think he should get more, and then I'd talk about toys and ways we could use them solo or together, and I'd talk about things we could share etc, I'd also say sorry for finding it like that but Im glad I did, I think its great you have one, I would encorage him all you can, because it could be he got it but felt shy about telling you so left it, some blokes don't think they should admit to liking toys, I dont know why, but some are just shy, maybe its cos the typical sex toy makes a female vibe spring to mind for some guys, well you could have a really l;iberating talk with him about all the stuff thats out there and hopefully he will enjoy that as much as you. I hope this helps.

    1252335228
    lustylou [sign in to see picture]
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    First of all i didnt have access to my computer for a long while so forgive me for not thanking everybody for their advice. Its been a tough couple of months at work so sex has been the last thing on my mind. The fact that when i did get chance to get on the computer it appears that i had started a major arguement. Which meant that my initial question had got a bit overlooked and i felt arkward about butting into other peoples arguements.

    As for the toys. We havnt discussed them yet! I havnt checked them to see if they have been used lately. In fact this weekend was the first time we have had any type of sexual contact since june when i first raised the thread. Sometimes its just better not to raise a subject when you know that it will cause a row.

    1252336366
    Lubyanka [sign in to see picture]
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    lustylou wrote:

    First of all i didnt have access to my computer for a long while so forgive me for not thanking everybody for their advice. Its been a tough couple of months at work so sex has been the last thing on my mind. The fact that when i did get chance to get on the computer it appears that i had started a major arguement. Which meant that my initial question had got a bit overlooked and i felt arkward about butting into other peoples arguements.

    As for the toys. We havnt discussed them yet! I havnt checked them to see if they have been used lately. In fact this weekend was the first time we have had any type of sexual contact since june when i first raised the thread. Sometimes its just better not to raise a subject when you know that it will cause a row.

    Thank you so much for the update lustylou, I had been wondering and hoping you were ok. I'm glad you are. :) I'm also glad you got your computer sorted out, welcome back. :)

    I'm also glad you found a path which works for you, fair play. :)

    I think the reason this discussion got so heated is because I think that your situation as you described it pushed a lot of buttons which many of us feel very strongly about. A lot of us have had unpleasant experiences to do with communication going wrong or problems with honesty or omission. Since your situation happened to touch on a lot of that, I think the strength of people's feelings (including mine) sometimes drew us into tangents which were not entirely to do with your specific question.

    Please know that our discussion (at least from my perspective it was) was mostly to do with the ideas about your situation, and nothing to do with you or your actual situation at all. It was just discussion. :)

    1252336546
    lustylou [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks. And now time permitting i hope to join in with a lot more discussions again.

    1252336843
    Lubyanka [sign in to see picture]
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    lustylou wrote:

    Thanks. And now time permitting i hope to join in with a lot more discussions again.

    Yes please. :)

    1252336879
    bigbrownblowjobeyes [sign in to see picture]
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    :) always good to have more people to talk to on here lustylou

    1279107064
    Kinkyfish [sign in to see picture]
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    My wife baught me a masterbater which i have to say i very rarely use and wouldnt have bought. we have a very large collection of toys that we use together and i know when im away on business she uses vibs, dildos etc, which i have no problem with.
    for me if im away and im horny normally its a quick tug and then sleep, i travel abroad quite alot and the thought of getting stopped at security with a pussy in a can is very embarresing.
    Another thing for me anyway it feels almost like cheating, i know its not and my wife says we all have urges and need to considder them but for me it just feels wrong.
    Phone sex when im away is normally very hot and i enjoy that alot.

    1279107336
    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    Phone sex with the toy might make it feel less like cheating until you use it alone.

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    Muz333 [sign in to see picture]
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    Bit of an old thread you resurfaced here KF. I can understand your fears at being stopped at security with a male sex toy but surely it shouldn't feel like cheating? Why not just keep them at home to use when your not travelling? Personally I think the use of a masturbator by your other half while using her tongue around your balls is probably the best experience ever.

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