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  1. Sex for people with disabilities

    1381009441
    KebertXela [sign in to see picture]
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    Gooner

    Again, I'm not saying FB deserves it.....

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    Fluffbags [sign in to see picture]
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    I know I didn't deserve it. I had no control over getting ill AFTER I had children. Her comments at the time made me angry and sickened me. When someone feels bad about themselves, and some random bitch stranger makes a comment, it can upset you, but that was 4 years ago or more and now I just think "ignorant bitch, knows nothing about me"

    My point though was "Why are they allowed to do that and not get sacked"

    Seems like my question was answered somewhat.....because they can, because the people asking for help from these government agencies have no choice but to put up with it. Plus, as gooner said it is a "If I can, why cant you" attitude.

    You would think someone would step in though and moderate it somehow to stop it being allowed. Its like school bullies. "I am the biggest here and the one with the power so I can speak to you how I want" I guess I am naive but I just live the kind of life where I think people should be treated better, or someone should step in and stop the school bully

    As I honestly dont think treating people like shit is actually helping the countries unemployment issue, is it? If someone does not want to work and wants to live off the state, they won't care what the staff think or say, and slating them doesnt seem to be getting them off their arses, whereas it isnt encouraging the people who are desperate for work by treating them like utter shit for failing to find a job. That was my opinion on it anyway.

    Plus I think I turned this thread off-topic. Sorry :S

    1381067192
    KebertXela [sign in to see picture]
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    AA

    Are you saying that this didnt occur in 09?

    Government workers got rude just as the LibCon Coalition came in to power?

    "Off-topic again, I know.. but if anyone is still thinking that the cuts to welfare and NHS and the rest are to save money, think again. This recent blog post gives a pretty big hint to that:"

    The Health Budget in 2009 was £108bn

    The Health Budget in 2012 was £121bn

    The Health Budget in 2015 is planned to be £132bn

    Yep, massive cuts to the health budget

    Welfare is £99bn, £113bn and £113bn

    The current government has increased heath and welfare spending by £27bn and plans to add another £11bn.

    What cuts?

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    Fluffbags [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 18 Oct 2011

    I am not massively into politics, so this may be misinformed, but from my place in the world I see the government cutting from the lower incomes in society like adding bedroom taxes, stopping discretionary loans (or whatever they are called) to people who have benefit stopped. The rule which says your benefits stop THE DAY you start work, but you have to wait 6 weeks to sign on if you have just LOST work. I was also under the impression that the NHS is straining, with nurses pay rises being capped and I don't know whether or not this is the case (Told you, not good with politics) but are they not sectioning up the NHS? While they slap extra taxes on the lower income families, they give huge tax cuts to the rich. The bankers get bailed out generally, the rich get richer. Deviding the country further. I mean, I have read in the news and stuff that food banks are now more popular, that county councils are having to put up or shut up with the fact that a huge percentage of their people cannot afford the bills and are sinking into debt, and that they cannot evict people for failing to pay the bills or the bedroom tax because they have no 1 bedroom housing for these millions of people to move in to.

    That was what I gathered from the situation, but again, I am pretty ignorant when it comes to this stuff so maybe I am wrong. Seems like a lot of people are unhappy though.

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    KebertXela [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
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    FB

    Lots of people say those things but when you ask them for proof, they get very quiet.

    Anyone who says the health budget has faced "massive cuts" is free to say what the budget was and is, and what the "cut" was. They cant, because spending has gone up.

    I've worked at a housing association, there was no shortgage of one or two bed flats. There were simply lots of single people or couples who didnt want to leave "their" three bed house.

    As soon as the under occupancy rules were announced, we had hundreds, probably thousands, of over occupiers registering for swaps.

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    rose hip [sign in to see picture]
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    KebertXela wrote:

    FB

    Lots of people say those things but when you ask them for proof, they get very quiet.

    Anyone who says the health budget has faced "massive cuts" is free to say what the budget was and is, and what the "cut" was. They cant, because spending has gone up.

    I've worked at a housing association, there was no shortgage of one or two bed flats. There were simply lots of single people or couples who didnt want to leave "their" three bed house.

    As soon as the under occupancy rules were announced, we had hundreds, probably thousands, of over occupiers registering for swaps.

    Were there hundreds or thousands of places to swap to available? Apparently in our city the hope is that all needed swaps will be accomodated by childless couples having babies. (By the rules, an extra child just gets chucked in with the previous ones if there are any.)

    So all you folks without kids, get procreating! Those of us with disabilities and a spare bedroom need you to. And can you get the kid out by December, please? That's when they re-evaluate the discretionary fund payments. Thanks ever so much. xx

    1381083142
    KebertXela [sign in to see picture]
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    AA

    One in ten members of staff at the department thats currently paying me is "Director of...." (it was 1/7!!!), the idea that *YOU* can educate *ME* on how government waste money is laughable. I know, believe me, I know, I write these reports for a living. The National NHS Database was cancelled after £13bn by the last government, I thnk that tops all your numbers combined...

    But it begs the question

    If you hate how the governent spends money, why are you so insistent the government spends so much? Why

    You seem to think I'm defending the current lot, I'm really not. But facts are facts, and regardless of what the mirror tells you, this government spends more money than the last.

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    Mr Gooner [sign in to see picture]
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    Maybe it's how the government spend the money.
    The way I see it is that all the top Torries like making sure their billionaire friends are looked after well.

    After all this drop in the rate in tax for million pound earners is ridiculous. Although it may not be a lot of money. Well we know why because they beat all the tax loopholes and pay less tax then the average earner does.

    Spending may have increased but isn't that normal with costs rising?

    But aren't the NHS waiting times up and the amount of time it takes to get an appointment too see your docotor?

    Then you have this bedroom tax which in my eyes is disgusting.

    Fact is this government well the Torries look after the rich and stick 2 fingers up to the rest.
    I did vote lib dem but they went back on their word about uni fees so will never vote for them again.
    To be honest all the major parties are as bad as each other.

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    LilMissMardyBum [sign in to see picture]
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    Disabled&frustrated wrote:

    Just wondered if there is anyone out there who has a disability or long term illness? How do you manage when it comes to sex, are you physically able to manage? Do you have to concoct different ways? Do you find you meds create problems such as lack of sex drive etc? IS there any other issues you come up against?

    I am asking as I have very rare and complex issues, today a social worker came to look at my "needs" and she asked me how I managed to make a baby? I was shocked to say the least, apparently disabled/ people with long term helath issues dont have sex/ intimacy of any kind! She wanted the ins and outs of it all. How we did the deed / how many times a week / was my husband not freaked out by my body!! After trying to hold it together and not instantly burst in to tears she eventually left. This however has left me thinking - I surely arent the only person in the world with ill health so how does other manage and have they even come across such questioning?

    Also is there any tips you cn give for managing things better or making things more exciting?

    Thanks for your help

    this is what the thread really should be about helping this lovely person who as asked for some advice, i cant see why its now turned into a political debate :(

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    Disabled&frustrated [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi Everyone.

    Thank you for your replies. I am sorry to the people who I have made have a heated discussion over politics and the problems in the worls that really was never my intention.

    I definitely am going to try some of the ideas and it has made me realise there is not just me out there who has found ignorance from people who should know better. I accept that due to my health issues I arent at it like a rabbit but it will never stop my thoughts!!! Lol.

    I have tried to find the program sex on wheels yet havent been able to find it maybe it is because I am useless at using a computer/sky so if anyone knows exactly where it is then that would be much appreciated.

    Sadly we live in a society that finds accepting disability hard to accept an dstill the word sex is a taboo subject in many households, if you out these words together then people have a melt down. That doesnt stop the comments hurting. I send big hugs to you all who have been hurt by such ignorance. Sadly complaining doesnt work, in many ways it makes things worse for you.

    Thanks again everyone!! Have fun

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    Lovehoney - Jess Wilde [sign in to see picture]
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    KebertXela - Please check your emails.

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    LilMissMardyBum [sign in to see picture]
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    Disabled&frustrated wrote:

    Hi Everyone.

    Thank you for your replies. I am sorry to the people who I have made have a heated discussion over politics and the problems in the worls that really was never my intention.

    I definitely am going to try some of the ideas and it has made me realise there is not just me out there who has found ignorance from people who should know better. I accept that due to my health issues I arent at it like a rabbit but it will never stop my thoughts!!! Lol.

    I have tried to find the program sex on wheels yet havent been able to find it maybe it is because I am useless at using a computer/sky so if anyone knows exactly where it is then that would be much appreciated.

    Sadly we live in a society that finds accepting disability hard to accept an dstill the word sex is a taboo subject in many households, if you out these words together then people have a melt down. That doesnt stop the comments hurting. I send big hugs to you all who have been hurt by such ignorance. Sadly complaining doesnt work, in many ways it makes things worse for you.

    Thanks again everyone!! Have fun

    Hiya this is the link to the sex on wheels program you were looking for http://www.channel4.com/programmes/sex-on-wheels/4od its on 4od you would need to register to watch it or sign in using other methods hope it works for you :)

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    Fluffbags [sign in to see picture]
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    I watched sex on wheels after this thread brought it up. It was interesting (And knocked down some stereotyping surrounding disabled peoples abilities to have sex, or be interested in sex) I feel it was more a "Dating story" of sorts, following disabled people trying to find love, or to get sex for the first time, the kind of negativity they come across and how they feel about, for example, not being able to perform in certain ways.

    Although some of it was good, It never really discussed, or introduced any disabled people that were part of a couple already, and how they adapted or how they go about things. It almost (In my opinion) seemed to focus on "Disabled people either don't get sex or are not in relationships and have to visit escorts" or "disabled people get treated as a novelty sex experience" with one disabled girl getting used for one nighters often. I don't think any of the people followed in the documentory had an outcome that was "hey i am now in a relationship with someone who loves me" The only time this happened was a brief, 5 seconds to say one of the lads had a girlfriend now. I guess I personally would have liked to have seen more of a balance with loving couples too but it did seem more of a "dating stories of the disabled" kind of program rather than an in depth look at how disability effects the nuts and bolts of sex and partnership.

    Just my opinion though.

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    Fluffbags [sign in to see picture]
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    I can't remember. I only watched one episode. If there were more, and they focus on different scenarios in each episode, then it might explain the one sided opinion I have! lol

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    rose hip [sign in to see picture]
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    Fluffbags wrote:

    Although some of it was good, It never really discussed, or introduced any disabled people that were part of a couple already, and how they adapted or how they go about things.

    There was a programme very much like that a few years ago. I'm fuzzy on the details, but I do remember a part about a man (wheelchair user) getting a mobility aid for the bedroom. I'm pretty sure it was primarily couples, their adaptations and relationships.

    Maybe someone will remember its name.

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